


The Royal Decree

by haganenoheichou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Forced Marriage, Infant Death, M/M, Marriage, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Post-Anime, Prostitute Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Same-Sex Marriage, Weddings, canon AU, erejean - Freeform, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-01 11:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 60,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2770751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haganenoheichou/pseuds/haganenoheichou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The King orders all those of age to get married by the end of the month. Erwin corners Levi into making a decision the two of them will either come to regret... Or maybe not. Features forced marriage, possible Mpreg (not alpha-omega), and a tragic past for Levi. </p><p>Eruri, quite obviously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know the summary sucks and the first chapter is kind of short, but bear with me, please! This is my first time writing Eruri, so I'm slightly nervous.

_By the Decree of His Royal Majesty, the King,_

_to restore the balance of lives lost in relation to lives given,_

_by expanding the human population within the Walls,_

_all unmarried individuals over the age of eighteen_

_are to be wed within the next month to their partner of choice._

_If they fail to find a suitable partner, such a partner will be assigned to them by the government._

_Those who have not yet reached the age of eighteen may marry voluntarily_

_or expect to be married by the end of the first month after they reach maturity._

_Divorce is henceforth outlawed and punishable by death._

* * *

A week had passed since the fateful Royal Decree had been delivered to every soldier in the Corps who was of age, and ever since that day, things had not been going well. Hanji had been hysterical the entire time, more concerned for Levi's well-being than her impending fate of being married to some Garrison Corps idiot. Jaeger had just walked around looking miserably relieved that he still had some time before he would have to drag either Ackerman or Arlert to the altar. Kirschtein had spent three days punching walls and grunting at people; and overall, the entire castle had been a mess. Levi himself had isolated the thought of the Decree in the darkest recesses of his mind and tried to return to normal life. However, when summons had arrived from Erwin to see him at the headquarters, he had felt a short burst of elation at the idea of getting away from the chaos that was now Squad Levi.

He was now questioning his sanity, having thought that summons from Erwin meant something good. Levi stared at his Commander, his mouth half-open in a gape, as his mind tried to process what the man had just said.

“You want me to do  _what_?”

“Marry me,” Erwin said, looking unruffled by the tone of disbelief and slight disgust in Levi’s voice. “You know this is the best way out, we both know it.

“The  _fuck_  it is!”

"You can't marry a girl, you're a bearer; which means they will give you to some Military Police captain, or worse yet, some royal cousin, and you would never see the light of day again," Erwin said grimly, and Levi shuddered inwardly. His so-called biological capabilities had been a secret since day one to everyone but a few select people in the know. The fact that now the Royal Family was sticking its noses in all of their records was troublesome. If they found out, Levi would either be sent off to a breeding house or forced to marry some vile official – and considering the fact that the Survey Corps had been gaining popularity among the people, those close to the government in Sina ached to get their hands on either of the two of them.

“So, you’re saying this is for my own good?”

“Exactly. Mine, too, really. I don’t fancy myself being married off someone who… who has no idea what it is like,” Erwin finished lamely. Levi understood, though – there was no way Erwin would be able to share his experience in the Survey Corps with some ignorant little girl from Wall Sina. Erwin was a very vocal person, he tended to over-share, and therefore he needed someone who would get what he was talking about.

Levi shook his head.

"This is absolutely insane. The King will never sanction our marriage. He is not a total idiot. He knows we don't like him. And he doesn't like us either."

"That would be an understatement. At this point, I believe the entire Survey Corps is ready to take a blade to the whole Royal family. And, probably, vice-versa. Alas, there is nothing we can do, until we gain sufficient power, our hands are tied." Erwin sighed, leaning forward onto the tabletop. "Look, if the idea is so repulsive to you, then forget about it. For some reason, I thought that you would agree to this. I was clearly wrong. You are dismissed, Corporal."

Levi did not move.

“You really want this.”

“This is the best option we have.”

“We would be forced to live together.”

“We have done it before. We have gone on missions together, camped out in tents, lived under the same roof in the castle, why should this be any different?”

“Because we’d be  _married_.”

"Not in the way that matters," Erwin said lightly, though his facial expression changed to something unreadable. He looked down at his desk, eyeing the letter. He had read it so many times that the scroll had been completely smoothened out. "We're not in love with each other, Levi."

“Clearly.”

“Neither of us believe in love.”

_Keep telling yourself that, asshole._

“Exactly.”

"So why not? It wouldn't interfere with our professional relationship. The Decree does not prohibit it. As long as we do it before the King realizes the loophole he so conveniently provided us with."

“What about children?”

“What about them?” Erwin looked at Levi sharply. “I was under the impression that you hated children.”

“As you have astutely said before, I am a bearer. Which means that the King would expect me to give you an heir. Especially since both you and I are so…  _high-profile_ now," Levi said with disgust in his voice. He detested his newly-found fame and sought to avoid public mention in any way possible. "I don't want to have a kid."

“Neither do I want to bring a child into this world. But if it comes down to it, Levi, would you rather have a child with me, or be forced into it by someone you barely know, someone you may even hate?” Erwin asked quietly, watching out for Levi’s reaction. He knew he had to tread very lightly in this regard. He remembered the state he’d first found Levi in. Beaten to a pulp, naked in a Sina alleyway; he’d been dragged up from the underground by his  _owner_ and given to some Wall priest as entertainment at a private party. After he'd done his so-called job, Levi had been thrown out together with the dinner leftovers and made to rot in a narrow alley in one of the peripheral districts of the Inner Wall. As he had been returning from official business in the capital, Erwin had been the one who had come across his shivering form, huddled in the corner, practically delirious with pain and hypothermia. So he'd taken him in, smuggled him into his quarters and nursed him back to health. He'd had Hanji come in and look at him, and she had been the one to discover the nature of Levi's anatomy – as well as the miscarriage he'd suffered because of the cold. The young man had said nothing to the news, only nodding at them both and curling up in bed. A week later, he'd run away from Erwin, leaving behind nothing save for a quick note of thanks written in sloppy, clearly infrequently used handwriting.

Three years later, Erwin had heard of a new menace in the underground, this group of three amazingly-skilled young people who had apparently wreaked havoc on the criminal world with their mastery of the Maneuvering Gear. When he had gone down to investigate, he had been gobsmacked to see Levi, the same broken, battered boy he’d encountered before, soaring through the air like a bird. It had been his mission ever since to have Levi join the Corps. And with the right amount of threatening and blackmail, he’d managed just that.

Their relationship had grown into a strange bond founded on mutual respect for each other’s talent and, at the same time, each other’s privacy. They’d never talked about Levi’s bearing abilities. Until now.

“I don’t want a kid. But I guess if I have one with you, at least I will know what to expect,” Levi said with venom. “A frustrating, emotionally constipated, constantly prying brat.”

Erwin smiled.

“I knew you would see things my way.”

In a few days' time, Erwin and Levi stood at full attention in front of the King himself. After they'd hurriedly sent out the wedding invitations (because, apparently, everything had to be a ceremony), they'd anticipated some sort of reaction from the palace. However, when Erwin and his Corporal had been pulled out of their carriage as they headed towards the civil registry to document their nuptials, Levi had been unable to suppress a feeling of dread that drenched him like a bucketful of freezing water. The feeling was now worse, as he stood facing the most disgusting man he'd ever laid eyes on, clad in his pristine parade uniform, feeling like a circus animal.

“You two are aware of the fact that this is unacceptable,” the King growled at the two of them. Levi fought the urge to roll his eyes – as he did not want to lose them yet. Instead, he allowed Erwin to do the talking. This was expected of him, as the lower-in-rank, smaller man. He hated the rules.

“The Decree does not prohibit it,” Erwin said lightly, although he’d positioned himself in a way that slightly shielded Levi from the King’s view.  _Damn it. I can take care of myself, you idiot._

“The Decree serves multiple purposes, the proliferation of the human race being only one of them. Both of us are aware of this, Commander Smith.” The King turned to look at Levi. “I do not want two of the most popular military officers forming such a union. People might get ideas.”

“Yes, Sina forbid that ever happens,” Levi muttered under his breath. Erwin shot him a look, but it was too late, when the who Military Police guards grabbed him by the arms, one of them landed a well-aimed blow to his shin, and he ended up kneeling on the marble floor of the palace, hissing with pain and unable to retaliate.

“Watch your mouth, boy,” the King said lazily. “You need to have better control over your fiancé, Commander.”

“I assure you, Levi did not mean it.”

“Perhaps, though, he did. Then I suppose I should have him executed for his audacity and disrespect for the Crown.”

"That would not be the wisest order you have ever given, Your Majesty," Erwin muttered, as he eyed Levi's heaving form.

“And why is that?”

“You see, my intended is… He is a bearer.”

Erwin could feel the burning hatred in Levi's gaze. They had agreed they would keep this bit of information a secret for as long as possible, and there he was, babbling it out to the King like it was yesterday's news. The King leaned forward in his seat, eyeing the dark-haired man on the floor with much more interest now. Bearers were rare individuals and were coveted by the Royal Palace for their ability to produce strong, intelligent offspring. Levi considered that particular trope bullshit, as he'd seen bearer children, and they had seemed to be nothing special. Culturally, however, it made no difference, and men and women alike fell over themselves to get their hands on a bearer – so much that Levi had ended up enslaved to a pimp in the underground, earning him quite a hefty sum of money just for the fact that he was allegedly able to give birth to children.

“A bearer, you say? Why, that changes things quite a bit.” The King gestured for the Military Police to let go of Levi. With a sound of disgust, Levi stood, brushing himself off. He kept his mouth shut, though, as he returned to his place next to Erwin, refusing to stand in his shadow. “I will allow this marriage, then. Under the condition that the two of you publicize it as much as possible. I want to see the two of you at every Royal reception, every parade, every gathering of the people. I want to see your portraits painted together and hear songs about your undying love for each other, is that clear?”

"If I may ask, what is it that changed your mind, Your Majesty?" Erwin asked, putting a comforting hand on Levi's waist – at least, that was the show they were putting on for those present. Levi went rigid upon his touch but then forced himself to relax with difficulty, knowing that this moment was make-or-break. He was aware that the King called their bluff, but the rest of the officers standing in the throne room seemed to have bought their story. After all, it wouldn't be strange for the two of them to tie the knot – it was widely-known that Commander Smith and Corporal Levi shared an unusually close bond, that Smith had mentored Levi since the beginning of his service, that they often went on missions together and spent time playing chess in Commander Smith's personal office.

“Why, Corporal Levi will hardly be able to stage a coup when he is with child,” the King said merrily, a satisfied smirk plastered over his seemingly ageless face. Levi suppressed the urge to groan. _Fuck you, Erwin._  “And he will be with child within a year’s time, won’t he, Commander Erwin?”

Levi was as tightly-coiled as a metal spring underneath his fingers when Erwin replied.

“He certainly will be.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for such a great response! This prompted me to write another chapter on the very same day. You guys are amazing!

After their little detour to the Royal Palace, a carriage awaited them to take the Commander and Corporal to the civil registry hall. They sat inside the ostentatiously decorated monstrosity of a vehicle in tense silence, the reality of what they were about to face becoming more solid with every sound the hooves of the Military Police horses made against the cobblestones. Of course, the King, being elated with the prospect of having Levi parade around pregnant as an example of complacency to the Crown, did not want anything to go awry to undermine the ceremony. Levi was not in a good mood. As much as he despised the idea of cramps and a distended stomach, he also hated the idea of Erwin being stuck with him, and a little brat to boot. That was what the King had been counting on, they had known it from the very moment the Decree had arrived: to render the soldiers of their Regiment incapable of causing a revolt. It was a great tactic; even Levi couldn't deny it. While the officers of the Survey Corps were busy with their respective families, they would be unable to stage a coup; besides, their families could be used as significant leverage. Even though most of these marriages would be forced, most of their men were honorable and would go to great lengths to protect the people they were responsible for.

“So… I guess now you have to get me pregnant. Great job, Erwin. Fantastic planning,” Levi drawled as he leaned back in his seat, speaking quietly, just in case even their carriage driver was working for the other side. He was no longer sure of anyone’s loyalties but that of his Squad.

Erwin frowned.

“They could have easily killed you, you know.”

“And that would definitely interfere with your plan to take this fucking government down,” Levi seethed. He hated being used as an excuse. “So while you’re out there, raising your fist and yelling out motivational bullshit, I will be sitting at home like a good old housewife and tending to your spawn.”

“I would never do that to you. We’ll find a way out of this. He gave us a year’s time. A lot can change in a year,” Erwin said tensely. He then leaned forward, urging Levi to do the same. “I think we may use this to our advantage.”

“Oh?” Levi’s eyes flashed. “How so?”

“Well, we become the token married couple, propagate for the new law, get in cozy with all the higher-ups in Sina, and maybe even–,”

“What? Gain support from the Military Police? Sit in the King’s lap while he tells us stories about the fucking sacred Walls?”

“It’s possible.” Erwin twisted his fingers together. “We only need to work out how to do it. I mean, no offense, Levi, but you’re not exactly a poster child for exemplary family life.”

“Neither are you.”

“Touché.”

The carriage came to a halt. They had arrived.

“Just… Be likable. Look in love.” Erwin offered Levi his hand as he stepped out of the carriage, trying to make his facial expression as unreadable as possible.

“I really, really want to hurt you right now.”

The hall of ceremonies was packed with people: apparently more attendants than invitees had decided to gatecrash the wedding of the elusive Commander Erwin and the mysterious Lance Corporal Levi. The latter surveyed the audience with a look of disgust on his face that made Erwin elbow him gently in the ribs. With a sigh, Levi tugged on a smile in a way one would tug on month-old socks and proceeded to the registry table, where the Minister, clad in a traditional Wallist robe, awaited to officiate their nuptials. Levi hated this pomp. Even if he had chosen to marry one day, he would not have done it in front of hundreds of people, and definitely not with a religious fanatic presiding. He spotted his Squad in the corner; all dressed to the nines, their parade uniforms accessorized with identical looks of sympathy. Hanji had even taken the time to do her hair. She surreptitiously flashed Levi a thumbs-up as he looked at her and he fought the urge to sneer. Jäger and Arlert both looked slightly green. Ackerman was impassive. The rest seemed more interested in the banquet table than the proceedings, but as soon as Erwin and he stepped into full view, all eyes were directed towards them.

Levi had to admit that they probably made quite a bit of an impression. The parade uniforms were ludicrously flashy, with medals and awards hanging off their lapels like garlands. The King had insisted Levi wear his cravat with a unicorn pin – a subtle hint at what he expected of the two of them. Though the Maneuvering Gear straps were present, offering a comforting pressure along his scarred thighs, Levi had no equipment with him, which made him feel bare and defenseless. Their boots had been shined beyond recognition. Even he himself couldn't have done a better job. As the two of them stood in the middle of the hall, he felt like the only thing that tied him to the questionably peaceful life he'd had in the Survey Corps were the black jackets on their backs, embroidered with the Wings of Freedom. Levi had half-expected the King to make him wear white, or even a veil, yet it seemed the man had enough sense in him not to expect the public to fall for such a ruse.

As they stood in front of the Minister, Erwin's armed dropped from his elbow, and Levi felt a hand slip into his. He disregarded it. _Play loving._

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today within these blessed Walls, to join Commander Erwin Smith and Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman in matrimony commended to be honorable among all," the Wallist began, and Levi resisted rolling his eyes yet again – it was quite clear that everyone present knew who they were. After all, the only reason why this hall was so packed was that Erwin and he were the first high-profile officers to get hitched. "Marriage is a sacred institution, now more than ever, aimed to proliferate the human race and continue our existence within these hallowed Walls, and therefore, it is not to be entered into lightly, but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly."

Erwin was squeezing his hand painfully at this point, and Levi squeezed back with difficulty. He knew that the Commander was having a hard time with this: the man was too moral for his own good. He really did respect the institution of marriage, for some bizarre reason, and doing this was almost sacrilegious to him.  _We’ll get through this._

“If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

 _There are plenty of people who could do that here_ , Levi thought.

The silence was maddening.

“If there is no objection, the couple may now read their vows.”

 _Oh, the fucking vows._  Levi had spent several days pondering over his, having finally given up after several dozen unsuccessful attempts at writing something succinct, and decided to rely on his natural (ha-ha) eloquence to save him on the spot. Luckily, as the submissive partner ( _fuck you, Erwin_ ), he was to go second. Erwin and he turned towards each other, and his husband-to-be clasped his second hand over the one he was holding, looking straight into Levi's eyes.

"I, Erwin Smith, take you to be my wife," Levi winced, "my partner in life and combat. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before." Levi's eyes widened. _What the hell is he thinking?_ "I will trust you and respect you; your tears will be my tears, your smile will bring me joy." _Like that is ever likely to happen. Tears are enough, thank you very much._ "I promise to be faithful to you throughout my lifetime. I give you my mind, my heart, my body, and soul, for as long as we both shall live."

Levi was left speechless as he stared into Erwin’s serious blue eyes. He had not expected him to be so… so thorough about it. Now he would look like a complete idiot.

“Levi, would you like to give your vow?” The Wallist prompted.

“My vow?” Levi whispered. He cleared his throat, feeling the disgusting droplet of cold sweat run down his temple.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_  “Right. My vow.”

He took a breath and put his hand over Erwin's. He had no idea what to say. He was naturally gifted with eloquence like Erwin was. Erwin could rise armies to go on suicide missions. Levi's function in the Corps was to prevent the soldiers from getting too cocky. He was a military man. He was no leader in the absolute sense of the world.

_Oh, fuck this. Just go with it. They’re just words._

Then, he had a stroke of inspiration.

“I, Levi Ackerman, take you to be my husband, my Commander and my guide in life. I cannot promise you a lifetime of happiness, and I cannot promise you to be alive to see your tears and your joy, I can only promise you today that I will do whatever it takes to help further your goals and achieve your victories, as I have since the day we met. I will… I will love you to the best of my abilities, for as long as my heart beats in my chest.”

Erwin was looking at him, wide-eyed, and Levi had to smirk inwardly: take that. Those were the words he had said to Erwin when he had been awarded his ranks as Corporal. They had celebrated intimately in Erwin’s office over coffee, and Erwin had prompted him to remember the day they had met, the day that Levi’s friends had fallen victim to the Titans, the day when everything had changed. The day after which nothing else had mattered except for victory.

The Wallist looked uneasy at such a declaration, knowing that the Royals would not take kindly to Levi's pledge to help Erwin achieve success – whatever it was. Nevertheless, he coughed politely and went on droning about the power of love, and sanctity of marriage and other bullshit Levi tuned out as he gazed at their clasped hands. The realization hit him only now: they were really doing this. Part of him wanted to panic and run for his life, part of him was merely hopeful that this whole mess wouldn't explode into their faces.

“By the power vested in my by the Sacred Walls, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Please put on your Bonding Bracelets as a sign of your union.”

A little boy clad in the pupil uniform of a Wallist initiate carried out a small cushion with the bonding bracelets resting on it. Levi had not seen them before – it was customary that the husband picked those out. He’d seen many in his lifetime, varying in decoration and execution, but he had never seen any like these: they were simple, two-piece silver bands with a hinge that allowed them to be opened and closed – but only once. Small locks dangled off the ends of the bracelets, and two tiny silver keys rested next to them. Of course. Marriage was permanent now. He shot Erwin a look, only to be met with an apologetic glance. _Just for show._

Gently, Erwin took Levi's left hand and placed the bracelet around his wrist. Though the silver was light, to Levi, it felt more like a shackle. The key clicked inside the lock with an air of finality, and Levi found himself reciprocating numbly. Erwin's wrist was thicker than his own, and he realized that his fingers were shaking finely as he tried to lock the bracelet around it. Finally, he got the job done, and, without looking at Erwin, offered the key to the priest, who promptly threw it into a small fire he'd set up, together with its counterpart. Levi could see the keys start to melt through blurred eyes, and he realized that his eyes were too wet to be normal. He huffed in frustration and turned to Erwin, pleading silently.

“Aren’t you supposed to kiss me now?”

Erwin's eyes widened for just a split-second before he gave Levi a small smile and bent down to kill him on the lips.

Kissing Erwin was strange, as Levi had never considered it a possibility – he had entertained the thought, but seeing as their relationship had always been professional-bordering-on-friendship, he'd discarded the idea time and time again whenever it had the audacity to invade his mind. It was not unpleasant, though, Erwin's mouth tasted good enough to feel clean, and the way he angled the kiss made it look perfect to the external viewer – gentle, loving, not dominating in any way. Levi promptly blinked back the angry tears he was holding in, as he allowed Erwin to explore his lips. Finally, when he felt like he had gained control over himself again, he laid a hand on Erwin's shoulder softly, as a signal that he was okay. Erwin immediately broke the kiss, keeping his eyes steadily fixed on Levi's, before the two of them turned back to the Minister. Only then did Levi realize that people were clapping. The entire hall was a cacophony of applause. _What a joke._

“I imagine it is time for the banquet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took the ideas for the priest's speech from this website over [here](http://www.open-ministry.org/wedding-ceremony.php), with a couple of modifications. 
> 
> Please comment, and if you would like to, you can follow me on [tumblr](http://http://haganenoheichou.tumblr.com/post/157193413791/fic-masterpost). 
> 
> Peace!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's banquet time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am seriously overwhelmed by the great comments you guys are leaving on this fanfic. I know my chapters are short, and I have to admit, this is the way I write, and though I tried to change it, I find it easier to portion the story this way. Anyway, please, enjoy the chapter!

The banquet dragged on for what seemed like ages. Levi tried to keep his opinions on the entire affair to himself as much as possible, and never strayed far from Erwin's side, a constant brooding presence at the Commander's left elbow. Levi's newly-wedded husband, however, seemed to have gotten the hang of wooing the creme de la creme of the Inner Walls. He schmoozed and impressed the overly made-up ladies with his declarations of undying devotion to the Crown and to his _wife_ (he particularly emphasized the term every time he had the chance in conversation, earning himself surreptitious jabs between the ribs). He even seemed to have won over the hearts of some of the most hardened Military Police officers; partially because all of them had partaken in the drinks early into the evening.

The first dance had been quite a bit of a disaster: as graceful as the two of them were while in their gear, soaring through the air, both Erwin and Levi had two left feet on the floor. Of course, the men in attendance just sniggered at their feeble attempts, shaking their heads and spewing whispered insults, and the women let out pathetic little  _oohs_  and  _aahs_  whenever Levi managed not to tread on Erwin’s foot when trying to look like he was submitting to Erwin’s lead. The entire experience was embarrassing, and as they formally bowed to each other at the end of the song ( _Glory to the King_ , of course), Levi hissed to his new husband through gritted teeth, _there is no way we are ever doing this again._

Eleven at night found the two of them conversing with Nile Dok, a particularly vile human being, in Levi’s opinion, who was practically slobbering over the fact that the two of them were now bound to each other, and thus unable to proceed with establishing more authority over the people. His gaze strayed time and time again to the silver bracelet on Levi’s wrist, and the Corporal fought against the primal urge to render the man the same courtesy he once had to Eren Jäger.

"So, Erwin."

Apparently, they were on a first-name basis now. Buddies, even. "When are you going on leave? I mean, you can't leave your _wife_  here all alone while he’s pregnant, right?”

“What?” Erwin asked sharply.

"A little birdie told me that Levi here is a bearer, or is that just a mere rumor… Because that particular birdie doesn't usually engage in mindless gossip…" Dok said, his voice loud as thunder in the suddenly hushed hall. Erwin's brows were knitted tightly as he frowned at that particular bit of information. He hated the fact that this had become public knowledge. Moreover, he hated the fact that he knew who had made it public: the King himself had never given any guarantees not to talk about Levi's capabilities. They should have asked him for his word if that was worth anything anymore.

"I am sure I can handle myself while my husband is leading our Corps into battle for humanity," Levi replied smoothly, as he pressed himself into Erwin's side, seething on the inside. Now they were all going to think of his as some inferior weakling. It was strange how all of his previous victories, his title as Humanity's Strongest, could be negated by one simple notion: that he could do what few men could do and all women were obliged to do. To make a show of it, Levi leaned back against Erwin's shoulder, defiant submissiveness at its finest, and turned a wicked eye to look at Dok, who had been unprepared for such a response from the Corporal. "And I intend to give my beloved many, many children. Having raised the Survey Corps from the ashes as he did, I am sure that he will do an excellent job of raising a child or two. Or maybe even more."

Levi knew he would probably regret these words, yet he stood his ground. Suddenly, he felt a gentle arm slip around his waist, and the pressure of Erwin’s fingers on his side seemed to alleviate some of the anger he was trying to contain.

“Is that so?” Dok turned to look at Erwin for confirmation. The latter simply shrugged.

“Whatever Levi wishes is fine by me. I cannot lie, I have always wanted to be a father. There is no more perfect candidate to bear and raise my offspring than  _Corporal_  Levi, don’t you think? He is a great leader, indeed, and a wonderful caretaker.”

“I’m sure Jäger doesn’t think so,” Dok said testily, and Erwin winced.

“Yes, I do!”

The trio turned to look at Eren Jäger, standing at full attention, his eyes wide with determination. Of course, the brat would try to defend Levi. He had developed some strange hero-worshipping attitude towards his Squad Leader, and for once, Levi was thankful.

"Corporal Levi is an excellent mentor," Eren continued, as his inseparable team of Arlert and Ackerman flanked him on both sides. "He values the lives of his soldiers above all."

“Yes, I heard. Petra Ral, Oluo Bozado, Eld Jinn, Gunther Schultz… Well-taken care of, indeed. “As well-taken care of as your children will be, should Erwin Smith remain in charge of the Survey Corps,” Dok said with a smirk and turned his back on the couple, clearly indicating that the conversation was over.

Levi could feel himself tremble with rage, and the only thing grounding him seemed to be Erwin’s arm around his waist. He turned to look over his shoulder at his new husband.

“Promise me something,” he whispered so that nobody would hear. Erwin’s eyes hardened as he leaned in.

“Anything,” he breathed, sending shivers up and down Levi’s spine.

“I get to gut him like a pig when this is over.”

“Only if I get to watch it happen.”

* * *

 

That evening, as Levi prepared for bed in Erwin’s private quarters – they had refused the house the King had tried to impose on them by saying that as long as the two of them wore the army insignia, they would stay with their soldiers, – his mind raced over what Dok had said earlier. When the bed – the only new thing in the room, large enough for two, – was sufficiently unmade, he sat down, watching Erwin change out of his formal attire into a relaxed combination of cotton pants and a shirt. He’d watch Erwin change a thousand times before, and yet today was somehow different.  _Somehow_ , Levi mused. Everything was different. They were no longer just Commander and Corporal of the Survey Corps; they were husband and wife. They were married. Forever. Only if they were to bring down the entire power structure that existed within the Walls, would they be able to set each other free. Levi looked down at the bracelet on his wrist. It was a beautiful thing, indeed, very elegant, but not girly. It was the perfect bonding bracelet. It was too good for such a sham of a union as theirs.

“You’re thinking too loudly, Levi.”

"Hm?" Levi looked up to see Erwin already clad in his sleeping clothes. He himself was still in full uniform. He could not bring himself to open the wardrobe and see all of his things – few as there were, – moved in together with Erwin's. This was more than an invasion of his own privacy. It was an imposition on Erwin, as well, and Levi hated to be a pest.

"You should get changed, if you don't mind. Tomorrow's going to be a long day," Erwin said, sitting down on his side of the bed and reaching for the book that rested on the bedside table. Levi watched him open it and lie on his side, head propped up on his elbow. Funny, Levi would have never thought that Erwin did that. He seemed more like a sit-up-in-bed-and-read kind of guy. He'd never witnessed Erwin read for pleasure – whenever they had been forced to share tents on missions. They had been too tired to keep their eyes open, let alone read.

Slowly, Levi stood, wincing as he opened the wardrobe and found a neat pile of his scarce belongings on one of the three shelves Erwin had cleaned out for him. He’d told his husband he didn’t need this much space, but Erwin did not leave any room for argument, so Levi just went along with it.

He shrugged off his formal jacket and hung it up on a peg, before removing the pin from his cravat and gently setting it onto the self. As his fingers untied the cravat, Levi felt about for the familiar frayed edges of it: he owned three cravats, but this one had particular sentimental value nobody knew about, save for Erwin. This had been the first and only gift, before the bracelets, that his future husband would give him after Levi had joined the Survey Corps. He had found it fitting to wear it this morning. Now he just felt silly.

He shrugged out of the useless leather straps and booths, wincing at the sting they had left on his skin, even through the thin uniform pants, and then turned self-consciously to see Erwin looking at him over the top of his book.

“Are you some sort of pervert? Read your fucking book,” Levi grumbled, reaching for his nightshirt.

“Am I not allowed to look at my bonded, then?” Erwin asked quietly, his gaze steady. Levi noticed how he preferred to use the more gender-neutral term instead of the derogatory wife that had been shot at him from all corners of the celebration hall that night.

"Whatever. Pervert." Levi turned away and readily stripped off his pants and uniform shirt, in favor of a lighter, longer nightshirt that he wore. He preferred not to wear pants to bed, and only now did he realized that this particular habit was probably a mistake. He would not let Erwin have the satisfaction of making him feel uncomfortable, though, so he slipped underneath the covers and snuffed out his candle, turning onto his side and finding himself looking at the robust, shirt-clad ribcage of one Erwin Smith. His gaze traveled up, and he found Erwin's face, shrouded in the dim light of the candle, a soft smile playing on his face.

“What are you looking at?”

“You.”

“Well, stop it.”

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Levi," Erwin murmured. "You're quite nice to look at, actually."

"Is this some weird technique you use to hit on people?" Levi questioned, tensing up. Erwin's hand traveled down from the book and landed on Levi's bracelet-shackled wrist. He touched the metal gently, tracing its outline with a single finger.

“I don’t need to hit on you, Levi. I already have you,” he said.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” Just like that, the hand was gone. “You and I are married now, so we should at least appear to be civil to each other.”

"Clean your fucking room, and I will be cuter than Eren's raging Titan."

“You’re bad with comparisons, Levi.”

Soon, the light went out, and Levi found himself looking at the unclear outlines of Erwin’s face as the man nodded off to sleep. He supposed Erwin was not too bad to look at either.

The next morning, as they prepared for breakfast, they never mentioned waking up with their limbs tangled together.[ **  
**](http://hellofanassbutt.tumblr.com/post/105290993526/early-christmas-present-to-share-for-my-love-and)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> The bonding bracelets were something I've always wanted to integrate into a story, and I got a stroke of inspiration while writing it, thanks to something that happened in real life: my fiancé and I got matching [bracelets](http://hellofaheichou.tumblr.com/post/105290993526/early-christmas-present-to-share-for-my-love-and) as an early Christmas present for each other. 
> 
> What can I say? I am sentimental as hell.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi gets fed up.

The next morning, Levi woke to see that Erwin had already gone. With a heavy sigh, the newly-wedded Corporal lifted himself out of bed, his legs still a bit sore from the utterly unnatural attempts at dancing they'd made the day before. He glanced at Erwin's side: of course, the idiot would not even try to straighten out the sheets before leaving. Cursing under his breath, more out of habit than annoyance, Levi proceeded to make the bed meticulously, pausing for a split second when his hands found the edge of Erwin's pillow. Even though Erwin was always glad to let Levi clean up the headquarters, the younger man had never set foot inside Erwin's room. For some reason, this felt like a violation of Erwin's privacy. The Corporal shook his head, glancing down at the silver bracelet around his wrist. _What’s mine is yours, huh? Then why do I feel more like an unwanted guest than an equal partner?_

He turned to the wardrobe and found his things spread out more evenly on the shelves Erwin had provided for him the previous night. It was as if the Commander wanted him to occupy more space. Stubbornly, Levi folded everything back into one corner. He had no need for this, Sina knew, Erwin owned more shirts and pants than any man Levi had ever met. Perhaps it was because his job frequently obliged him to attend various soirees and meetings with the government, or maybe it was because he liked playing dress-up. Either way, Erwin could have his fucking shelves.

Levi took his clothes and made his way to the bathroom. That was one good thing this whole arrangement had resulted in: Erwin’s private bathroom was much bigger than the one Levi had been forced to share with another Squad Leader, despite the fact that he had nearly begged the brass for a separate room. Now he had the luxury of cleaning his teeth in silence and ample space. He could even take a bath: the bathroom he had used before only offered a measly, rickety shower. As he went through his morning ablutions, Levi glanced around the room curiously. Perhaps Erwin owned a lot of clothing, but in terms of cosmetic and medical products, Levi surpassed his by quite a bit. Erwin’s modest collection consisted of a toothbrush, some tooth powder and soap, and some sort of thick, smelly oil whose use Levi really did not want to think about.

He grabbed a piece of bread on his way out, making a mental note to pester Erwin to buy more food for his private quarters, and pulled down the sleeve of his uniform jacket to hide the atrocity on his wrist as he walked swiftly towards the courtyard.

That day he was to drill some new recruits, a delight he’d been given (more like, forced into) by Hanji, who had had the gall to tell him it would be good practice for future parenting. Levi had nearly killed her on the spot right then and there, but agreed to the affair, as it was always a good idea to take a closer look at the forces they had at their disposal.

The new recruits were a pretty miserable bunch. Even though the Survey Corps had grown in popularity and had gained some grudging respect from the citizens of the Walls, this particular group was nothing special to any extent. Levi estimated the second he saw them, that about half would become Titan chow during the next mission. He hated himself for thinking this way, but Levi was a realist, and therefore he had to mentally prepare for the potential loss of more subordinates.

As he strode into the courtyard, back rigid, one of the recruits spotted him and yelled, fancying himself a Keith Shadis of sorts.

"Attention!" The recruits scrambled to get in line, and Levi raised an eyebrow when they started colliding with each other, tripping over each other's feet and landing in heaps onto the ground. How were they even able to master the Maneuvering Gear, again?

“You,” Levi pointed at the Shadis wannabe. “Care to explain what the hell you knob-heads are doing? What is your name?”

“Roger Titius, Corporal Smith, sir.”

Levi blanked for a moment.  _Fuck, that’s right. I’m Levi Smith now._ That was another thing Levi had been reluctant to give up: his name. Granted, the name he'd borne before, Levi Ackerman, had not been his, to begin with, but he'd started to identify with it after he'd joined the Survey Corps. To Levi, that name meant something: countless victories over Titans, countless lives lost, lived that he'd been in charge of. Now his name meant only one thing. He was a trophy wife.

Nevertheless, he smoothened out his facial expression before the brats saw his inner struggle with the fact that he was  _fucking married to Erwin Smith_ , forced to give up everything he was and everything he had for the sake of appeasing some throned prick.

"Titius. I'll call you Tits from now on. So, Tits, care to tell me why a dozen new Survey Corps recruits can hardly keep themselves upright on the ground?"

“Um, I can’t, sir.” Tits looked at the others accusingly. “We were just…”

“Dicking around, Tits, that’s what it’s called. There will be no more of that. All of you are to clean the castle, top to bottom, before sundown, and then report for an additional physical drill. If you think your training officers rode your asses… Just pray to Sina you don’t get assigned to my squad when the time comes. Titan fodder.” With that, Levi turned to leave, only to hear one of the boys whisper something to the recruit standing next to him, causing him to break out in giggles.

“You.” He rounded on the twosome, giving them a stern eye. “What was that? Care to share the joke?”

The boy that had giggled now looked decisively uncomfortable. The other one eyed Levi with a stubborn set to his jaw. Levi approached the giggler, his fists itching to give him a proper welcome.

“What did your friend here say that was so funny? We in the Survey Corps like jokes. Jokes like yourself that end up getting eaten two seconds into a mission,” he seethed through gritted teeth. The giggler averted his eyes, mumbling something under his breath.

“What was that again?” Levi asked menacingly.

“He said you were…”

“Yes?”

“I said you’re pretty tough for a girl,” the joker answered haughtily for his classmate. Levi turned to look at him, irritated to find that the new kid was much taller than himself. The idiot did not look intimidated in any way. Levi glanced at his gear straps: shiny, new, clearly custom-made to fit his frame. This was one of the Inner Wall brats, those who joined up just to show off, and when the time came to fight, their daddies would pull them out of the army, claiming medical issues or impending marriage.

“You think I’m a girl, huh? Tell me how much of a girl I am when I shove your dick up your–,”

“You would probably enjoy that, wouldn’t you–,”

“What is going on here?”

Everyone turned to see Erwin standing at the gate, his expression the usual neutral, relaxed-stern face he wore to make people feel at ease. He approached Levi and placed a soft kiss on the crown of his head. Levi had to stop himself from punching him in the gut.

“Commander Smith,” he greeted his husband, his tone dripping with acid. “Nothing. We seem to have a smart-ass in the Corps now.”

"Oh?" Erwin turned to look at the smug rookie, who no longer looked so cocksure. Levi was one thing, many people underestimated him, despite his unofficial title as Humanity's Strongest; but Commander Erwin Smith was an imposing figure. Tall, broad-shouldered, with a booming voice and eyes that seemed to penetrate into one's very mind, he was well-respected both in the inner and outer areas of the Walls, despite being in charge of the most death-prone Regiment.

“We need smart people in the Corps,” he said lightly, his gaze fixed on the rookie.

“Not that kind of smart,” Levi replied, eyeing the rookie. “The dumb kind of smart.”

"I see." Erwin looked at the young man, all humor gone from his face. "I heard what you said. If you think for one moment that I will allow anyone here, regardless of how many Titans they've slain, to mock my bonded, you can join the Wall Garrison right now. There is a reason why Corporal Levi is the best. And it is not his cheerful personality. Nor is it because I favor him. The fact that he has the strength and ability to endure childbirth – which, I am sure, none of you fine young men would ever be able to do, – only testifies to his superiority. If I hear any more remarks regarding Corporal Smith’s nature, or regarding our marriage, I will not kick you out. I will send you in the vanguard during the next mission. I’m sure even you numbskulls can figure out which is worse.”

“What the  _fuck_ do you think you're doing?" Levi burst into Erwin's office, not bothering to knock, positively fuming. He had just spent the most awkward half-hour enduring the whispers and quiet sniggers of the new recruits about how his dear husband had come to defend him in the face of a scary inner Wall rookie.

“Pardon?” Erwin looked up from his paperwork, a small smile playing on his lips. Levi felt like erasing it with a right hook.

“Don’t you fucking  _pardon_  me, you… you  _ass_! What the _fuck_  was that out there?  _Fucking_  defending me in front of a bunch of teenagers like some  _fucking_  damsel in distress? Isn’t it enough for you that they already think I’m a  _fucking_  girl?” Levi said, not quite shouting, but with a dangerous tremble to his voice that would send the Titans packing.

“I was merely doing my duty as your husband  _and_  your commanding officer.”

“By _humiliating_  me?”

“I’m sorry this is the impression you got. I was just–,”

“You were not thinking,” Levi interrupted, his anger deflating somewhat. “You know what? Out there, with the Titans, you may be my Commander, inside these walls I am also stuck with being your  _wife_ , but don’t you dare try to combine the two when I’m out there, trying to knock some sense into those empty heads. Don’t you  _fucking_  dare.”

“I’m sorry you’re upset–,”

“I am not upset, Smith. I am fucking mad at you for thinking that just because we’re married now, that gives you a right to put me down and make me look like a complete idiot!”

“I apologize if I hurt you in any way–,”

“That’s the thing! Hurt me! Hit me! Send me on suicide missions! I am still Corporal Levi Ackerman, head of the Special Survey Corps squad and one of your best soldiers!” Levi said in frustration. His eyes widened when Erwin finally stood from his seat, making his way around the desk. His eyes followed Erwin’s hand as it traveled towards his face slowly, landing on his cheek. Levi found himself staring up at Erwin’s face, all soft lines and blue eyes, an incredible change from the harsh Commander Smith had led so many expeditions outside the Walls. Levi felt Erwin’s thumb trace the outlines of his cheekbones, and he knew he was blushing – and it was probably obvious, given that he was so pale.

“You’re wrong there, Levi,” Erwin whispered, his gaze searching. He pressed himself into Levi’s side, towering over him like some goddamn Titan. “It’s all different now. You’re Levi Smith, bonded to Commander Erwin Smith and intended to bear his child in the nearest future. You just happen to be a Corporal in the same army division as your husband. I’m truly sorry it has to be this way. You know the rules. We have to follow them if we want to win eventually.”

There was a moment’s silence when Levi simply stared at his husband.

“Fuck you,” he spat, knocking Erwin’s hand aside and making for the door. “Fuck you,  _Commander_  Erwin Smith, for doing this to me. And I don’t care that you were my best option. I still fucking hate you. Don’t you come near me. I hope you get mauled by a fucking Abnormal.”

He left the door open when he left. He was above slamming it in Erwin's face.

That night, Levi did not attend the weekly meeting Erwin usually held with his Squad Leaders. He'd had enough of the man for one day, so he preferred to sit in their quarters and brood over the dullest book in the history of the universe, his mind reeling with what had transpired earlier. He had to admit he had been a little harsh – but he had been entirely justified in having behaved that way, as far as he was concerned. Erwin had to understand that nothing would ever change between them, marriage or not. And though his so-called protectiveness could come off as _sweet_  – Levi shuddered at the thought, – it was completely unnecessary. Levi could take care of himself.  _Nothing_  had changed.

Levi glanced around Erwin's quarters. The walls were surprisingly bare for someone who enjoyed the visual arts as much as Erwin did. Levi knew that because he'd been dragged into a gallery once when they had been summoned for a meeting inside Wall Sina. Erwin's rooms were almost spartan – not in a deficient way, as he was a high-standing officer, yet it was clear that the man did not care much for flair or anything but bare necessities. Despite his rank, Erwin was still a soldier through and through.

Levi realized, a couple of hours past midnight, that his new husband was still out. With a sigh, Levi tugged on his jacket and cape and made his way to Erwin's office on the other side of the castle grounds. The idiot had probably fallen asleep over maps and plans, as he frequently did, and it was up to Levi, like a good little _wife_ , to ensure that his neck stayed crick-free.

Surprisingly enough, Erwin was wide-awake and hunched over a series of papers on his desk when Levi came in, without knocking, as per tradition. The Commander looked up at his bonded warily and then back down at the maps, not uttering a single word.

"It's almost three. You need to sleep," Levi murmured, leaning against the doorframe, using his leg as leverage.

“I need to finish these,” Erwin replied curtly. “I can sleep here if I need to.”

“There’s a perfectly good bed at home.” Levi’s gut twisted at the word. That was not home, not  _their_  home anyway. It was Erwin’s.

“I thought I’d let you have some time alone.”

“Look, I can’t kick you out of your own quarters.”

“ _Our_  quarters. We are equal partners. So you have every right to kick me out.”

“Stop being a dick.”

Erwin put aside the map and sighed, propping his elbows up onto the tabletop.

“What do you want me to do, Levi? I can’t live with someone who hates me.”

“I can’t live with someone who infantilizes me.”

“I didn’t think you would see it that way.”

“Erwin… Just… Come to bed, all right? We can have this argument later. You’re tired, and so am I.” Levi suddenly realized how worn-out he was, despite having done almost nothing the entire day. Emotions were taxing.

“You haven’t slept yet?” Erwin seemed surprised.

“I was waiting for you to show up so I could yell at you some more.”

“And will you?”

“Will I what?”

“Yell at me some more.”

“No,” Levi replied quietly, watching Erwin’s tired face. “I don’t think it’s worth sacrificing precious hours of sleep.”

Within a quarter of an hour, they were both in bed, the candles snuffed out and the drapes were drawn. Levi felt the almost physical discomfort Erwin was experiencing as he lay next to him and, for the sake of his own sanity, he tentatively placed a hand over Erwin's.

"I won't murder you in your sleep if that's what your thinking."

“I would never think you capable of such a thing.”

Levi felt like he had to say something to that, but nothing came to mind, so he tapped Erwin’s hand again and turned away.

"Goodnight," he whispered as an afterthought.

"Goodnight, Levi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are absolutely amazing! Thanks for reading the story, I really want to stick with it, and you are giving me all the inspiration I need.
> 
> Side note: I stopped denying the fact that my tumblr is now essentially an AoT shrine, so I did a redesign and changed the [url](http://haganenoheichou.tumblr.com).


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin and Levi attend a formal dinner with the King, and Levi is overwhelmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are mind-blowing, amazing, wonderful and I just want to cuddle all of you! Thanks for sticking with the story so far :)
> 
> I'm throwing in another well-loved pairing as a treat!

As a month drudged by slowly, the newly-formed Smith dyad established a sort of routine. Levi reckoned it was a defense mechanism, more than a need for keeping to the schedule. If they followed a particular pattern of behavior, they were predictable. They were almost _as usual_ , despite their new circumstances. Every day, Erwin would wake up and leave before Levi did. He never had breakfast in his quarters, opting instead to sit with the soldiers and discuss the daily agenda with his Squad Leaders. Levi would follow him out of bed shortly after and enjoy a brief but much-needed personal shower. He had given up on trying to make food appear in Erwin's kitchenette, and resorted to going to the canteen for breakfast. He would slide into the empty seat on Erwin's left every morning, muttering a greeting to his husband and Hanji, and then proceed to eat quickly, without paying much attention to the idle conversation that came inevitably after the plans were finalized.

“So, are you looking forward?”

“Hm?” Levi looked up from his plate to see Hanji stare at him expectantly, her creepy gaze fixated on his face with sick enthusiasm that Levi knew did not bode well for him.

“I said, are you looking forward to wining and dining with the higher-ups?”

"What do you mean?" A cold feeling of dread flooded his insides, and he turned to look at Erwin, who only smiled apologetically at him. Erwin was apologetic all the time, and it was becoming quite irritating to his new spouse. Whenever a conflict arose concerning their marriage, Erwin would immediately look like a misbehaving puppy awaiting punishment. Levi had given up on admonishing him or trying to change the attitude the older man had towards their marriage, so he just resolved not to allow this to sway him.

“Well, apparently, the King himself and the Commanders of other Regiments are inviting you to Wall Sina for some R&R,” Hanji said, looking up at Erwin for confirmation. The man nodded briefly, studying Levi’s face.

"Let me guess, I have to be your sour arm-candy for the night?" Levi was definitely not happy with the development. Not only had his marriage ceremony been turned into a shameful display of gaudy wealth and make-believe subordination, but he was also now forced to attend parties and dinners, playing the part of the good little _wife_. Erwin nodded again.

“I’m sorry,” he offered.

“Stop being fucking sorry. I’m sick of it,” Levi said sharply. He immediately felt guilty for putting it this way as Erwin’s gaze shuttered. The blond leaned back away from him.

“I know you hate these kinds of functions.”

“I agreed to this. I should be able to handle the consequences,” Levi dismissed. “Will I get to wear another ridiculously expensive outfit that will potentially make me lunch should the Titans show up?”

“Of course. The King has already sent the clothes we are to wear, made by his own personal tailor. Golden threads and pins and all.”

“I feel so important, I’m almost Eren Jäger,” Levi said, acid dripping from every word. Further down at the table, Eren uttered an indignant  _hey!_  while Kirschtein struggled to suppress his laughter. Levi let his eyes slide over the two of them. It was worrisome that Kirschtein still did not have a potential bride, despite the fact that he was soon nearing eighteen. Levi had supposed he’d go with Jäger’s adopted sister, but the more he observed the soldier, the more he realized that Kirschtein’s feeble attempts at flirting and showing off in front of her was just something he did more out of habit than any real kind of mating behavior. His eyes widened when he saw Kirschtein suddenly put his hand on top of Jäger’s casually, and keep it there, instead of brushing it off as incidental contact.  _Interesting_ , he mused to himself. He turned back to his conversation with Hanji and Erwin, only to catch the Commander's eye and see the small knowing smile play on his lips. So he wasn't wrong about his presumption regarding Jean and Eren. Perhaps there was still hope for Levi Smith in terms of interpersonal sensitivity.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Hanji asked, following Levi and Erwin’s gaze back to the two young men.

“I doubt you are also thinking about the fantastic shit I had last night.”

No hope.

* * *

When the time came, Erwin and Levi rode the same carriage that had been given them for the wedding ceremony to Sina, the air between them shrouded in relative silence, save for the sparse idle comment about the weather or the atrocious architecture of the capital.

“Am I to keep quiet?” Levi asked in an almost-whisper as the palace came into view. There were no words to describe just how much he despised that place. He’d hoped that Eren and Annie would smash it in their squabble way back when, but, unfortunately, they had only managed to maim hundreds of citizens and knock down several dozen residential buildings, leaving this hellhole intact.

"Unless you can learn some manners," Erwin said, not unkindly. He knew that this was far from being Levi's cup of tea, which was why he had always taken Mike or Hanji with him to the capital when the Survey Corps had needed funds. This, however, was a social occasion, something Erwin did not frequent much, and it was only appropriate for him to show up with his new _wife_. “Look, it’s just one evening, nothing we haven’t done before.”

“Yeah, the last time I was social, I nearly got into a fight with Dok at my own wedding. And now I have to drink tea and eat diamonds at the same table as him? That is such bullshit, Erwin.”

Erwin sighed. “We couldn’t refuse.”

“I know that. Do you reckon they will try to intimidate you again?” Levi asked. The government had been very astute, as they had seen from the very beginning that Erwin Smith was a force to be respected, and feared. The man had  _ideas_ of his own, something the stuck-up pot bellies inside Wall Sina did not want him to have, and they would try to elicit personal gains from him anytime he had to reduce himself to requesting funds. The problem was that he had to comply with most such requests, as only part of their funding came from the state, the other sixty or so percent came from petty business owners, merchants, various Wall Sina riffraff that lived off the fruit of other people's labor.

“They will probably try,” Erwin replied idly. “Nothing we can’t handle, right?”

Levi noticed the  _we_  but said nothing.

“Can I ask you for a favor, though?” Erwin said, breaking the silence again. Levi nodded without hesitation; favors, he could handle. Their entire relationship rested on trust and favors. Erwin had done him a favor when he’d rescued him in that alleyway all those years ago, and he’d done him a favor when he had forced Levi to join the Survey Corps – using quite violent and unconventional methods, too. But Levi did not resent him for it, as he knew that were he not fighting Titans for a living now, he would be either dead or… or  _worse_.

“Anything,” he breathed, looking up at the man sitting across from him. Erwin’s blue eyes lost some of the icy edge they’d had, and the Commander cocked his head to the side.

“I know the comments get to you, but please try not to let them.”

“What comments?” Levi feigned ignorance, intrigued to hear what Erwin would say to that.

“The derogatory slurs, the whispers about you being a female… those comments,” Erwin said, looking suddenly uncomfortable. Levi felt sadistic satisfaction at that. What with his good upbringing, Erwin had always had a hard time accepting the fact that some people just didn’t like others and expressed their derisiveness in various ways.

“I will not be a bootlicker, Erwin,” Levi said sharply.

“I am not asking you to do that. Just… don’t be violent about it, all right? Leave it to me.”

“I thought we talked about this. I don’t need you to defend my honor, Erwin. I can handle myself.”

“We are both well aware of that. But for the sake of a future advantage, I think it would be wise to contain your temperament. It it always better to have an ace up our sleeve.”

“They know I’m an asshole,” Levi said bluntly. The people at tonight’s dinner table had seen him in action and fallen victim to his sharp tongue too many times to remain effectively ignorant of Levi’s bad attitude.

“So wouldn’t it be wonderful for them to see how their little marriage gamble paid off? Imagine that, reigning in the unbeatable Corporal Levi of the Survey Corps by making him a pretty little wife to his Commander?”

Levi eyed him in speculation.

“Are you serious about this, or are you just saying this to fuck with me?”

“Levi, I would never joke like that.”

“I suppose you wouldn’t.” Levi sighed dejectedly. “Fine, I’ll be your trophy wife. You better get me a great big bar of the best Sina soap for this.”

"I'll get you three," Erwin said, a little more relaxed now that the hard part of the conversation was over. The carriage came to a halt just as the sun slipped down past the line of the horizon, and the couple watched a lackey hurry towards it to open the door and help them out. Levi rolled his eyes, earning himself a small nudge from Erwin, but took the lackey's hand with good grace. As soon as Erwin was out of the carriage behind him, he offered Levi his arm and the latter accepted it, both appreciative and hateful of the fact that the boots the King had sent him had heels. The two walked up to the dais in front of the palace doors, where Dok and Pixis already stood to greet them. Their wives, small, mousy-looking women in lovely gowns, kept their eyes downcast, only looking up and smiling spasmodically when Erwin introduced Levi to them.

“Levi, this is Commander Pixis’ lovely wife, Giselle, and Commander Dok’s wife, Mary. Ladies, allow me to introduce you to my wife, Levi Smith.” The women said nothing, did nothing, it looked as though they _thought_  nothing of Levi. Besides that, he was already livid that his husband had chosen to omit his rank from the introduction. As if he had never even seen a Titan in his life, like these pampered girls.

The Corporal was disgusted. Is that how he was supposed to act? These women barely said a word, and when they did, it seemed as though neither of them had an opinion. He noticed the tension in Erwin’s arm and forced himself to relax.

"Pleased to meet you both," he said, forcing a small smile on his face. It was terrifying enough to elicit a look of concern from the Commanders' wives.

The three couples stepped inside the palace, following another servant as he led them through the overly-decorated corridor, pointing out the various regalia and paintings hanging on the walls. The women let out appreciative  _ooh_ ’s when necessary, and the men remained stoic, dropping idle comments like,  _yes, that was a fine victory indeed_ , and _it is truly a miracle that the sword is so well-preserved_. Levi honestly had no idea where he fit in on the scale, so just nodded whenever he felt it was appropriate. Finally, the grand tour came to a close as they were led into one of the King's many dining rooms. The man was already seated in his enormous, gilded chair at a surprisingly round table. Levi looked up at Erwin and saw him furrow his eyebrows. This sort of gesture was unheard of. Equal ground, was that what the King wanted them to believe? Or was it something else, an entirely different, hidden agenda that the man had in mind?

Levi allowed Erwin to pull out his chair for him and felt the King's prying eyes scan him over.

"You look beautiful, Mister Smith, the pale blue does bring out your eyes quite splendidly." _Mister Smith_. Not even  _Corporal_  Smith.  _Fuck this_ , Levi thought, and as he opened his mouth to effectively put a foot in it, he felt a calming hand on his elbow. Right.

"I am most grateful, Your Majesty," he murmured, eyes downcast, as he trembled with rage. "Your gifts are highly appreciated."

It seemed as though the King was surprised himself by the amount of submissiveness Levi displayed. He turned to Erwin, though, completely ignoring his other four guests, as the lackeys served the first course. Levi had to admit that the food tasted absolutely divine, even though he didn’t know what half of these dishes were.

“How is married life treating you, Commander Smith?” The King asked pleasantly. Erwin responded with a polite smile and leaned his shoulder against Levi’s in a display of affection. Levi accepted the contact by putting down his utensils and patting Erwin on the arm like he’d seen many wives do to their husbands. He could feel the burn of the gazes directed at them, and he milked it for what its worth, allowing himself to look up at Erwin with what he hoped looked like blind adoration.

“Best decision of my life, to be frank, Your Majesty,” Erwin replied, looking back down at Levi and locking their eyes. Even though Levi was screaming internally at the absolute absurdity of their little show, he couldn’t help but feel his own heart flutter in his chest. Nobody had ever looked at him like this, not even the men who’d fancied themselves in love, throwing money and jewels at him in exchange for his body back in the underground. “Levi is a wonderful spouse.”

“I bet,” Dok snorted. Erwin lifted an eyebrow.

“Truly. I find myself quite smitten with his charms.”

Dok had to look away to prevent himself from laughing. Pixis was too lost in his goblet of port to care. Suddenly, the real meaning of this dinner was very clear: it was no social gathering, it was a test of how Erwin and Levi compared to the other Commanders and their wives. It was a litmus paper for their sham of a marriage, and how far they were willing to take it.

"I am glad that my Decree served you an excellent purpose," the King said, watching Levi's face intently. The food kept coming, and the wine kept flowing, but neither Erwin nor Levi drank, preferring to keep a level head in case the others attempted to corner them. Dok, of course, had to point that out, when, before desserts, he lifted his cup speculatively.

“Say, Erwin, your wife doesn’t drink. How come? Don’t tell me you already have a little Commander on the way.”

Levi nearly choked on his water then and there.

"I don't believe that is an appropriate conversation at the dinner table," Erwin said smoothly, his hand slipping to Levi's thigh comfortingly. Levi was positively seething at this point.

"Why not?" Dok opened his arms wide with a theatrical flair. "Mary and I just found out we're expecting our second."

“Is that so?” The King turned to look at Dok’s wife who immediately averted her eyes shyly. “See, Erwin, this is real work for the good of the human race.”

“Are you saying women and bearers are the ones who are most important then, sir?” Levi asked smoothly, not taking his eyes off his plate.

The King let out a hearty laugh. “When you put it that way, it does put a damper on the merits of men.”

“And are bearers not men?” Levi pressed, ignoring the way Erwin’s fingers dug into the skin of his thigh warningly. The King’s face took on an expression of smug satisfaction. He’d managed to elicit the response he wanted from Levi.

“That is yet to be determined by science,” he said.

_Keep calm. Keep cool. This is all a game. Just a game._

“I am positively thrumming with anticipation,” Levi said in the shyest voice he could muster up. Who did that stuck-up prick think he is?

“You will be the first to know,” the King dismissed. “Well then, Erwin, when are we to expect a Smith Junior?”

“That depends solely on Levi,” Erwin said, his grip on his wife’s leg easing a little. “I have to say I am very keen to have an heir. Surely, with Humanity’s Strongest and myself as their parents, the child will have quite a legacy to follow.”

The King’s eyes narrowed menacingly.

“Quite.”

* * *

 

When they finally stumbled through the door of their quarters, exhausted to the point of collapsing, Erwin got to watch Levi punch and kick the door with passionate fervor. He did not enjoy the sight, though, as he usually did, when Levi expressed his frustration; instead, he waited until Levi’s energy seemed to flush out of his small body all at once, and the Corporal collapsed onto the floor into a heap. Erwin took care not to approach him just yet: Levi was dangerous when he was upset, more so to himself than anyone else.

“The way those smug bastards talked,” Levi whispered, his face hidden in the palms of his trembling hands as he kneeled on the floor, the crown of his head resting against the doorframe he’d abused just moments before.

"I know," Erwin murmured. "I'm sorry."

“You let them.”

“I had no–,”

“But I _did_! And I chose to submit!" Levi snapped, looking up at Erwin with reddened eyes. There were no tears on his face, just ugly pink blotches that covered his skin when he flushed. "I chose to do this to myself."

“You could have been made to marry someone you barely know.”

“I could have killed myself,” Levi mumbled into his hands. He was shaken out of his tantrum when Erwin slammed an open palm against the bedpost.

“Don’t say that.”

"I don't know which is worse," Levi continued. "Hating this situation or the fact that it makes me hate being alive."

“Do you hate me?”

There was a pregnant pause, before–,

“No.”

That night, as the two of them went to bed, Levi did not protest when Erwin put his arms around him and pressed up against his back, the warmth of his body enveloping him in a way that made him think of the wind whizzing in his ears as he killed Titan after Titan.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and if you want, talk to me on 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter to thank you guys for being such amazing readers!

The Survey Corps was in a state of disarray. The last couple of weeks had been spent planning weddings and baby showers instead of scouting formations, and that had definitely taken a toll on their readiness for the next mission. In fact, it had not been Erwin who’d initiated the launch, but the capital that had prompted the Commander to start moving. When the letter had arrived, the wall had taken a punch courtesy of Levi, and Erwin had sighed apologetically when announcing his so-called decision to the soldiers. In reality, it had not even been his.

It was time to move, just one day after Hanji and Mike's unfortunate wedding to each other. The two had decided to take the easy way out, like Levi and Erwin had, and had come to grudging agreement under the strict condition not to touch each other for as long as possible, or as long as the government let them get away with not bringing children into existence to "expand the glory of the human race." The newlyweds wished each other luck amicably as they made their separate ways to their squads, and Levi watched them with an uneasy feeling growing in his chest. He wished he could be like that with Erwin: friendly yet distant. Instead, the two were distant, all right, but in a very unpleasant way that made both of them squirm.

He had been assigned to ride right behind Commander Erwin with his squad in tow, which now included the inseparable trio from Shiganshina and Horseface. The amount of teenage hormones per square centimeter made him want to pull out his own hair, as he watched Eren and Jean try to look at each other all the while avoiding direct eye contact. He wanted to knock their foreheads together and make the two realize they were smitten and get married already if only to eliminate the two things that hung over his head like Damocles' sword: the repercussions Kitschtein would suffer if he failed to follow the marriage law and Eren's astonishing ineptitude at concealing his frustration which resulted in spontaneous Titan-shifting and property damage.

They charged out of the gates with less enthusiasm than ever. As the long-distance scouting formation dispersed over the fields and headed towards the forest of giant trees, Levi could vaguely discern the outline of his husband's proud back in front of him. He watched the cape of his Commander swish in front of him and felt the weight of the bonding bracelet on his wrist every time his horse's hooves hit the ground. After their dinner with the King, they had gained a better understanding of what the other wanted: Erwin just needed time to achieve his political goals, and Levi just needed to be left alone. However, the deadline was fast approaching for the two of them, and they were nowhere near close to even beginning to execute any semblance of a coherent plan. Soon, Erwin would have to impregnate his spouse, and Levi would be forced to withdraw from the vanguard, staying back at the headquarters and nursing his swollen feet and belly. The two avoided talking about it, as they knew it was a sore topic. The Titan in the room was growing bigger and stronger each day.

Levi was forced out of his reverie when someone to his left called out that there had been a sighting towards the edge of the formation. A smoke signal went off within a moment, and they carried on riding until Erwin indicated a slight turn towards the right.

They had ridden for another half hour before black smoke erupted right behind them, and Levi cursed. An Aberrant was hot on their heels, and they were still miles away from the forest. The horses were already getting tired, and there was no possibility of stopping until they reached Maneuver Gear-friendly terrain. He could already hear the heavy stomping of Titan feet approaching them, and he placed his finger on the trigger, ready to jump off and grapple himself to the Titan's neck. It was a very risky move, but if anyone were able to pull it off, he was. A second before he had to make his decision, he heard the Titan topple to the ground and looked back to see three other soldiers tackle it and sever the nape of its neck. He turned to glance at his squad: Eren was already putting down his hand, which had been raised to his mouth, a hard look playing on his face.

“You guys all right?” Levi called to his squad.

"Yes, sir!" Came the uniform answer, and Levi nodded in satisfaction before releasing his gear and turning back towards the front of the formation. There was quite a bit of distance between their group and Erwin's at this point, as they had unintentionally slowed down to watch the Titan fall. They had to regain; otherwise, the mist would make it impossible to see the bloody smoke signals.

They finally caught up with the Commander's group as they approached the very edge of the forest. The giant trees stood, unwavering, in the bitter cold wind blasting around them. Levi was already losing sensation in his fingers, and his toes, he was sure, had fallen off quite a while ago. He was frustrated with the entire affair: this mission was nothing but a show to maintain the illusion that the Survey Corps still existed to serve a purpose. The King, after all, was smart enough to know that if he were to abolish the Corps in the whole, he would be faced with some opposition from the people who actually believed in them. Therefore, the only way out for him was to turn the Scouts into his marionettes that he could display and withdraw at the right times. Levi knew this. Erwin knew this. Probably ninety-nine percent of the people involved in this pointless run knew this. And yet, they hurried on, their aim being to enter the forest, and exit at the opposite side, only to circumvent it from the right and return to the safety of the Walls without suffering significant losses. So far, they had been lucky enough due to the bad weather: there was probably not enough sunlight for the Titans to be able to come out in the numbers they usually had.

Of course, just as he allowed himself to relax – a foolish novice mistake worthy of a shitty trainee, not a Corporal of the Survey Corps, and definitely not Humanity's Strongest, – screams seemed to surround him from all directions, invading his ears with the piercing quality that only death possessed. They were under attack. In a dim forest, with almost no lighting, suddenly, there was an impossibly big number of giant bodies, encircling them like colossal pillars. The side squads had taken the heaviest blow, and Levi could only hope that there were no casualties among those who were the Survey Corps' biggest assets, like Hanji and Mike, for example. He struggled to see Erwin among the lowest branches of the trees, but all he saw was a dark shade of green, green, green enveloping him from all directions. He could hear Eren scream something at Mikasa and he saw a flash of silver as the girl took off, anchoring herself to a tree trunk and swinging towards the nearest Titan. He heard Armin's high pitched voice, full of fear, and before he could respond with orders before he could even formulate his thoughts, he was knocked off his horse by a massive Titan hand which wrapped itself around his body in a vice-like grip.

Levi cut himself free by amputating the beast’s fingers – it was a practiced move, something both his comrades and him had used before, and as he grappled towards the nearest thick branch, he saw a flash of blond hair amidst the chaos. He recognized Erwin’s fighting style right away – directed, sure, precise. The man was a killing machine, and Titans fell left and right. In opposition to Levi’s own more scattered, but deadly manner, Erwin never made a move without planning it out. The only drawback to his tactic was the fact that he stared ahead, disregarding a possible attack from the rear.

Which was what made Levi take off and land next to his husband, his back pressed tightly against his husband's, a great big Titan staring down at him.

"Fuck, Erwin. Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Levi hissed at the blond, before he attached himself to the Titan's shoulder and swung around it in an arc, taking out the nape of its neck in one swift, fluid movement. He saw Erwin give him a small smile before he, too, took on another monster, meaning to kill it in the same way Levi had done to his. But at that moment, the ugly beast flapped its gigantic hands in the air, as if the Commander were an obnoxious fly, causing him to change course last-minute. Levi's eyes, wide with sudden fear and worry he had never thought himself capable off, locked with Erwin and he caught the almost imperceptible nod the man gave him before Erwin altered his tactic and severed the Titan's Achilles' ligament, causing it to topple to the ground. Levi took his chance right then and there, jumping between the Titan's shoulder blades and digging his blades into the back of its neck, thus putting it out of its misery.

"Good work!" Erwin shouted, and Levi felt his chest expand with something akin to personal pride, but not entirely: he had saved his husband's life, he had collaborated with him in killing a Titan and had proven himself to be equal to the Commander in terms of strength and capability.

“You too!” Levi shouted back, and as he turned to look for the rest of his squad to see whether they needed help taking out the rest of the vermin, a huge fist cuffed him over the head. The only thing he saw before his vision turned black was Erwin’s horrified face.

* * *

He was floating. His body felt weightless as gentle waters ran along it, holding it up instead of sinking him to the bottom of this… this lake? Levi had never been in a lake like this before. It was a lake filled with strange water, water that allowed him to skirt on the surface without falling into the abyss. It was warm, too, and it seemed to have a mind of its own as he felt the gentle rocking movement of the current take him forth and back again, teasing the edge of his conscious, like a soft tickle, and then drawing back again.

Finally, the water pushed him forward too much, and he found himself inhaling air that smelled like moss, post-rain dampness and fine wool.

He opened his eyes groggily, only to find himself staring at a clothed back. The back was warm, clad in the green cloak of the Survey Corps, and it was soft enough to make Levi want to wake up. His limbs felt stiff, though, so he tried to move, but found that he couldn’t untangle himself from around the back – someone had tied his wrists together with what felt like a handkerchief. He tried to speak in protest, but all that came out was a pitiful, hoarse moan.

“Oh, you’re awake,” a gentle voice commented quietly, and Levi squirmed at the familiarity of it. Slowly, his memories came back to him. Mission. Titans. Erwin. Pain.

“Erwin?”

“Shh, don’t exert yourself. You took quite a blow to the head.”

“But… Titans?”

“All taken care off. We’re almost at the Wall now.”

“My hands?”

“I couldn’t risk you falling off. I used your cravat. Sorry for that.”

Levi leaned the side of his face against Erwin’s back, nodding in acquiescence.

“How are you feeling?” Erwin’s back vibrated when he spoke. In this proximity, his voice sounded somehow deeper, more powerful than ever. Levi tried to relax even as he struggled against the uncomfortably homey feeling he got when he felt Erwin speak against his cheek.

"Like I was hit over the head by a Titan, I suppose," he muttered, wincing when a wave of nausea hit him. "Feel like sicking up."

“Be my guest. This cloak will need some thorough washing anyway.”

“You are disgusting,” Levi replied with no real contempt in his voice. “The others?”

“Our friends are safe. We’ve suffered fewer losses than ever. Twenty dead.”

They rode in silence the rest of the way, and as the gates of the castle opened to welcome them, the Corporal felt extreme discomfort at seeing the concerned and curious eyes of his trainees who’d stayed back for the trip. They too knew that this had been a routine mission, nothing big, and seeing their commanding officer this incapacitated rose a lot of eyebrows. The embarrassment was overwhelming the pain at this point, and as Erwin untied his hands and got off his horse, offering Levi a hand, he ignored it pointedly, jumping down himself, and immediately had to lean against the horse’s side to prevent himself from falling over and blacking out.

“Let’s take you to the medical wing,” Erwin said, concern coloring his voice. That only served to make Levi angrier, and he pushed his husband away when he tried to put his arm around Levi’s shoulder to help him walk.

“No. There are enough injuries for the medical wing. I’m going home. I don’t need help.”

Erwin said nothing as he let Levi go. He watched the Corporal walk away from him on unsteady legs, hunched over, but with an ever-present stubborn set to his shoulders. The trainees looked on in silence. There were no more whispers to go around, only polite assessment of what was Humanity’s Strongest and Most Stubborn act.

* * *

 

That night, Erwin forced Levi to stay awake to prevent his concussion from becoming more severe. Though Levi had assured him it was unnecessary, Erwin stayed up all night with him in silence. Sometime around three, Levi found himself placing his head in Erwin's lap, his eyes closing as Erwin's fingers carded through his matted, blood-stained hair.

When it was time to get up, neither said a word. But every time Levi looked into the mirror as he dressed shakily, he could see a pair of blue eyes watching him with concern and something strange. Something warm. Something Levi had never been the target of.

And though it disconcerted him, it also made his chest expand with the same feeling he had gotten in the forest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is haganenoheichou, if you want to drop by and say hi. I love meeting new people!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Here's your present for Christmas plus Corporal Levi's birthday! Some very fluffy moments ahead.

Levi remained in bed for the next several days, much to his chagrin. Erwin had insisted on him taking sick leave and “focusing on recovery,” whatever the hell that meant. It wasn’t like Levi had those weird Titan healing powers that Jäger boasted on a regular basis whenever he got hurt (which happened quite a lot, the kid was more injury-prone than Wall Maria).

Being sick was peculiar to Levi. Not in the traditional sense, he’d been ill plenty of times, he had a couple of broken ribs and several instances of twisted ankles, but he’d never allowed himself to actually stay in and not do anything to allow his body to get over the injury. This was a new kind of experience for the Corporal. For the first time in years, the bags under his eyes became less prominent. The constant buzzing headache that had followed him around all day after only two to three hours of sleep was gone. His concussion had turned out to be minor, and even though he was secretly enjoying his little holiday, he was raring to go back into battle. Levi was not the kind of person to be idle when the situation demanded otherwise.

When Erwin had finally relented, Levi rejoined his fellow soldiers in training, having promised that he would take it easy. In his understanding, taking it easy implied downing a couple of dozen Titans and practicing his trademark spin. In Erwin's, it was drilling his squad on maneuver gear use from the safety of the courtyard floor. As Erwin was not only his _husband_  but also the Commander of the Survey Corps, it had been no surprise when Levi had shown up to the squad barracks with a demand to get ready for a “day of hell,” as he’d put it.

Levi watched as Ackerman spun through the air with ease, cutting imaginary Titans with exemplary strength and precision. In a few years, she could become a good Squad Leader, he thought to himself. Except Mikasa was also an unmarried woman who, in a few years, would be forced into matrimony with Sina-knew-who and made to bear his children. So much for winning talent in the military. His eyes traveled to Arlert, who still seemed unsure in his gear. That kid was a mystery to Levi: to be so astute in the planning room and such a dunce in the field, it was impossible for him to grasp. And yet, he could not help but feel protective of the young man. He had a good head on his shoulders, after all.

Eren nearly flew headfirst into a tree, and Levi rolled his eyes. "Jäger! What the fuck was that? Are you trying to kill the Titans by making them laugh so hard their sides split?" He hollered, shaking his head. As he was about to call out another bout of encouraging abuse at the Titan shifter, he sensed a hand on the small of his back, and, to his own horror, he could feel his muscles relaxing into the touch. A smell of sandalwood and morning dew invaded his nostrils, and he did not need to turn around to know it was his husband.

“What are you doing here? Stop interfering with my training,” he said flatly. Erwin only chuckled in response and lowered himself so that he could speak directly into Levi’s ear.

“You are fond of them, aren’t you? Admit it.”

“I am not, I’m just–,”

“You’ll make a great father.”

That stopped Levi short. He whipped around, glaring at Erwin.

“What the fuck, Erwin.”

“Just stating the obvious,” the Commander replied innocently, raising his arms in surrender, his bonding bracelet gleaming in the sun. Levi huffed in frustration and turned back to watch the brats.  _Preposterous!_ His eyes skimmed over the kids in his charge and he had to admit that a spasm of something that felt suspiciously like affection stabbed at his chest. He would easily lay his life on the line for any of these kids. The notion was nothing alien to him, after all, he had been a soldier long enough to distance himself from the preciousness of his own life. Nevertheless, he could not help but feel proud when any of them achieved something, however small it may be. Perhaps was a little paternal in regard to them, but that did not mean that he knew the first thing about parenting. As it was, he would probably have to learn, as the end date was approaching fast, and Erwin and he would have to produce proof of Levi's pregnancy within a couple of months' time. Which meant that he had about a month to either weasel his way out of this affair or reap the consequences.

He was broken out of his reverie when the front gate slammed open, and five horsemen in Military Police uniform came galloping in. The one in the front looked familiar: a slightly chubby, unpleasant man, Levi had seen him at some of the formal functions he'd been forced to attend. The four men behind him dismounted quickly and, within a moment, Jean Kirschtein was struggling in their hold, shackles snapping shut at his wrists.

“Let me go, you imbeciles! What the–,”

"What is going on here?" Levi walked up to the apparent leader, his eyes narrowing. "What gives you the right to come in here and assault one of my subordinates with not so much as an explanation?"

“Corporal Smith.” The man nodded derisively, his eyes traveling to the bracelet on Levi’s wrist. The latter noted the sneer on the man’s face and crossed his arms in front of his chest, showing the bracelet off even more. He was sick and tired of people trying to push him around just because he was Erwin’s  _wife._  “I am here to arrest Jean Kirschtein, soldier of the Survey Corps, for open disobedience of the Crown and take him to his cell within Wall Sina, where he is to await the execution of his death penalty.”

“What is he being charged with?”

Levi turned to see Erwin standing behind him, his expression grave.

"Jean Kirschtein celebrated his eighteenth birthday and failed to produce a marriage contract within a month's time afterward. You know the law, Commander Smith. I'm sorry to say that Kirschtein is to be punished to the full extent," the man explained patiently as if he were talking to a dumb three-year-old. He did not sound sorry at all.

 _Fuck,_  Levi thought. He had completely forgotten about the stupid law. He had forgotten that it was his duty to make sure and pester his squad in case such matters arose. The past months had been stressful, because of the new mission and his marriage to Erwin, but he had failed to do his duty and take care of those who had entrusted their very lives to him, and that was unacceptable.

“I’m afraid that is not possible.”

“What?” Levi and the policeman both asked as they stared at Erwin. The blond only shrugged in response.

“Forgive my utter air-headedness, Captain…?”

“Mauss.”

“Captain Mauss, I am sure you are aware of the fact that any soldier willing to marry has to submit the necessary petition for approval to the Commander of their Corps first.”

“I am well aware.”

"Then, surely, it is not young Private Kirschtein's fault that his Commanding officer has been drowning in paperwork recently and as such, had merely neglected to sign the document?"

The man’s eyes narrowed.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that Private Kirschtein here submitted his marriage act to me weeks ago, but I have simply had too much on my plate to get to it. I was supposed to send it for approval to the capital on his behalf, but… I must be really getting on in years.”

Levi stared at Erwin. What was the man playing at?

“Is this true, Kirschtein?”

Jean's eyes darted to Levi's face, a silent plea for instructions. After a moment, Levi nodded almost imperceptibly, and the young man's face seemed to relax as he said, almost casually:

“Yes, it is true.”

"All right, then." The Captain signaled to his men. The shackles were taken off Jean's wrists, and he was left rubbing his arms to regain circulation. "Pray tell, who the lucky lady is?"

“Um…”  _Fuck._ The three of them looked at each other, panicking. Levi was going through the list of names he knew in his head, female soldiers of the Survey Corps that were unmarried, but he could not come up with anyone that would–,

“It’s me.”

The four Military Policemen stepped aside from Jean to reveal a very determined-looking Eren Jäger. The young man had clearly just untangled himself from his gear, hair wild and uniform dirty. Jean stared at him openly.

“Eren–,”

“Eren Jäger, isn’t it?” The Captain drawled. “The famous Titan shifter from Shiganshina. You are aware that same-sex marriage is prohibited by law, right?”

"Right. But I'm a Titan shifter. Not human, as your people in court have made it a point to state time and time again," Eren growled, shifting closer to Jean and taking his hand with conviction. Levi could see that Jean was fighting an instinct to flinch away before relaxing into Eren's hold. "So the law does not apply. Not to me."

“Then Kirschtein cannot marry you, as marriage is only between two humans.”

“What if I were to tell you that I can bear children?”

“What?” This time the word echoed all around the courtyard as everyone in attendance gaped at the young soldier. Levi saw Ackerman looking slack-jawed and slightly betrayed, Arlert, who seemed to have just seen a ghost. He saw Kirschtein’s wide eyes and trembling bottom lip.

“I possess powers, Captain, sir. Those are not limited to Titan shifting. I can make body parts appear out of thin air.”  _Well, that wasn’t a lie entirely._ "So I am absolutely certain I can construct a good enough uterus to carry Jean's child."

“Eren, I can’t–,”

“Jean, shut up for once,” Eren cut him off. “I am willing to take responsibility for my words, Captain.”

The man regarded him for a long moment before letting out a chuckle.

“Fine. I will be expecting news of your pregnancy within two months’ time. You marriage petition should be on my desk by next week, or I will come back and arrest you, Kirschtein, and you, Jäger, for lying to a representative of the Royal Crown. Am I clear?” The two nodded shakily. “As for you, Commander Smith, I am sure the Survey Corps is very  _busy_ , and so are you, considering you are facing a deadline of your own.”

“I will be paying close attention to the state of Corporal Levi Smith’s help, Commander. Please remember that,” the man said by ways of a goodbye and yelled an order to his men, who mounted their horses and set off through the gate.

After the sound of their horses’ hooves dies down, the group stood in silence, staring at the gaping entranceway. Finally, Jean broke the silence by falling to his knees right into the mud.

“What have we done?” He whispered. Levi saw thick, ugly tears start to fall from his eyes, and the proud young man buried his face in his hands to hide them. With a sigh, he approached Jean quietly and kneeled in front of him.

“Hey. Kirschtein. _Jean_.”

“Corporal Levi?” Jean mumbled through his tears.

“Look at me.”

The young man stubbornly refused to lift his face.

“I said  _look at me_.”

Reluctantly, Jean’s tearful eyes met Levi’s.

"I know exactly how you feel. This is bad. It will get worse," Levi muttered. He was aware that the entire courtyard could hear his words, but he didn't care. It was important that Jean heard them as well. "But you should be thankful that you have such loyal friends, who are willing to risk their own hides to save yours."

Levi looked up at a wide-eyed Eren Jäger. He stood slowly, brushing off his knees. "Listen to me, Jäger. Whatever you feel for Jean will change. Maybe not for the best. But you have made this commitment, and now both of you have to pay for the decision you made. I suggest you take responsibility for everything that happens from now on."

“You all are dismissed,” he said louder, addressing Ackerman and Arlert as well. “It’s no use training when al of you look like you’re attending your own funeral.”

“I expect the two of you to sign a marriage petition letter by dusk and deliver it to our quarters,” Levi said, nodding towards where Erwin stood without looking at him. As he turned to leave, he said one last thing.

“Marriage is not a death sentence. It’s a close second.”

* * *

 

“I am very disappointed with you, Erwin,” was the first thing Levi said when Erwin walked through the door that night. He had spent the entire day planning for Jean and Eren’s makeshift wedding, having been reduced to finding a willing farmer to provide food and minister to celebrate the ceremony at a moment’s notice.

“I know.”

Levi looked up from his papers, surprised. He had expected Erwin to try to defend his course of action this afternoon. Instead, he saw sad blue eyes on a tired face of a man who looked too old for Erwin’s age.

“I know that forcing someone into this is unacceptable.”

“Yes.”

“I do not regret doing it for one reason.” Erwin paused. “Because I do believe their union could have potential. Unlike ours.”

_That hurt._

“Unlike ours? In what way?” Levi asked, furrowing his brows.

“We both saw the way they look at each other. The two are smitten. Chances are, their relationship will actually develop faster with this.”

“And how is their situation unlike ours?” Levi questioned.

“You resent this entire marriage. You abhor the idea of bearing my children, Levi. You can hardly stand to live in the same room with me.” Erwin sighed. “Perhaps I am a bit jealous of what those two could have.”

"The only reason why our marriage may not survive is that I am married to a moron."

“Hm?”

“I said you’re a moron.” Levi stood from his chair and walked right up to Erwin, looking up at his tired face. He invaded his personal space so that they were close, much closer than they would usually be, but not quite touching yet. “Don’t begin to think you understand the way I feel about our marriage.”

“Does this mean you don’t hate it?”

"Go to bed, Erwin. You're tired." Levi turned to leave, but Erwin grabbed his bracelet wrist before he could get away.

“Tell me. Just answer that question, Levi. Please.”

Levi looked up at the Commander, feeling blue eyes trying to uncover the answer somewhere in the lines of his face. With a sigh, he approached the taller man and tentatively wrapped his arms around Erwin’s middle. He inhaled the smell of the day past from Erwin’s shirt.

“I don’t hate it. I could never hate you. You saved my life.”

“So this is just your way of paying back your debt?” Erwin sounded disappointed.

“Don’t put words into my mouth. I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t saved me. That’s what’s important.” Levi pulled away from Erwin to look into his eyes. “Debt may be one of the reasons I married you. But it’s not the only reason why I stayed.”

Erwin’s lip twitched into a semblance of a smile.

“Likewise, Levi. Likewise.”

* * *

 

That night, as they blew out the candle and went to sleep with Levi sequestered safely in Erwin’s arms, Levi pressed his back into Erwin’s chest and mumbled:

“I don’t hate you.” There was a pause before he heard a fond whisper in return.

“I don’t hate you, too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you guys! Find me on tumblr, if you would like to drop a line at haganenoheichou.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the consummation of the marriage. Can Erwin and Levi handle it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are absolutely fantastic :) The comments and kudos helped me through this chapter. I have to admit, this is not your standard dub-con smut. I am terrible at smut. So I decided to play it a bit differently. Hope you like it.

“It is time, isn’t it?”

Levi looked up from his paperwork at Erwin, who was sitting in his favorite armchair in the farther corner of the room. They had taken on these positions for month now: Levi working in bed, propped up against several pillows, neat piles of papers stacked left and right, and Erwin, almost drowning in that humongous squishy monstrosity, folders and notices lying around everywhere. This comfortable way of non-interaction pleased Levi, as he still felt very awkward in their shared quarters. When they hid behind work, they could pretend like they were in the central part of the headquarters, clad in their uniforms, sitting in Erwin's office and discussing military plans and troop formations. As such, Erwin was wearing his ugly old pajamas, and Levi had stolen one of the older man's large shirts and staked a claim on it, having named it his personal nightshirt. Erwin hadn't minded back then, and the look he'd given Levi had spoken volumes. Levi had decided not to think anything of it. That way, it was easier to pretend.

“Time for what?” Levi asked, even though the cold dread that flooded his extremities seemed to be aware of what Erwin was talking about. He put aside his papers, feeling tired all of a sudden. “Sorry. I won’t… play that game with you.”

“The one who should be sorry is me,” Erwin replied seriously, getting up from his chair and sliding into bed next to his bonded. He sat up and looked at Levi sideways, his face stricken. “I promised you I would come up with a plan and… I didn’t. And now…”

"And now I have to carry your spawn. And then care for it. And then… It would probably have to watch us get eaten, or grow up with no parents because we will die sooner or later on a mission. Or, at least, you will, because the government is unlikely ever to let me fight again after I get knocked up," Levi said darkly, his mind reeling. He knew that he had had it coming. They should have been more serious about this. They should have… _What? Not gotten married?_  Levi shuddered at the thought of getting impregnated by some faceless Military Police soldier, or some merchant from the Inner Wall. No, it was better this way. At least he _knew_  Erwin. “When do you want to do it?”

“Preferably, never.”

The bare honesty in Erwin’s voice hit a chord with Levi, and the shorter man felt his chest tighten. It was quite clear that the Commander had no desire to sire a child, let alone a child born of a man of questionable origins, regardless of how close they could have been before this entire affair. Erwin was too important to get busy with a brat. And he had a way out: just carry out the deed, inseminate his  _wife_ , and let Levi do the rest. However, the Corporal knew his husband was not that kind of person. Erwin would love this child completely, fully, utterly, and he would spoil it rotten and pay mind to its every demanding whim. And then he would care too much, and one day, one day that kid would become his distraction and, ultimately, his downfall. The notion made Levi want to claw his own eyes out.

“We have to do it by next week,” Erwin added quietly, watching the turmoil that was undoubtedly showing on Levi’s face. “Otherwise the King might take you away from me.”

Levi ignored the possessiveness laced through that statement and shrugged.

“Next week it is. Monday all right with you?”

"I don't have anything scheduled for Monday." Erwin sighed. "That's in three days. That's… that's almost this week. I… What can I do to make it better, Levi? Tell me. I'll do anything."

“You cannot make it better,” Levi said sharply. “But you cannot make it any worse either, I suppose. So just… Promise me something, won’t you?”

“Anything.”

The Corporal looked up at his husband, his eyes straying to Erwin's lips, then the fine outline of his nose, his eyes, the slightly ruffled blond hair, the strong set of his jaw. He allowed his hands to wander, and touched Erwin's cheek almost gently as if he were doing it to a lover. Like he was supposed to be, given that marriage was _so sacred_  and all that bullshit.

“Don’t hold back. I know you’re angry. I want you to take it out on me.”

“Absolutely not.”

“I need you to do that for me.”

"But what if I hurt you?" Levi let his hand slip down, and he turned away to blow out his candle.

“You will hurt me either way. But this way, I have control over how you hurt me.”

_Three days. We have three days._

* * *

 

To add insult to the injury, those who were privy to Levi’s bearer status had been dropping hints and questioning glances the entire week before, making the Corporal more irritated than he should have been. Though he knew that male bearers like himself were highly fertile, stress and anger could affect the success of the process, and he didn’t know whether he would be able to go through it more than once. He would only know whether he’d fallen pregnant two weeks after the…  _act_ , so it was impervious they got it right on the first try. Otherwise, he'd be thrown in jail, or worse, remarried to someone who would have no qualms raping a former Survey Corps officer and humiliating him by impregnating him with some stuck-up brat with horrendous genetic material.

The entire three days were spent in tremulous anticipation. Erwin decided to escape reality by burying himself headfirst in letters to the King, remembering to mention the fact that Levi was _expecting to be expecting_  soon to please His Majesty, and Levi took to holding long solo training sessions in the woods right outside the headquarters. This was his last chance to fly before he was tied down to the earth, maybe permanently. Therefore, he gave it all he had. The first day he woke at the break of dawn and continued training long into the night until Erwin went out to find him still swinging around the trees with maniacal determination at the crack of dawn. The younger man’s uniform was dirty and torn, but he didn’t care one single bit. He kicked and screamed when Erwin dragged him back to their rooms for a rest.

The second day was not much better. Levi broke out of the confines of their rooms and fled, strapping in his gear and neglecting to put on his jacket as he went flying even further away from the castle. He had half a mind just to leave it all behind, make a run for it and never come back, but he knew that as good as he was, he would never survive out there, beyond the Walls, all alone; and he had a commitment to Erwin. He could not allow the man to get murdered for Levi's rebellious actions. So he came back by himself, reluctantly, and never said a single word to Erwin as he changed and slipped into bed.

The last day was the worst. The entire population of the headquarters was walking on eggshells around the couple. Hanji, for once, said nothing, as she spotted Levi’s sullen face, and the graduates of the 104th Trainee Squad looked solemn. Eren seemed particularly green, his eyes never leaving Levi’s flat stomach. He had to face a similar fate, and, as opposed to Levi, he had no idea whether he was even physically capable of doing it. Hanji’s experiments, up until now, have yielded no results, and Eren Kirschtein (Levi had spit out his tea when he heard  _that_  one) was growing desperate.

That night, when Levi went out to fly, he threw himself to the winds, his heart soaring every time the grappling shot out to catch on the next branch. He never stopped, having taken extra gas with him from the stocks. He wanted to give it all he had. Flying had been his first love, something he had been able to do innately as if he had been born with the Wings of Freedom on his back. Flying had been what had made him exemplary, something that had made this pasty, short young man from the pits of the sewers special, unique; something that had earned him grudging respect from his fellow soldiers and civilians alike. To Levi, flying was his natural talent, not child-bearing. Flying was an entirely different kind of creation to him, something he could do for the sake of humanity, all the while, giving himself the utmost pleasure of soaring through the trees like a bird. He had been a bird long before he had ever seen one, long before he'd seen the sky aboveground.

He threw his head back and let out a whoop that seemed to echo through the forest, rebounding off the tree leaves and flying up to the heavens. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he had to give this up.

“You’re beautiful like this!”

Levi nearly fell off his trajectory when he heard Erwin's voice call out to him. He turned to see the blond man grapple his way through the air towards him, his own uniform jacket off. He looked more disheveled than ever, blonde hair whipping in the breeze, eyes set on Levi's face.

The two of them landed on the ground with a thud. Levi looked up at his husband.

“I wanted to do this… for as long as I could,” he said, hating the way his voice seemed to choke off at the end of the sentence. Erwin took a small step forward, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I understand. I know you were doing this for yourself. But I stand by what I said. You look beautiful in the air.”

“Ugh, don’t say such things. Are you trying to make me feel more like a girl? _Beautiful?_  Honestly,” Levi scoffed. Erwin’s face softened into a small smile as he looked at his spouse warmly.

“There is no other word I can think of,” he said seriously. “Selfish as it was of me, I wanted to see it before you… before you are forced to stop.”

"You've got the nerve, all right."

“I know. I apologize. I seem to be taking everything from you recently.”

Levi didn’t have anything to say to that, so he allowed Erwin to follow him around as he lost himself in the motion of the wind. The two spent the entire day out, ignoring the fact that Levi had cleaning duty and Erwin had letters he had to finish writing. This was a time for the two, the Commander and the Corporal, to celebrate the passing of their youth. Their youth that had ultimately brought them together. Levi allowed Erwin to take his hands and toss him over to the farthermost tree in a move they had been developing for their squads. Too bad they would not be able to demonstrate it anymore. Erwin was an adequate flyer, an excellent one, even, but this could only be done by two people who knew exactly what to expect and when. In his head, Erwin had already dubbed it  _the Levi toss._

When nightfall came, Levi’s heart sank in his chest, and his movement slowed down. When it was unquestionably dark, he landed onto a thick oak branch and glanced down to see Erwin standing under it, his face solemn.

"It's time," Levi said quietly and jumped down from the branch, anchoring himself to the trunk to slow down the fall. Erwin nodded. Levi sighed and reached for the buckles of his gear, undoing them with quick, practiced moves. The leather harness came off, piece by piece, and he was left standing in his uniform, sans jacket, feeling more exposed than ever. He silently handed the straps to Erwin. The Commander gave him a questioning glance.

“Take them. I don’t want to see them every day and think of what I’m missing. Burn them if you want.”

"I wouldn't do that," Erwin murmured. "You _will_  fly again, Levi. They will be with me, waiting for you to fly.”

Levi gave him a sad smile, his eyes burning.

“Keep them safe for me, won’t you?”

“Always.”

The two walked back to the castle, arms touching from time to time. Every step seemed heavy, difficult to make as if their legs were filled with the densest lead. Not a word passed between them. When they reached their quarters, Levi swiftly took off the rest of his clothes, folding them neatly for the laundry tomorrow, and lay down flat on his back on top of the soft bed cover. He was no longer shy about his nakedness. The most important form of armor he'd had had been taken from him. The rest was just… semantics.

Erwin looked down at his bonded sadly, reaching for his own clasps. He stripped quickly, like Levi had, and stood over Levi’s tense form prostrate on the bed. His eyes swept over Levi’s small form, and it became almost unbearable to the smaller man. He did not want Erwin to look at him. Think about him. It was better if they didn’t. That was what he had learned back in the underground. Don’t look. Don’t think. Don’t feel. Just go through with the act and allow it to happen.

“Maybe it would be better if… you were on your stomach?”

 _He doesn’t even want to look at me. Because he knows about the things I did._  The unwelcome thought invaded Levi’s mind even as he turned over silently. He felt Erwin move behind him and saw the man uncork a small jar of what looked like oil. He was thankful for the kindness: many of the people he’d been with before had never even bothered about his comfort. The bed dipped as Erwin sat down next to him, and put a large hand on the small of Levi’s back.

“I… Levi–,”

“Shut up. Erwin, just… I’m not ready to discuss this. Just… Just get it over with, okay?”

Erwin was very careful as he prepared Levi, the mental image of the younger man lying almost dead in an alleyway etched onto the insides of his eyelids. The Corporal didn't make a sound as his husband's fingers breached him, and spread his legs wider submissively to make it easier. One, two, three… The rhythmic in-out of the Commander's fingers almost lulled Levi to sleep. Erwin was too gentle for his own good. Levi could not tolerate this kind of gentleness. He'd told Erwin to hurt him, he'd made him promise, and his husband honored his commitment to the fullest: this hurt more than any kind of beating, any kind of bruising or tearing. This hurt like a betrayal.

“I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?”

“Just… I’m ready. I know how it feels.”

“I’m sorry.”

As Erwin slowly entered his body, Levi wondered what his husband was sorry for. Sorry for knowing what Levi had been? Sorry for the fate he’d suffered? Sorry for taking him in and showing him what kindness was like? Sorry for marrying him? Sorry for doing this? Sorry for taking away the only thing that had made Levi happy?

There were many things that Erwin should have been sorry for, but for the life of him, Levi could not blame him. Not when he felt Erwin angle himself so that he brushed against his sweet spot. Not when Erwin whispered comforting words into his ear, his hands carding through Levi's matted hair. Not when Erwin suddenly tensed, and Levi felt his body fill with his semen. Not when the sensation, combined with Erwin's gentle hands, caused him to freeze and gasp out a desperate, _fuck!_ as he came. Not when Erwin pulled out and gathered Levi in his arms tenderly as if he were afraid to shatter him.

Not when Erwin broke down, tears falling from his eyes, as he buried his face between Levi’s shoulder blades. Not when Levi could do nothing but whisper the same comforting words back at his husband.

He felt Erwin’s hand trail down to his stomach, but he didn’t stop him.

He realized at that moment that whatever Erwin did to him, he would never try to stop him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and drop a line to me on haganenoheichou.tumblr.com


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is officially pregnant. And he isn't coping well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my loves! I am sorry I neglected you – I have been working on Eruri Week fics all of Christmas break, but now that it's over, I am back to focusing on this one! If you're curious as to how Erwin and Levi met, in my mind at least, please read my Eruri Week story, Moments: Existing. The story is part of a different series, but this is exactly how I envision their meeting before this story starts as well. Anyway, brace yourselves, for I will be merciless...

Several weeks later,  Levi was kneeling in front of the toilet bowl, heaving violently as he choked up what was left of last night's dinner. It had been like this for about a fortnight, and he was at his wits' end. It was evident that he was as pregnant as they get – and if the sickness were not testament enough, Erwin's doting sure was. The man refused to leave Levi's side for longer than an hour or two, making privacy, so dearly prized a privilege, almost entirely impossible. Levi would have thought that having the Commander of the entire Survey Corps wait on him hand and foot would at least be fun, but he had been sorely mistaken if he'd ever allowed himself to think that. Erwin was a bigger control freak than even Levi himself, which was saying a lot. The man kept asking his spouse about the state of his health, his mood, the contents of his bloody stomach. Which, at the moment, were non-existent, as Levi had finished evacuating everything dating back to around six in the evening the day before. He felt the stench of bile, the taste of his stomach acids eating away at his sanity, and he curled his fingers around the rim of the toilet seat, eyes burning with all the blood vessels he'd burst while vomiting. He panted, all the while trying to avoid breathing in too much of the disgusting smell, and sat back, feeling absolutely terrible.

“Corporal Smith? Are you all right in there?” 

_Ugh. Of course._

"I'm fine. Go away, Kirschtein!" Levi shouted back weakly. The name still felt foreign on his lips in reference to the young man.

“I… do you mind? I kind of need to–,” 

 _Fuck this_. On shaky legs, Levi walked over to the door and turned the key in the lock, opening it, only to have a blur of a Titan shifter dash past him to fall to his knees in front of the toilet bowl. Levi leaned back against the door frame. 

"I see I'm not the only one whose pregnancy does not agree with him," he commented tiredly as Eren made obscene noises, gagging and moaning his frustration. They had been having breakfast with the rest of the Survey Corps when the wave of nausea had hit Levi yet again, and he had been forced to leave the table in front of  _everybody_. It wasn't as though the Survey Corps hadn't been made aware of his predicament. Erwin had been pretty adamant on announcing it the very second it had been confirmed, in order to get the King off their backs, but it was still incredibly humiliating to have to draw attention to it in such a way. So much so that he had practically been forced to shake Erwin off as he had attempted to follow him. No bloody way was that ever going to happen. Levi had dealt with the most vicious of Titans. He could deal with his own sick, thank you very much.

Eren, on the other hand, had been hanging off Jean’s sleeve since day one after Hanji had drawn blood and declared his having a bun in the oven. Granted, their affection was at least more genuine, and so the usually sharp and slightly stuck-up Jean Kirschtein had been taking extra care of his new spouse. It was sweet, really, the way he tiptoed his way around Eren; and Levi’s heart (or whatever that sucking feeling in his chest was) went out to the two teenagers. They were too young for parenthood, but they had potential. Erwin and him, on the other hand, had never been fit to be parents. They were jaded, tortured, murderous old men, about as far from good role models and parental figures as anyone could get. And yet, Levi had found himself surrounded by fawning supporters of their union (he had already dubbed them all  _fangirls_  in his head, regardless of their gender), and Erwin had earned himself several sincere good wishes and slaps on the back. 

“Damn it,” Eren whispered, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. He looked up at Levi, and then, automatically, at his stomach. The Corporal knew he wasn’t showing yet, but people’s eyes tended to gravitate to his midsection anyway. “Will it ever stop?” 

“I have no clue. Women say it does, and soon, for both of us,” Levi said, seeking support from a sink as he grabbed onto it, feeling himself start to sway on the spot. He hated being sick. Being dirty. “But since we’re both technically male… I have no fucking idea. If there’s little to no research on how bearers react to this, there sure as hell isn’t anything on Titan-shifting brats.” 

Eren hummed, letting go of the toilet seat. “You’re right. I suppose I’ll just deal with it.”

He struggled to get up, and his knees buckled. Before he fell, however, he found himself being pulled up by the elbow by an equally pale, exhausted Levi. The two had some difficulty, but they managed to stay upright, ending up in front of the mirror that was hanging over the sink. Levi looked at their reflections wearily. If someone had told him a year ago that he would be sharing a toilet bowl full of baby-induced sick with Eren Jäger, the Titan shifter he had been supposed to watch and guard and, if needs be, kill, he would have laughed in their face and drawn his blades. As it was, there they were: two tired-looking men, a private and his superior officer, eyes red with unshed frustrated tears, their equally disgusting breath mixing in the small space. They looked at each other through their reflections, and Levi knew there was an unspoken sympathy they shared; after all, he and Eren were in the same boat. Forced to marry, forced to bear children, forced to stop being what defined them as humans (which, he knew, was especially important for Eren): soldiers. They were not allowed on missions anymore. Levi's Squad had been taken over by Hanji, which he was thankful for, as she was the only one he trusted to control the brats. He trusted her, yes, but he wanted to be out there next to her, with the wind in his hair and gear around his hips.

“Corporal Smith–,”

“Eren. Don’t insult me. Don’t… remind me,” Levi cut him off wearily. “It’s Levi now. It’ll be just Levi for a very long time.” 

Eren looked at him silently for a moment before nodding. “Levi.” 

“What was it?” 

“I hate it too, you know.” 

Levi responded with a nod of his own. 

“I know.” 

“I want to be out there with them.”

“I know.” 

"I want to kill the Titans like I was supposed to."

“I know.” 

“I want… I want to be out there with  _you_.” 

There was a moment’s pause before Levi placed a tentative hand on Eren shoulder and squeezed it lightly. “I know, Eren. I know.” 

They went back to the canteen after flushing their mouths out silently and took their seats at the left side of their respective partners. Even though they hadn't spoken much since Eren and he had fallen pregnant, Levi couldn't help but shoot the kid a morosely fond look over his now cold sunny side ups.

Erwin immediately started shoveling food onto his plate, clucking like a concerned mother hen, and Levi said nothing. He just ate what he was given. After all, that was his only job now. 

"Are you all right?" Erwin finally asked, as most of the soldiers took off from their seats and went to remove their plates. Levi stopped picking at his breakfast and gazed up at his husband with an unreadable expression on his face. He really didn't want to talk about this. He didn't want to talk to Erwin about anything, really. He nodded briefly before returning to his plate. They could do this later. Or never at all.

* * *

 

That evening, after Erwin returned from overseeing some new recruits training, he found Levi standing in front of the full-length mirror in their bedroom, turned sideways as he peered as his stomach. Though it was flat at the moment, Levi knew that in several weeks' time he would start to show. His uniform, which he had kept for sentimental reasons – and because Erwin had insisted, – would no longer fit him. His feet would swell, and his muscles would weaken in the places that mattered, all of his strength restructuring itself so that it would do the only function it had been assigned to do in Levi's case: support the child growing within him.

Levi’s hands went to his stomach, and as he touched the cold skin, he felt absolutely nothing. The kid inside him was nothing more than a tumor. It was even less, Levi supposed, as a tumor would have elicited much more of a reaction from him than this. He couldn’t help but feel bad about it: after all, the child would be a living, breathing person, a part of him and Erwin, and yet he felt as distant from it as he did from any other kid in the street. He was going to be a horrible parent; he just knew it.

Damn the fucking King for forcing him into this. Damn the Decree. Damn Erwin. Damn everything. 

Helpless tears threatened to fall from his face, and he gritted his teeth as he drew back his fist to hit his own reflection. He wanted never to see himself again. Never show his face at daylight. He wanted to…

"Stop," a gentle voice whispered in his ear, and a strong hand caught his wrist. The Corporal turned to see his husband standing behind him, dressed in full uniform – damn him! – his face serious. "Stop it, Levi."

When the tension dissipated from Levi’s arm, Erwin let go of it cautiously and looked him in the eye, pulling him away from the mirror. “What was that about?” 

“What do you care?” Levi snapped. He felt sick again, though not in the morning sickness kind of way, but in a purely human, depressed kind of way that turned his stomach even worse. 

“I do care, Levi. You might think I don’t. But I worry about you all the time,” Erwin told him, his voice grave. This attitude of his only served to make Levi angrier, as he tore away from Erwin and turned to look through the window instead. Anything but Erwin’s fucking blue eyes. The blue eyes the kid would definitely inherit.  _Fuck_.  _I am already thinking about the child more than anything else. I am obsessed with my failure._

“It’s easy for you to speak, you asshole. All you had to do was shove your dick up my ass and hope it stuck,” he bit out, acid dripping from every word. The next second, he knew he had made a mistake, as Erwin grabbed his shoulder roughly and turned him around to face him full-on, eyes blazing with something worse than anger. Something Levi had never been on the other end of, until now. 

Erwin shook him violently by the shoulders. 

“Don’t you dare say I don’t care about you, or this child, Levi.”

"Exactly. All you care about is this fucking kid and what it will do to further your cause."

“You know I never wanted this in the first place.” 

“Oh yeah? Because I remember quite vividly how your fucking hands were all over me that night, how you moaned when you did that–, that  _thing_  that you did to me…” Levi’s voice was taking on hysterical notes at this point. Erwin’s expression only grew more monstrous as he shoved his fingers in Levi’s hair and tugged at it painfully to pull his face up and peer at him. 

“So it was all me? All me back there? It’s all my fault?” He thundered at Levi. Anyone who knew the Commander well enough would have considered this the final warning sign, but Levi was pissed off, married and pregnant with the man’s brat, and he was beyond rational. 

“You fucking  _raped_  me, you coward, and you dare say I  _wanted_  it?!" He yelled back, hands clawing at Erwin's arms to loosen his grip on his hair. At that, Erwin dragged him to the mirror by his hair and slammed his face into it, hard.

“Look at yourself, you son of a bitch! Look! You should be fucking grateful you’re clothed and warm and pregnant with my child! You could be married off to some officer back in Sina, or a merchant, or one of those Underworld mutts you liked spreading your legs for! Or maybe you’d like that, you whore, wouldn’t you?!”

Silence fell as both of them panted, Levi's breath staining the glass. A moment later, Erwin's eyes widened, as he stared, horrified, at what he'd done. He let go of Levi's hair immediately, looking stricken. He watched Levi, leaning cheek-first against the mirror, eyes squeezed shut tightly, like a child that was scared of being hit. Levi was afraid of him. He had made his bonded afraid of him.

“Levi–,” He stretched out a hand towards the Corporal, only to find himself rejected by a small, yet firm voice. 

“Don’t touch me, Erwin.” 

“Levi–,”

“ _Don’t._  Touch. Me." Levi staggered away from the mirror, eyes downcast. He grabbed his jacket blindly, finding it on the bed with relief and tugging it on hurriedly. He couldn't think. He couldn't speak. He had been beaten, bruised, wounded, so many times, but he had never been truly frightened of anyone. He had killed Titans in cold blood and seen his fellow soldiers perish, but he had never known this kind of innate, horrific fear. He buttoned up his jacket with trembling fingers and made for the door as if his life depended on it, while Erwin watched, rooted to the spot.

“Wait!” Erwin tried to take his hand as he staggered towards the exit, only to find it twisted out of his grasp. 

"Don't touch me, Erwin. You're right. I'm contaminated. I'm a whore. I should be grateful for what you're doing for me. Forgive me. I will remember my place from now on. I will sleep in the stables. Don't worry. I'll keep the kid warm. I know it means a lot to you, even if it comes from someone like me," Levi said tonelessly as if he were reciting lines. Before Erwin knew it, he was out the door, and the Commander was sinking onto the floor, his face hidden in his hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Erwin's strained relationship continues...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the great reviews you've given me! Please don't hate Erwin, I think he needs a little wake-up call, and that is about to come... This was edited in a hurry, so pardon any mistakes, please!

Levi stuck to his word: he continued taking care of himself, feeding and keeping Erwin’s future brat warm. Though now he did it without Erwin around – he had refused to see his husband ever since their fight, and he had come to the conclusion that his state of mind was better when Erwin wasn’t around. After all, Hanji had told him to avoid stress, and Erwin was nothing if not stressful. The former Corporal admitted that he had been a bit too harsh, perhaps. He had injured Erwin where it hurt the most – the man’s integrity. Erwin believed himself to be a moral person, full of shitty values and standards that Levi couldn’t give a damn about, and to accuse him of something as lowly as being now good as the animals Levi had taken on in the Underground was an insult that could not be forgiven easily. Levi stood by it, however. He was not going to be treated like a trophy wife. Like a bloody carrier for this little germ that ate away at his mind and body.

“I think that’s a good name for you, you pest. Tumor. Tumor Smith. It has quite a ring to it, don’t you think? Levi asked his stomach, feeling foolish for talking to a bloody fetus that had no idea what kind of monstrous world it would be born into. That was another matter that weighed on Levi’s mind: he was going to become a murderer as soon as he would become a parent. The kid was unlikely to survive in this bloody mess, with Erwin running around on missions and Levi being incapable of lifting a finger to protect himself and the child. They were all going to be eaten eventually, he knew, and this kid would become another pointless death among the many Erwin and him had been responsible for throughout their military careers. “I bet you’ll hate your mommy for doing this to you. Wait till you see the other asshole.” 

Levi spent his days in the stables, sometimes leaving to get food from the canteen. Several times, Eren had attempted to visit him, and the former Corporal had accepted his company – until the day had come when Eren had arrived with a guilty look on his face and a missive from Erwin clutched tightly in his hand. Levi had tried to be as gentle as possible when telling the kid to piss off – after all, he was in the same delicate condition as himself. Both of them were already beginning to show, and thankfully, the morning sickness had receded, making their days more bearable. Not that Eren had anything to bear necessarily: Jean had turned from a self-centered ass into the most lovingly doting father-to-be. And not in the non-genuine way Erwin had done: Levi could see he was really concerned about Eren’s wellbeing and the Titan shifter took it in his stride, accepting Jean’s attentions.

He sat down on his makeshift cot as he opened the letter. 

 _My Levi._  He snorted to himself, his fingers tightening over the paper in his hand. Just because Erwin had impregnated him with his spawn, he was nowhere near staking his claim on the younger man. 

 _I am writing to you out of dire need._  Because he would never write for another reason, given the fact that Levi had damaged his fucking pride. 

_The King, it seems, is joyful beyond imagination by the fact of your pregnancy. He wants to organize a ball in your honor. Needless to say, your attendance by my side is mandatory. I would not be asking this of you if our lives did not depend on it._

_The carriage will come for us on the 20th, at the eighth hour. Please be punctual. Your attire will be delivered to your new dwelling place tomorrow._

_Erwin Smith, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps._

Levi looked at the written lines humorlessly as he went over them in his head. A fucking ball. Having to waltz around and kiss ass for Erwin’s sake yet again. The letter wasn’t even an invitation, nor a hint at one. The letter was an order. An order from a Commander to his subordinate. Pity Erwin hadn’t been bothered to remember the fact that Levi was technically no longer part of the Survey Corps. Which made his orders more intimate: as a husband to his recalcitrant spouse. The thought of following Erwin around made Levi sick. 

He still felt sick as he stood by the Commander's side in the Great Royal Hall, decked out in robes of pure white (oh, the irony of it all), his bonding bracelet displayed almost haughtily. Erwin had barely spared him a glance as they had ridden all the way to the Royal Palace, and their conversation had been non-existent. As soon as they had entered, however, Erwin's entire demeanor had switched. In a flash, right before the doors had opened to let them in as the guests of honor, his arm had twisted itself around Levi's waist, his hand brushing the side of Levi's pregnant stomach. It would have been better if he had just stabbed his bonded in that very spot. Nevertheless, Levi had also pulled on his best demure facial expression as he was introduced to the elite wives and husbands of the military pantheon.

When the night grew old and weary, Levi detached himself from Erwin. The man almost grabbed for him, but Levi gave him a stern look. “I’m only going to the bathroom, for Sina’s sake. This fucking brat of yours is a shitty tenant.” 

Even if he had noticed Erwin’s hurt look, he refused to acknowledge it. He made his way out of the hall and down the main corridor, where a lackey stood to attend to the guests. “Bathroom?”

“Right this way, Mister Smith.” 

 _Fuck this. Fuck Mister Smith. Or rather, get fucked by Mister Smith and suffer the consequences,_  Levi thought to himself. He entered the grand bathroom, gazing around with muted awe. As a street rat by birth, he was still unwittingly surprised by just how much money could be invested into a single royal room. As a military man, he seethed on the inside as he imagined the ways the money could have been spent for the good of humanity. As Levi fucking Smith, he only felt helpless rage. But it wasn't just the palace bathroom. Levi's constant mood at this point was always helpless rage.

He strode to the golden-framed mirror, his white robes swishing behind him. His attire was ridiculous. The elbow-length sleeves and the tiny lace trim that rounded the very bottom of his robe looked bloody matronly on him, the small bulge of his stomach seemingly emphasized by the stark white of the silken cloth. He had been denied the usual military boots. Instead, he wore white leather shoes with silver buckles. The entire  _purity_  masquerade was so incredibly  _tacky_ , so forced, so bloody humiliating, that for a second Levi thought he would cry over fucking  _clothes_  for the first time in his life. He righted himself, however, and leaned his forehead against the cold glass. He closed his eyes and just  _breathed_. He would get through this. He would stay by Erwin's side like he was supposed to, and they would not get caught or executed, they would be okay.  _He_  would be okay.

“Well, well, well.” 

Levi’s eyes snapped open.  _No_. He turned around swiftly to look at the newcomer, the only other person in this gaudy bathroom, and his blood ran cold as he saw the face he had hoped to erase out of sight and out of mind. But there he was, clear as day, alive and well, despite all the death wishes Levi had prayed for. 

“Kenny.” 

“Missis Smith,” the man said, his drawling voice a mockery of a salute as he tipped his hat to Levi, striding into the bathroom. 

“Fuck you.” 

"Been there, done that, sweetheart. What a grand opportunity, catching you all by your lonesome, fixing your cute little face–,"

“Fuck. You.” 

“Not interested in the Commander’s sloppy seconds. Come to think of it, does he know that you are mine? Sloppy, sloppy, disgusting,  _dirty_ …” Kenny strode forward and shoved his face up against the side of Levi’s, the palm of his hand pressed up against the mirror as he crowded the former Corporal against it, his breath a foul stench of fish and booze. “Does he know that I was in there before him? That I made you scream before he did–,”

“He did  _not_  make me scream, you sick fuck,” Levi growled back, his heart hammering in his chest. “And neither did you.” 

“Not in pleasure maybe, but that’s all semantics, don’t you think?” Kenny replied, his mouth pressed flush against Levi’s neck. The smaller man squirmed away from his as far as he could while backed into the mirror.  _Fuck_. He could not do anything. The fucking robe was too long and too confining for a real fight. Kenny's hands slipped down to encircle Levi's wrists, spinning him around to press up against his back. "Dearie me, sweetheart, your tummy might be full with the good Commander's spawn, but your lovely ass is still the same, nice and tight, just like I remember it being."

Levi felt chilling horror when something hard brushed up against his thigh.  _No, no, this cannot be happening, someone…_

“You like it, you whore.” 

_No._

No. No. No. The word echoed through Levi's mind, and his body sprung into action. With the last of his strength, he pushed off against the mirror, sending Kenny flying backward across the bathroom. He crashed into Kenny's stomach as the older man smacked against the opposite wall. He elbowed Kenny in the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of the man's lungs, and stomped his heel onto his instep, eliciting a howl of pain. An angry Kenny was a deadly Kenny, so as the man launched himself at Levi, his eyes watering, Levi lashed out and hit his face with force, effectively breaking his nose with a well-aimed punch of the fist.

While Kenny was too busy nursing the bloody mess his face had become, Levi ran. His hand barely touched the handle when the door suddenly swung open, revealing a very pissed-off looking Erwin. Their eyes met, and then Erwin’s gaze slipped past Levi’s shoulder. 

“What is going on here?” He asked quietly, gently pushing past Levi and into the room. Kenny, his eyes still full of tears, slithered up to the Commander, his voice smooth and sweet even as he fought against the pain. 

“Commander, your  _wife_  must be suffering hormonal changes, you see, I just came in to say hello, and he attacked me–,"

“You liar!” Levi yelled angrily, the air in his chest constricting. “You shoved me against the wall! You–,” 

“That’s enough, Levi,” Erwin said, his voice stern. The blue gaze assessed him with medical precision – from Kenny’s crimson blood on his robe to his tousled hair. “Did you hit this man?” 

“Yes! But I had bloody reason enough to do it!” 

"It doesn't matter. We are guests of honor here, Levi. Which means such behavior against other guests is unacceptable. You will apologize to Mister…?"

"Ackerm–, Ackers. Kenneth Ackers, Commander Smith," Kenny simpered, picking up his hat from the floor. "There is no need. Levi is an old acquaintance of mine; I suppose I startled him–,"

“No shit!” Levi burst out. 

“Levi,  _enough_. Mister Ackers, please accept my sincerest apology for my spouse’s behavior. He does tend to be passionate when he fights.” 

“Oh, I am aware of that,” Kenny said, pointing at his nose. “No matter, a broken bone never hurt anyone, heh. I shall see you around, I suppose,  _Levi_. This is what you are called now, right? Congratulations on the impending addition to your family, Commander Smith, sir.” 

With that, he was out the door. 

Levi and Erwin stood in silence, Levi’s head down, his arms crossed over his chest, eyes downcast. 

“Levi–,” 

“You knew who he was.” 

“Yes.” 

"I told you enough about Kenny Ackerman. I told you what he was capable of. What he is still capable of, it seems," Levi murmured. He raised his face to look at Erwin, searching him for any kind of remorse, any sort of reprieve. "And you apologized to the fucker on my behalf."

“Levi, you have to understand–,” 

"Oh, I understand perfectly, Erwin. We are guests here. We are fucking guests. We are always guests, and we always have to behave." Levi's voice wavered dangerously, his body shaking with anger. "You want me to do nothing when he touched me in ways I thought I was rid of. You expect me to kiss the asses of the people who seek to humiliate you and I both. You want me to come to terms with the fact that I have lost everything I have ever cared for–,"

“Not everything.” 

“Ha!” Levi breathed, his face twisting into a cruel grimace. “Who says I ever cared about you, you fucking  _coward_?” 

Erwin’s eyes widened. 

"Yes. You are a coward, Commander Smith. A damn coward. A piece of bureaucratic shit, just like the rest of them. You are a liar, too. You lie to yourself. You lie to me. You lie to everyone because you can get away with it. You say you have a plan. You say you can get us out of this. Well, guess what, you fucking moron? We are in the Royal Palace, celebrating my fucking pregnancy. So, you know what? You can take your fucking lies, your bloody delusions and shove them up your ass. I am done giving you chances."

“W-What exactly do you mean, Levi?” Erwin asked quietly, his voice unsteady.

“I mean that I will help you keep up this charade, for the sake of both our lives. But don’t you dare think for a second that I will be a tool in your hands. You have already used me, as a soldier, as a wife, as your bloody whore. That’s it. I am done being used by a coward. I am better than that.” 

“Levi.” Erwin approached him slowly, his voice incredibly soft. For a moment, Levi’s heart went out to the man, but his anger was enough to keep him tethered to the words he’d just spoken. 

“No. I may be nothing but a cheap piece of ass. I may be nothing but brute force for your plans. But that’s to you. To me, I am a human being, and I will act as such,” Levi deadpanned. “No more manipulations, Erwin, they don’t work anyway. And as soon as we are out of this mess, I never want to see you again. You can take this fucking brat and fuck the hell off. Get it?” 

Erwin nodded, slowly, his face unreadable. 

“Good. Now give me your fucking jacket, that bastard’s blood is all over my  _dress_.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment or drop me a line on Tumblr: haganenoheichou.tumblr.com


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is the only reasonable person around... for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh guys, thank you for the influx of comments! I do realize that my recent chapters have shown Levi and Erwin to be slightly OOC, and I'm not making excuses, but my premise is: a) pressure b) pregnancy hormones and c) suppressed feelings. Anyway, here is the next chapter, un-betaed as always. Love!

Things didn't get much better since the ball. Levi and Erwin had spent the entire night posing as the happy couple, with Erwin's arms wrapped tightly around Levi's middle and Levi's entire form encased in Erwin's seemingly oversized jacket. They had smiled and responded to the most impertinent questions, all the while aware of the King's watchful eye. The man had not gotten up from his throne, positioned strategically at the highest point inside the hall, and the whole time he had been following Erwin and Levi's moves like a hawk. They could not afford to slip up and to destroy the illusion they had created upon the man's orders, and so both Misters Smith had been on their best behavior.

After the nightmare was over, they had gone home in total silence, pressed up against opposite sides of the carriage. 

Levi had taken to going for long walks around the castle grounds and sometimes even outside them. He had been firm enough with Erwin to make the older man rethink his prohibitive policies concerning the bearer of his future child, and he gave Levi his freedom to roam, within reason. Soon, Levi had been joined by Eren, another lonely, bored soul, and the two of them would traverse the small field outside of the castle walls together in companionable silence. Eren was already bigger than Levi, even though his term was shorter, and he had a hard time keeping balance on his swollen feet without the former Corporal's support. Levi himself was having difficulties with balance: it seemed like his body was not accustomed to such rapid and strange changes. His bladder kept sending him alarmed signals, and the joints of his hips complained about the excessive pressure he had never been subjected to before.

"So, does Hanji know when you're due?" Eren asked him during one such walk, as their feet hit the grass-covered ground softly. Levi sighed in response, shrugging his shoulders. The military uniform was now a distant dream to both of them, and instead, the soldiers of the Survey Corps had chipped in and paid for plain cotton shirts and pants for the both of them. Levi had dropped off his no-longer fitting uniform at Erwin's quarters, earning himself a wounded look from the older man.

"She supposes it'll be another five months or something. It's all estimates. It looks like you'll deliver earlier, at the rate you're going," Levi replied, pointing towards Eren's stomach. The young man smiled in response, his hands slipping to the swell like it was the most natural thing in the world. He rubbed his stomach gently, tenderly as if there was no barrier of skin between him and Jean's spawn already. Levi watched the wordless display with envy. He could only wish he were this comfortable with his kid. Every time he attempted to be gentle, to mimic the mothers he'd seen before, he just ended up feeling foolish. It wasn't like the child could hear him, or understand him. And it wasn't like he cared, anyway.

“I guess. I have to say, I’m excited for this,” Eren told him honestly. Levi rolled his eyes. 

“You were always the crazy one.” 

“Whatever you say, Humanity’s Strongest,” the young man teased. Levi’s back stiffened. “Sorry. It’s not getting any easier, is it?” 

“No,” Levi said shortly. “I lost it all.” 

“No, you didn’t. Did the King explicitly tell you that you’ll never fight again?” 

“He didn’t. But he didn’t have to. I will be stuck babysitting the brat and feeding it and–,” 

“You make it sound like a chore.” 

“It is.” 

“Not to me.” 

Levi regarded the young man for a moment. “You really do want to have this child.” 

“I really do,” Eren said, nodding in the affirmative. “I have to admit, at first it was just a way to save Jean from getting carted off to prison and executed, but we have grown on each other. And I think this child could be… good. For both of us.” 

“Nothing like worrying for a little brat when you’re out killing Titans,” Levi said tonelessly. 

"I can't lie. I am scared of that as well. If I had a choice, I probably wouldn't have chosen to have this child now, when we're in the middle of war. I know I will blame myself for their hardships," Eren said. "And so will you."

“I will not–,”

“Corporal Levi, with all due respect, you care.”

Levi pursed his lips. “I suppose I do. So what am I to feel, when I know that I am serving as a fucking incubator for a potential corpse?” 

“I think of it as extra motivation. Give birth, stay at home for a bit, and then go kill all the Titans so that our children never have to face this horror again.” 

“What about yourself, then?” 

Eren’s smile slipped. “If everything goes according to plan, my child will never learn of my nature.” 

“Lying isn’t the best policy.” 

“Neither is scaring the crap out of a toddler.” 

Levi hummed. “I’m surprised to see Kirschtein, I mean,  _Jean_ , so involved in the pregnancy.” 

“Oh, Jean has been such a help, I’m afraid he’ll develop morning sickness of his own if he worries about me more. The idiot doesn’t seem to understand that I can handle this without his constant doting. Sometimes, I miss the old horse-faced arrogant ass that he used to be,” Eren said with a smile playing on his face. 

“You’re so fucking sweet on him, it’s ridiculous,” Levi commented. 

“It’s natural.” Eren shrugged. “Seems our impromptu marriage is the only one that’s working out so far.” 

“Hanji’s not complaining either.” 

“Hanji and Mike are about as interested in each other as Titans are in cattle,” Eren said. “They’re companions. They will never be anything more.” 

“It works for them.” 

“Does yours work for you?” Levi winced. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. Never mind.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, Eren, but Commander Smith and I haven’t spoken since the ball.” 

“B-But, that’s weeks! What is he  _thinking_?” Eren asked, eyes narrowing. 

“Don’t you go into one of your raging rants now, Kirschtein. I don’t care what he is thinking. And I hope he doesn’t share.” 

“That isn’t right, though. A child should have a whole family.” 

“Erwin has made it very clear that I am just a vessel for  _his_  child. And, in turn, the kid is his key to success in politics. So as far as I’m concerned, it’s already an orphan.” 

“Don’t say that!” Eren said, his voice shaking with anger. “Don’t you see that you have a chance to make things right?” 

“Right? Me? You’re out of your mind.” 

“I am  _not_.  _You_  are. You and Commander Smith.” 

“Hold your tongue, boy–,” 

“Or what? I will tell you to face the truth that you refuse to look in the eye? The fact that you and your husband cannot see what is so obvious to everyone else?”

"And what would that be?" Levi asked, hands on the hips as he looked up at the younger man who seemed to have grown with his anger, his face above the former Corporal's.

“The fact that you two belong together.” 

“Ha!”

"No, it's true. Everyone sees it, except for the two of you. Before all this, when you were together, it was like only the two of you could stop the Titans and save humanity, just by fighting shoulder to shoulder. You were an inspiration to all of the recruits. You were teamwork embodied, and now you tell me it all meant nothing? Has all of my training been for naught as well? Because, if the greatest soldiers in the Survey Corps can no longer fight because of their own stubbornness, there sure as hell isn't any hope for the rest of us!"

Levi looked at Eren with wide eyes. The younger man immediately recoiled. “Pardon me, sir-,”

“Levi.” 

“Pardon me, Levi, I shouldn’t have said those things.” 

“No, you shouldn’t have. And you wouldn’t have, were we still Corporal and Private.” 

“Aren’t we always?” 

“I wonder.” 

The next several days, the two avoided each other's company. Eren kept shooting Levi guilty glances, while  Levi's mind kept going over Eren's words. He couldn't help but think that the kid was right to an extent – that before, before all this, Erwin and he had been unstoppable. That they had been great as soldiers, as companions, as friends.  _Marriage ruins everything_ , Levi thought bitterly.

Each time he stepped outside of his makeshift den, his gaze drifted up to Erwin’s window automatically. 

* * *

 

It wasn't until the end of the week that Levin had had enough of Eren's obnoxious voice in his head, his puppy-dog eyes looking at him as if he were a childhood hero of his that had betrayed his faith. As dusk settled in across the land, Levi left his stables with determination, eyes gravitating towards Erwin's window. The light shone through it brightly. It was clear that Erwin was probably seated at his desk, working. He had been doing that quite a lot since Levi had moved out. With a sigh that carried the weight of the Walls Levi set off for his so-called home, the room he had shared with Commander Erwin Smith.

He knocked politely on the door, entering at the tired ‘Enter' that came in response. Erwin had been hunched over maps and papers and giant tomes on Titan biology, but when he caught a glimpse of the newcomer, he stood rapidly, banging his knee on the bottom of the tabletop.

“Levi–,”

"Wait. Just… let me get this out before one of us says something to fuck this up, all right?" Levi muttered. He walked into the room, seating himself in the chair in front of Erwin's. He could feel the Commander's gaze on his stomach. "My eyes are up here."

Grey met blue. Levi sighed and leaned forward on his elbows. "Here's the deal. I talked to Kirschtein nee Jäger a little while ago, and the kid made sense for once. He told me we had a chance, you and I. That this marriage, this child, could be a result of teamwork, of camaraderie. He said that we inspired trainees to work harder because of the way we used to be."

"And it's true." He leaned back in the chair. "I remember a time when you didn't have to tell me what I had to do; I understood everything you had in mind just by looking at you. And you used to  _get_  me, Erwin. Those were the days.”

“You and I were never made for marriage. But I am tired of fighting. I don’t think I can, not anymore. This child is taxing me, and I know it’s wearing you out too. So, please accept my apology. I didn’t mean to accuse of not caring. Of being… like the people I had encountered previously in my life. And if… if you think that we can do it, this  _thing_  we have, if you believe that we have a snowball's chance, then I ask you to consider… sharing your quarters with me once again. Don't think that I'm okay with this; I am not. But... We have a story behind us. It cannot end yet. Not like this."

Silence sat in the air heavily. Levi's eyes never left Erwin's. He knew that this was an opportunity of a lifetime; that if Erwin were to reject him now, he would never be able to fix what had transpired between the two of them. Finally, Erwin glanced down at his desk. Levi drew a shaky breath.

"I never meant to call you… that," the Commander murmured, fists clenched on top of his maps.

“I have been called worse.” 

“No, it’s different with me, isn’t it?” 

"It is," Levi agreed in a whisper. "It's very different with you. Because you never cheapened me, even though I was cheap, to begin with."

"No. If I am to stop thinking about you like this, then you should as well. Your past is your business, nobody else's," Erwin said. He finally looked at Levi, his expression almost blank, if not for the slight twist to his mouth that looked almost anguished. "But your future… is my privilege."

Levi took a moment before nodding. “As yours is mine. I don’t want to start over.” 

“No.” 

“We have too much good in our past to just throw it away.” 

“I agree.” 

"It is for our past that I decided to marry you in the first place."

“Yes.” 

“But I want us to try again. Sina, I must be damn nuts, but I want us to try this again,” Levi said with a small hysterical laugh. He looked down at his knees. “Our child will never be happy unless you and I work the way we used to.” 

“And does the child’s happiness matter?” Erwin asked, eyes guarded. Levi nodded, leaning even closer towards him. 

"Somehow, it does. Don't get me wrong; I would never want to be pregnant with it, but… the way Eren talked about his kid, it made me realize something. It's a contract between the two of us, but it also something else. It's life. You and I have created life. And as shitty as that life going to be, we are responsible. And I don't want to go down in history as a failure."

“Neither do I.” 

“We both know we work best together.” 

“So, what do you propose?” 

“A partnership.”

“A partnership?”

“I am your… your  _wife_ and I will continue being your wife until the Decree is dissolved or either of us dies. And I will do the job. I will carry this child, I will take care of it, and I will attempt to be a good parent when the time comes. And I will, as I promised you on our wedding day, I will help you achieve your goals. I do not wish to go back on my promises. So I will... I will work on this with you. Through thick and thin. As your spouse and as your friend." 

Erwin regarded him for a long moment. Levi's chest clenched uncomfortably, and for a moment he felt like he had fucked up.  _He's not… he doesn't want this. This is a setback; it's humanity in his inhuman plan, it's…_

“I agree.” 

“Really?” 

"I will support you throughout this entire journey and beyond, Levi. Our vows were not born out of love, but I cannot pretend that there was nothing between us. I… I regret the things I said. You are nothing like a… like what your job used to be. You are brave. And strong. Humanity's Strongest, in fact. And… It would be an honor to stand beside you and our child," the Commander replied. He stood, walking around the table, and offered Levi a hand. The former Corporal grasped it tightly, drawing himself up. The two of them looked at each other, their bonded arms still clasped.

“Thank you for this chance,” Erwin said, his eyes searching Levi's face.

“Thank you for deserving it.” 

“Will you return home?” 

“Only if you stop hogging the blanket.” 

The rooms rang with the first genuine laugh it had heard in months. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a bit rushed, but it is far from over! Erwin and Levi will have plenty more chances to screw up. :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, guys. Sorry for the wait, college has started again, so I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off. 
> 
> I know some of you didn't like the previous chapter, what with Eren Ex Machina and all, but I have always wanted Eren to play a role in Erwin and Levi's relationship. The two don't realize what an inspiration they are to their fellow soldiers, and it was important for Eren to be the one to say it. After all, he has the most mixed feelings about being both a Titan and a human being. 
> 
> Anyways, here you go, some Eruri honesty below. Beware, there will be feels. Un-betaed.

As they fell back into their routine uneasily, Levi slowly began to realize that this was how things would remain until they found a way out. Hope for this, however, was diminishing quickly, as he was now several months along, and the safe term for aborting the child had long passed. The thought did not bring him as much anguish as it did unease. After all, who was he to kill something Erwin and him both had had a hand (and other unmentionable body parts) in creating? He had come to terms with the fact that the brat was  _theirs_ , absolutely and irrevocably so, which meant that their shoulders would soon hold the responsibility of parenthood – not that they weren’t already sort of like parents to the entire Survey Corps. 

One night, a couple of weeks after their uneasy truce, Levi found himself lying in bed with Erwin sifting through his paperwork next to him. The older man had taken to doing work while Levi unwound after a long day, and though Levi did not approve of taking work to bed, he allowed Erwin his little liberties. Every time he opened his mouth to complain, he would remind himself of the repercussions the last time he had brought about. So he kept it to himself. After all, there was no point in arguing over something as trivial as this.

Erwin laid aside the papers, looking to Levi. His spouse now slept on his side mostly, as the growing stomach caused difficulties otherwise. The Commander’s gaze slipped to said stomach, whose outlines were visible despite the oversized shirt Levi wore to sleep. 

“How are you feeling?” 

"It hasn't moved yet if that's what your asking," Levi replied quietly. Erwin had been asking him about it for several days now, and every time Levi had felt guilty for giving a negative response. It was high time for the baby to start claiming its existence, and yet the former Corporal had felt nothing. He would not admit to himself that he was beginning to worry – Erwin did enough of that on his own.

“I am asking how  _you_  are feeling,” Erwin emphasized, drawing a look of surprise from his bonded. “I know you will tell me when the baby starts moving.” 

Levi hummed. “I’m fine. Except for, you know, running to the bathroom every other second, and not being able to fit into any of my old clothing, I’m peachy.” 

Erwin gave him a frown in response. “I’m sorry.” 

“Nothing to be sorry for. We discussed this,” Levi said shortly. Erwin sighed in resignation and reached for the top paper on his bedside table. 

"I was waiting for the right moment to give you this, but since there seems to be no right time for the two of us, you might as well have it."

Levi reached for the paper, his chest tight. When Erwin put it that way, it was as if they had never had a good second in their lives. Perhaps that was true, but part of Levi lamented their shared past, as their shared present seemed like complete drudgery. Those old days had been what had made them, as Commander and Corporal. It was like Eren had told him, out there, beyond the Walls, they had been unstoppable. That was the only thing they could ground their relationship on, and Levi would be damned if he allowed the recent events to erase it. 

His eyes dropped down to read what was written on the paper, widening as he realized what it was. 

“Erwin, this…” 

"A confidential report filed to the heads of all the regiments regarding the detainment and arrest of a dangerous criminal. An anonymous source apparently tipped the Military Police off, saying he had material that evidenced the preparation of a coup d'etat in his possession. A quick search through his personal effects confirmed the fact," Erwin said, expression guarded as he awaited Levi's reaction. The younger man kept staring at the paper, vision blurry. He let go of the missive, allowing it to fall onto the sheet, and only looked at Erwin's side, teeth digging into his bottom lip.

“Levi, I–,” 

“Thank you.” 

“Sorry, what?” 

“Thank you,” Levi repeated, finally allowing himself to lift his face and look at his husband properly. Eyes red, he shifted to sit sideways awkwardly so that they were level. “Thank you.” 

“I… I thought it would be a way to…  _rectify_  what happened at the ball, just a little bit,” said Erwin. “I don’t expect you to forgive me entirely, of course.” 

"Of course not," Levi murmured, his eyes fixed on Erwin's. He dabbed at the corners with his fingers in frustration.  _Damn hormones._  “An anonymous tip?” 

“Entirely.” 

“I see.” Levi nodded. “Well, that person should know that… that while I am still  _very pissed off_  about this whole… situation of ours… they just lifted one hell of a burden off my shoulders.” 

"I'll be sure to pass it on," Erwin replied quietly, his own eyes suspiciously itchy. He took the paper back, settling it onto the pile on top of the bedside table and blew out the candle. He heard Levi sink back down the bed, shuffling around as he tugged the blanket towards himself. The Commander lay down as well, his back resting against Levi's as the latter curled up. Whether he was just comfortable that way, or whether he was unconsciously shielding his stomach, Erwin didn't know, but it didn't matter much. He waited in silence for sleep to come to him, when his spouse's voice broke the silence once more.

“I’m sorry for what I said. You’re not like him. You’re not like any of them.” The words were barely above a whisper. Erwin squeezed his eyes shut to see stars. 

“Thank you for saying it. I don’t think I am, though.”

“Don’t… is that why you reacted the way you did when I accused you of… taking advantage of me?” Levi asked tentatively, his entire body tense. Erwin had to clear his throat as it tightened around the admission. 

“You know I proud myself on my honor. Believe me when I say I never intended for you to feel this way.” 

“I believe you.” 

“Can I ask you for a favor, Levi?” 

Erwin felt Levi nod beside him. He drew a breath as he tried to steady himself, his lungs heavy as lead with the suffocating honesty that he was about to show. Both him and Levi hated being exposed like this, but this had to be said, for both their sakes. 

“Can… can we love this child?” 

Levi took a moment before answering. “I don’t… I don’t know.” 

"Can we at least tell them we love them?" Erwin asked immediately. Levi bit his lip hard, feeling the soft flesh break beneath his teeth finally. He hated being asked for favors he couldn't provide. Especially ones coming from his Commander.

“You want me to lie?” Levi asked, finally allowing the dam to break as tears slid down his face. His gaze, impeded by the darkened room, landed on his bracelet, and he felt a desperate wish to get it off. Cut off his own arm if he had to. Then do the same to Erwin. Neither of them deserved this. 

“What if it stops being a lie?” 

“What if it never does?” 

“I understand.” 

“Do you? Do you understand how  _hard_  it is to wake up every morning, acting as life support for something you hate? Something that took away what you've worked for since the moment you were reborn like I was? Something that actually made your life meaningful?" Levi asked, his breath hitching as he allowed himself to cry. He didn't care if Erwin heard the tears in his voice, as long as he didn't see them. As long as he didn't try to wipe them away with those gentle fucking hands of his, the very hands that had closed around Levi's wrists like shackles and pressed him against the mirror, exposing what the former Corporal truly was to himself.

“I will not say that this is meaningful too.” 

"Good. Because then I'd have to punch you, and it's tough to do so in my state."

“Do you really hate it so much?” 

"I…" Levi stopped, his hand going down to his stomach. He touched the distended skin lightly. He searched desperately for that warmth or at least the dreadful iciness of hatred that would ignite his very senses. "I don't. I am not feeling what I should be feeling."

“How do you know?” 

“What?” 

"How do you know what you're supposed to feel, Levi? Parenthood doesn't have a guidebook. Babies don't come with manuals and regulations." Levi could hear the seriousness in Erwin's voice. He sighed, allowing his hand to drop back to the sheet, his chest heaving with silent sobs. Erwin kept his distance. Levi did not accept comfort very well, as it would be an acknowledgment of weakness.

“I feel nothing for this child,” Erwin’s bonded said flatly. 

Erwin didn’t reply for the longest time. 

“Do you feel anything for me?” 

Levi shuddered, drawing a shaky breath. Why did Erwin have to do this? Sure, married couples had honest conversations in bed, but they were not the standard married couple by far. They were… He had no idea what they were actually, but they had not signed up to talk about their bloody feelings. 

“I feel gratitude.” 

“That’s it?” 

“Friendly affection, though that’s dampened by the recent developments.” 

“Anything else?” 

“Respect for you, as a leader and as a human being.” 

“What else, Levi?” 

“What do you want me to say?” Levi asked bitterly, turning over with difficulty to face Erwin through the darkness. He didn’t actually see the man’s face, but he could picture it in his mind, clear as day. “Do you want me to say that I have become madly, passionately in love with you?”

“Of course not.” Erwin’s voice sounded strangely distant. “I know you’re not… we are not like that.” 

"Then what?" Levi said as he wiped his face messily with his hand. "As ironic as it is, my life is worth nothing without yours. I would die without you – quite honestly, in fact, by execution or by a violent death. You saved me. That much is also true. All of this sounds like a morbid love confession, doesn't it? But it's not. It is what it is."

“What exactly is it, then? What are we, Levi?” 

“We’re married.” 

“I thought–,”

"Erwin, you are my best friend. My only friend. You were my mentor at one point after you acted as my savior and my advocate. I am afraid that I have turned you into my enemy because as much as I resent this, I know you dislike it as well. I know you resent  _me_ ,” Levi said, his biggest fear bubbling to the surface like disgusting, slimy mud. 

"I would never resent you."

Erwin shifted down. His hand groped in the darkness, and Levi baited his breath as he offered Erwin what he was seeking – his own hand. The Commander's fingers interlaced with his, he blinked as the faint outline of Erwin's face appeared in the dark. The man looked at Levi, jaw set, eyes halfway open. "You have my utmost respect. Please believe me. I never thought of you the way… the way I called you."

 

“I know. You said that before.” 

"I would never… treat you like that again. That was… a momentary lapse of anger and I feel awful about how it turned out."

“What about how  _I_  feel?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“What about how I felt when my only friend, the man who saved me from the Underground, just… slapped me in the face with it.” 

“I’m sorry if it felt that way. That was not my intention.” 

“I know I should believe you. It’s just… hard. Betrayal is something I’ve lived with my whole life.” 

“Well, now you live with  _me_.” Erwin’s voice was serious and steady. Levi looked at him and then, tentatively, lightly, as if he were doing it to a little bird, squeezed the hand that had settled into his. 

“I suppose that is as good as I will get.” 

“Are you settling for me, then?” 

“Can one settle for something they do not deserve?” 

“You deserve much better than this.” 

“Perhaps. But I have this. And I have what we used to be. I suppose that’s good enough.” 

“I guess I can settle for this, as well, then.” 

They lay in silence, fingers still interlaced. Slowly, Erwin withdrew his hand and laid back against his pillow. Levi did the same, turning over to the other side. That moment of intimacy had been strange for both of them. To Levi, who had always regarded sex as an estranged activity, the simple act of holding hands with someone in bed was… weirdly personal. 

“Thank you, Erwin. For the… for what the anonymous tip did.” Levi sighed heavily. “It means a lot.” 

“Sleep now, Levi. Kenny Ackerman cannot touch you anymore.” 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you guys to death, so please don't kill me!

“You are not going. We talked about this.” 

“I know we did. And I am staying here. As I promised.” 

"Really?" Erwin raised a skeptical eyebrow as he looked down at his bonded. Levi stood in front of him, clad in his oversized shirt, which, despite the fact that it almost engulfed him around the shoulders, was quite tight around the middle, and Erwin's old white cotton pants which had been re-sewn to accommodate his belly. It was the day of the new mission – a brief one, this time, a simple back-and-forth reconnaissance deal that did not involve many of the Survey Corps' squads. Good riddance, too, as neither Levi (still Humanity's Strongest, whatever  _anyone_  said) nor Eren (still Humanity's Hope who had taken to waddling his way around the headquarters funnily) was able to join, for obvious reasons. Levi could barely get on a horse these days – not that Erwin ever let him do something as  _catastrophically dangerous_  as that. Most of the time, he spent reading in the library. He had never been a very passionate reader, given the fact that the first time he had even considered learning the alphabet had been after Erwin had rescued him from his predicament in that alleyway. He had never had the time, either; now, however, he had all the time in the world. He also thought it would be a good idea to become apt at reading and writing just to be able to teach the future child to do it as well. Whatever the reason, Erwin had been happy to provide Levi with all the books in his personal collection, and when the former Corporal had sped his way through those, he had given his bonded the key to the library – so that Levi could enter at any hour of the day and pick up whatever he wanted. 

"Look, I may be stubborn, but I am not suicidal. I know that I'll probably get killed the second I set foot out there," Levi said grumpily. Even though he accepted the fact that he was no good as a soldier at this point, he was not happy. Fighting Titans had been his life. Now, his life consisted of running to the bathroom to pee all the time and pouring over old tomes filled with complex stories of the outside world. Naturally, the library was full of illegal materials, assimilated there over the years from contributions made by Hanji, Mike, several other Survey Corps higher-ups, and Erwin himself. A particular tome had caught Levi's attention on the very first day there –  _Family Relations_ , by T.T. Twist, a seemingly pseudo-scientific book on how to handle recalcitrant brats and annoying husbands. The book had clearly been written for women. However, Levi had found it enormously fascinating and kept referring back to it on an almost-daily basis.

Not that their  _family relations_  needed fixing much – both had come to terms with the fact that things were the way they were, with Levi grudgingly accepting impending childbirth and Erwin reducing his doting to a bare minimum for the sake of both their sanities. Levi was becoming more aware of the child; from time to time, he would feel something, a small push from within his stomach that he was quite sure had nothing to do with his digestive system. Erwin had been strangely overjoyed when Levi had told him the kid had moved, and now insisted on running his hands all over Levi's distended stomach to feel the child kicking. Either the kid took after Levi in his pissiness, or it just suddenly got tired (Levi wanted to be inclined towards the former), but whenever Erwin approached his spouse's stomach with his humongous paws, it went still, leaving the father-to-be disappointed. In a way, Levi was happy that happened, if only because he was becoming protective of the baby, in a weird, purely instinctual manner. After all, he was the one who sacrificed his health, his good mood (if any) and his time to act as an incubator for Erwin's spawn. It was only fair that the kid responded better to him than even his… donor.

“I am glad we see eye-to-eye,” Erwin responded before placing a small kiss on Levi’s forehead, a tiny, mechanical thing, and hopping onto his horse with ease Levi now envied. The Commander gave his bonded a last glance before turning around to announce the beginning of the mission. As the riders filed out of the gates, Levi was left standing alone in the courtyard, feeling strangely alone and pointless. He turned to go back to their quarters, only to see Eren stand propped up against the entranceway, his eyes wide and wet. With a sigh, he approached the young man. 

“You’re getting huge, Jäger.” 

Eren blanked at the use of his old name before giving Levi an uneasy smile. “Nobody’s called me that for months, Corporal.” 

“Same,” Levi breathed. He pointed to Eren’s stomach. “Is yours moving?” 

“Feels like he knows the jig already,” Eren replied with a chuckle, his hands going to cup the bulge. “Keeps me up all night.” 

“ _He?_  How do you know?” Levi asked, eyebrows raised. He had never even considered his child as being male or female. It was just a sexless  _baby_  at this point. 

“I don’t, not really. I just have this feeling that it’s a boy,” Eren replied with a shrug. Levi decided not to push for explanations. The two stood in comfortable silence as the wind rolled around twigs and fluff left behind by the horses. “Are you worried about him?” 

“Who?” 

“Commander Smith,” Eren replied, eyeing Levi with caution. “You know it’s all right to be worried. I’m worried about Jean, too.” 

“I’m as worried as I would be about any other soldier,” Levi said curtly, attempting to suffocate the disgusting ache in his esophagus that felt like a stone had been dropped into his stomach and stopped halfway. 

“With all due respect, sir, that’s a lie.” 

"I know." Levi turned away from Eren. "However, I would urge you not to confuse the relationship you have with your husband with the one between Erwin and I. We are a convenient arrangement. The only reason why I worry about him more is that I owe him my life. Several times over. I am worried he will die before I can repay my debts."

“I’d think that carrying his child is payment enough.” 

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you?” Levi asked cooly. “Just… concentrate on delivering a happy, healthy kid, Eren. That’s all you can do. Then the government will get off you back.” 

“Will they? What if they want more?” Eren said, his eyes ablaze, as he dabbed at them with dirty fingers. Levi cringed. 

“Then we give them more.” 

“You can’t be serious.” 

“Eren, our hands are tied. Until that husband of mine comes up with a clever idea to get us out of this, we are stuck in a loop.”

“It’s not that I am adverse to having more–,” 

“Oh?” 

"Well, I always wanted a big family, especially after mom died in Shiganshina," Eren explained with a chuckle. "But I want to do it on my own terms when Jean and I are ready."

“You’d still do it with Jean?” 

“Wouldn’t you still do it with Erwin?” 

"I am not selfish enough to think that bringing a child into this world is a good idea, Eren," Levi said gravely. "Because it's not. First, we kill the Titans, then we conduct business with the birds and the bees. That's the deal. That  _was_  the deal when I joined.” 

“But don’t you think that it’s important, having a family?”

“I wouldn’t know.” Levi shrugged. “Never had one.” 

“Don’t you think that we are–,” 

“That you are my family? The Survey Corps? Please. We are companions. Friends because we are forced to unite against unfortunate circumstances.”

“B-But–,”

“Eren, don’t argue with me. I really don’t want to have to explain to your husband and mine why I punched your face.” 

“Fine.” Eren snapped his mouth shut. “But whether you like it or not, we all care about your wellbeing.” 

“Care all you want. Just don’t expect me to reciprocate.” 

“So is that reserved for the Commander only?” 

“Shut up.” Levi turned on his heel and left Eren standing in the courtyard, seething. He speed-walked down the stone corridors of the castle, muscles ablaze with anger. The kid had no idea how many problems Levi had with closure. He had no idea how hard Levi found it when people imposed their presence on him, their so-called ‘care,’ their so-called ‘love.’ Levi wouldn’t know love from any other emotion if he knew it, that much he was sure of. He didn’t care. He didn’t. 

He  _hadn’t_  cared.

Until, two days later, the mission returned with an unconscious Erwin slung over the back of his injured horse. Levi had not been there to see them enter through the gate, too busy making himself miserable in the library. He had been about to leave when Hanji, bloodied but thankfully unscathed, burst into the room, glasses hanging off the tip of her nose dangerously. As soon as Levi saw her face, he  _knew_. 

“Erwin,” was all he said before his legs sprung into action, leading him hurriedly to the hospital wing, as fast as he could go with that  _damn stomach_. He nearly threw the door off its hinges when he reached his goal, and then stood, frozen, in the doorway, his brain seemingly unable to compute what he was seeing. 

“Quick! Bring me more gauze!” 

“I need bandages over here!” 

“Where the  _fuck_  is the damn antiseptic?”

Erwin Smith, the 13th Commander of the Survey Corps, lay on top of his hospital cot, as the medics swiftly cut away his uniform from his upper body, exposing a battered, bruised chest and one arm. 

There was only one arm to expose. 

“Corporal Smith?” One of them turned to Levi, his voice barely above a whisper as he looked at the Commander’s spouse with concern. Finally, Levi forced his body to move, to enter the ward, and to sit on the stool next to Erwin’s beside. He stared at the empty space on Erwin’s right. 

"H-how did this happen?" He asked, his voice hoarse. It just… it didn't click in his mind. What was this? Who was this? Maybe this wasn't even Erwin. When he raised his gaze to look at the man's face, he saw that it was most definitely Erwin. Blonde, with a well-set jaw and large eyebrows. It was definitely him. "Where is his arm?"

The question was stupid, he knew, but it was somehow important. Levi reached for the arm only to find thin air. 

“A Titan has it. The Commander… got distracted saving a fellow soldier’s life. He carried out the mission, sir. Only when it ended did he lose consciousness. As expected of him,” a nameless Survey Corps recruit told Levi gingerly before turning back to his friend who lay bleeding on the neighboring cot. 

_A Titan. A fucking Titan. Always the fucking Titans._

“Corporal Smith?” Levi looked up at the medic with blind eyes. “You will have to move, sir, we need to cauterize the wound before he bleeds out completely. Luckily, the incident happened close to headquarters, but time is of the essence.” 

“Of course,” Levi said, standing up. “Is there–,” 

“One specialist in Sina who may help. Word is they have developed some pulley mechanism to resemble an arm’s. We will send a missive first thing in the morning.” 

"Thank you," the former Corporal murmured before moving out of the way. The medics rushed to Erwin's side, clouding him immediately. Levi cast a long glance at his husband at the door as he left. This was probably a dream. He would probably wake up in their bed, expecting Erwin to return from the mission the next day.

The next day, however, found him sitting in Erwin's individual ward, to which he'd been taken after the initial surgery had finished. He had shooed away the doting nurses and taken up the function of redressing Erwin's stump and cleaning off the rest of the blood that had crusted on his chest. He had changed Erwin mechanically, taking care not to cause the man pain. The medics had explained to him that the Commander's body was suffering the after-effects of shock, as resulting from the agony he must have felt as he had struggled to finish the mission while bleeding out. Levi had said nothing, only listened wordlessly, as the nurse showed him how to dress the wound properly.

“You’re a fucking asshole,” Levi told Erwin once he was done. “And an inept one at that. Getting old, are we? To have your arm bitten off during a routine mission? Not that I’m one to complain, of course, I remember how I hit my head that time in the forest…” 

_That seems like centuries ago._

"Can't fucking believe this," Levi continued. "Not only do I have to carry your spawn inside myself for months, but now I will also have to carry it on my shoulders because its fucking daddy can't handle himself without me out there."

“Yes, that’s right,” Levi told his unconscious husband assertively. “If I had been there, this wouldn’t have happened, and you know it. So maybe I’m stubborn and suicidal, but at least I still have both my arms.” 

He looked at Erwin’s impassive face, expecting to hear some sort of reaction. When none came, Levi sat back in his chair, a proud stiffness to his back. A moment passed. 

“At least I still have you,” he whispered, his hands going to cup the phantom limb sprouting from Erwin’s stump. Then he started crying.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be shameless action mixed with shameless fluff. You have been warned.

Levi felt fucking exhausted. Between running errands for the hospital wing – which he had insisted on, despite Hanji's initial protests (something something baby something something risk), taking care of an unconscious husband and Commander and serving as life support for an unborn child, he was rapidly becoming weary. Even though it felt liberating, as he finally had something to do – something that benefitted not only himself or Erwin but the entirety of the Survey Corps. After his last argument with Hanji, she had allowed him to participate in healing the patients – alas, his medical experience was practically nil, so he resorted to fetching bandages and changing bedpans. His squeamishness did get in the way at times. However, he reminded himself that it was good practice for the near future: babies were not particularly well-known for being born potty-trained.

When he wasn't helping the medics in the hospital, Levi was sitting at Erwin's bedside. From time to time, he changed the man's bandages. Sometimes he read aloud to him from the  _Family Relations_  book with added comments of his own. He noticed that Erwin's wound seeped blood and lymph less and less, which was supposedly a good sign, but he couldn't help but feel his chest tighten every time he stepped through the door and cast a glance at his husband. Though he had never been vain, Erwin had regarded his appearance as important – after all, he was the public face of the Survey Corps, a name everyone tossed around on their tongues whenever they mentioned successful missions and immense human losses. Before they had married, Erwin had been the one to attend lavish parties in the capital and dance with the wives of high-standing officials, all the while schmoozing and impressing the financial suppliers of the regiment. Waltzing with one arm, Levi imagined, would be awkward.

He sat with Erwin day and night, and finally, Hanji ordered a new cot to be brought into the room, so that the former Corporal would at least have some amount of rest before throwing himself back into his work. Levi really didn't know what Erwin had done to merit such attention on his part, but it felt very wrong to leave him here all alone while the Survey Corps struggled to recover from the losses. As some of the survivors had told him, the mission had gone awry as they had been heading back to the castle. Apparently, a group of Abnormals had appeared out of nowhere, sabotaging Erwin's carefully laid out formation and causing chaos to reign free within the ranks. Even though losses had been minimal, it was still difficult to see how such a routine mission could have gone so terribly wrong. And how an accomplished soldier such as Erwin Smith had managed to get himself so injured.

A week had passed since the Survey Corps had returned, and Erwin was yet to open his eyes. Hanji had been force-feeding him through a tube she had inserted into his stomach through his nose – Levi had turned away pointedly during the process, – and she kept on telling Levi that Erwin was in great shape, except her eyes got duller and duller with each day that she said it. Levi, not an optimist by birth, knew what that meant. Erwin had to either wake up soon or fuck off and die. 

And he wasn’t particularly partial to the latter option. 

Which was why he read to Erwin, having been told by Arlert – a questionable source, his rational mind had argued, – that the unconscious could still hear voices and maybe even recognize them. He told Erwin how much of an asshole he was on a daily basis, practicing his best insults on the lifeless man. When he got tired of reading – some of the words in the book were too fancy for his upbringing, – he would talk to Erwin about his life in the Underground, the way he had ended up in that fateful alley all those years ago. He had even told the Commander why he had fled the first time after he'd been rescued. It hadn't been because he was ungrateful, but because he had realized that to continue living well, he would have to step up his game. So he had stolen a set of Maneuver Gear and applied what he had observed while he had been healing in the castle. After several thousand bruises and ripped tendons, he had come up with his own way of holding the blades to minimize air resistance. And he had stuck with this new style ever since, even after Erwin had recaptured him and forced him to join the Survey Corps through blackmail.

“You know, you could at least have the decency to stop worrying Hanji,” Levi told Erwin one sunny afternoon as he snapped the book shut. “The poor thing’s gonna start camping out here soon, and there’s only enough room for one person here, and I am not going to be the one to leave.” 

“I wonder,” he said, leaning on his elbows as he rested them on the side of Erwin’s mattress. “I wonder if you can hear me. You’re probably laughing your fucking ass off right now, seeing how much of a perfectly doting wife I’ve become. Whatever. Asshole. You better treat me twice as good when I’m in the hospital wing suffering from the throes of childbirth.” 

He chuckled at his own joke and reached to straighten Erwin’s blanket when a terrible roar tore through the castle grounds, nearly blowing out the glass in the windows. Instinctively, Levi ducked under the bed, arms curled around his stomach as he kneeled on the floor, panting.  _What the fuck was that?_  The roar seemed to have been singular, so he stood shakily, dipping his weight on Erwin’s mattress, and glanced out the window to see his worst nightmare come true. 

“Levi!” Hanji burst through the door, eyes wide with horror. “The Titans are approaching the castle! One of them broke through! I don’t understand, they have left this place alone of years and–,” 

“Fuck logic with the Titans, Hanji!” Levi yelled. “What the hell are we doing about this?” 

“We dispatched an emergency team, but so far, because it was so unexpected, we’re suffering losses–,” 

“I’m going.” 

“Are you out of your  _mind_?” Hanji roared at him. “You can’t–,” 

“Quit telling me what I can or cannot do. Tell me this: is it theoretically safe for the fetus?” 

“We don’t know, Levi, this is–,” 

“Is. It.  _Theoretically._  Safe?” Levi repeated. “Don’t lie to me.” 

“As long as you don’t strain… But you will! I know you will, Levi. Erwin will have my head–,” 

"Well, Erwin's enjoying a lovely holiday in dreamland,  _has been_  for a week now, so he’s not in charge here,” Levi said decisively. “Get Jäger to come in here and sit with him while I’m gone. Are we clear?” 

“Levi, you can’t expect me to–,” 

“I can and I will.” Levi stood, heading for the door. “There better be some spare equipment left.” 

"Levi!" Hanji caught his sleeve before he was able to go. She looked at him; a man possessed with the idea of his past, the past that was the only thing he was proud of. Her fingers slipped, together with the words that fell unbidden from her lips as she watched him tear down the corridor with the determination and speed of someone who was young and free.

_“Be careful.”_

Levi managed to find some straps in the stables, and adjust them to fit his body. Thankfully, none of the equipment put much pressure on his stomach, so he was locked and ready within minutes. He could feel the earth shake under huge feet of the Titans, and as he ran out, his half-improvised uniform ready, he spotted Jean Kirschtein throwing himself in the way of three eight-meter class monsters. He turned around wildly, trying to find a spare gas tank. Armin Arlert sat in an alcove, attempting to fill up his own with fumbling fingers, and Levi flew to him, grabbed the tank from his hands, pushed the young man away from the fill-up station, locked and loaded with practice ease, and attached it to his own belt before Arlert could utter a single word. The blond boy stared at him, mouth gaping, as Levi released the triggers on his grapplings and soared up to the top of the closest tower, standing at the eye level of one of the approaching Titans.

 _Fuck, he’d missed this_. This was the freedom of being alive. The freedom of having wings to fly. The air rushing through his matted hair, dirty from having been stuck inside with Erwin for so many days, the swooping feeling in his chest, all of that was something he would never be able to forget nor recall accurately. He saw his fellow soldiers freeze, staring at him, wide-eyed, as he soared through the air, one hand curled protectively around his middle, the other fingering the triggers on the grappling mechanism. It was quite inconvenient, fighting like this, but he imagined what it would be like for Erwin once he would have woken up.  _One arm is all you need, really,_  he thought to himself.  _Erwin will be up to speed in no time._

"What the hell do you think you're doing, numbskulls? We have Titans to kill!" He roared, and for a moment, there was silence, until a triumphant yell tore off the lips of the Survey Corps soldiers, and the battle resumed with double the vigor. Meanwhile, Levi had taken down his first Titan, its flesh slicing open easily underneath the sharp edged of his blades, a satisfying wet noise escaping the incision before the Titan toppled to the ground like a rag doll. Another one approached Levi from behind, and he entered his trademark spin, slightly slower than usual due to the change in weight and balance, but he still managed to get the Titan down.

Battle went on and on until the Titans ceased to approach the castle, it would seem their numbers were limited after all – until only one was left, one with its gargantuan fingers pinched over the grappling rope of Jean Kirschtein's equipment. Without thinking, Levi swooped over, blades exposed, and cut off the monster's thumb, making it drop Kirschtein. The former corporal flew to follow him, catching Jean's wrist before he fell to his death.

“No can do, Kirschtein. I won’t have your husband throwing tantrums just because you want an easy way out!”

“Thanks, Corporal!” The younger man yelled at him, a worn-out smile playing on his face briefly before it transformed into a look of horror.  _Never turn your back to the enemy._  Levi made sure that Jean had grappled onto a nearby tower safely and spun round only to see a huge hand approach him rapidly. Without thinking, he anchored himself in the Titan's palm. One, two, three, with practiced ease he pulled out of muscle memory as he went, he ended up standing on the Titan's shoulder.

“ _Fuck you. You better not be the one that still has Erwin’s arm inside it,_ " he spat at the giant before embedding his blades in the nape of its neck. It swayed almost comically beneath his feet and crashed to the ground with a dull thud.

The soldiers stood, motionless, looking at the swiftly decaying corpse. Kirschtein panted, eyes wide, as he dragged an injured leg along the paving of the courtyard. 

Levi descended onto the ground safely, slightly out of breath but surprisingly uninjured. A silent pause overtook the entire castle grounds, before a victorious roar of  _LEVI!_  was carried through the wind as his companions, his comrades-in-arms approached him and tossed him up into the air, arms supporting a ruffled yet victorious Corporal. Levi couldn't help but smile along with them.

This was where he belonged. 

Tired, worn-out and feeling absolutely fantastic, he managed to detach himself from his former subordinates finally and made his way back to Erwin's ward. He entered the room, leaning heavily on his blade that he'd made into a makeshift cane of sorts.

“Corporal?” 

He looked to see Eren’s wide eyes assessing the blood on the front of his shirt.  _Gross_. 

“Not mine,” he said to the younger man and slowly detached his equipment, throwing it all down into a pile. “The castle’s safe.”

“I figured.” Eren heaved a sigh as he turned to look at the ever-motionless Commander. “He’s been… quiet.” 

“Really.” Levi lifted a sarcastic eyebrow. “Fucking asshole… Not even the sound of Titans coming to eat us alive can wake him when he wants to sleep.” 

“He wasn’t–,” 

“It was a joke, Eren.” Levi sat on the edge of Erwin’s bed and ran his fingers over his husband’s blond fringe. He leaned down to look at him closer, trying to find some sort of sign that Erwin was waking up. Not a single movement of his facial muscles, not a single flutter of his eyelids. 

"You should go back to your husband," Levi muttered to Eren without taking his eyes off the Commander. "Nearly got himself killed, that one."

“Oh. Is he all right?” 

“Right as rain. Just a bit rattled, though he probably will never admit it,” Levi replied with a shrug. Eren let out an uneasy chuckle and excused himself hurriedly, vying to see Jean safe and sound. As the door closed behind him, Levi turned back to Erwin. 

“You are horrible at this. Really.” 

“Convinced Eren,” the Commander groaned, his eyes finally opening to show Levi the crystal blue he’d been secretly dying to see for a week now. His brow immediately creased when he saw the state of Levi’s clothing. “What’s that about you going off after Titans?” 

“Call it a personal vendetta of sorts.” 

“Really?” Erwin asked before turning to look at his stump of an arm. “Oh.” 

“Yes,  _oh_. What are we going to do about this? My kid won’t have a mangled old man for a father, I’ll have you know,” Levi crossed his arms in front of his chest. A small laugh escaped Erwin’s lips before Levi found himself drawn to the Commander’s broad chest with his left arm.  _Still strong as hell_ , Levi thought as he relaxed into the grasp. He inhaled Erwin’s scent – which wasn’t really Erwin’s, as he smelt mostly of antiseptic and unwashed hair, but it was enough for him to know that Erwin was finally awake. “Trust you to make a dramatic entrance.” 

“I learned from the best.” Erwin paused, his hand resting on the nape of Levi’s neck. “Is there any point in telling you never to do such dangerous things again?” 

“The kid’s fine. It’s happy you’re alive too, I think.” 

“How do you know?” 

“Kicking like crazy.” 

“Do you think it will allow me to know it’s happy?” 

As Erwin slackened his hold, Levi drew back to reveal his stomach from underneath his shirt. Slowly, as if he were still contemplating whether this was a good idea, Erwin touched his left hand to the bulge gingerly. In a split second, his eyes lit up with wonder.

“I can feel it.” 

“So can I, believe it or not.” 

“My child and I are having a moment here. A family reunion.” 

“ _Your_  child?” 

“Didn’t you emphasize the point many times before?” 

“It may be  _your_  spawn, but it’s definitely  _my_  child as well. You should have felt it kick when I flew.” 

“I told you that you would fly again. Child or no child.” 

“Shut up.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the amazing comments and kudos, my lovelies. Have another!
> 
> Unbeta-ed.

Mikolas Kirschtein was born a week after that. Eren had been in the hospital ever since the defense of the castle, as Hanji had insisted that it was too dangerous to keep him on his feet due to the unusual nature of his pregnancy. Though he had protested initially, Eren had been easily swayed by the most basic argument in the entire universe – that it was what was best for the baby. Upon hearing that, he'd rapidly agreed to any kind of accommodation arrangements the medics would bestow upon him. Levi had to hand it to Eren – he himself would have already cracked under the doting and given hell to all of the self-imposing assholes who tried to tell him the best way to go about his pregnancy. Eren endured more-or-less stoically, however; on the other hand, Jean was becoming more and more restless as days went by. It got to the point when he'd even socked Armin in the face for no particular reason. Apparently, the blond boy had asked him to pass the salt at the dinner table at the wrong time. Levi then had taken up the job of settling the situation, going as far as dragging Jean out of the canteen to everyone's amusement and straight to Erwin's office. The older man was recovering quite well from the loss of his arm, and he had insisted on vacating the hospital room, "in case it was needed by someone else." Levi had protested initially, but knowing how stubborn Erwin was when he wanted to be, he'd let it go.

After a brief talking-to, Jean had gone back to being the same condescending asshole he usually was – except he now spent ninety percent of his time hovering over Eren’s hospital bed and offering unnecessary assistance. It was good, then, that the night when everyone had already gone to bed, he’d taken a trip down to the canteen to get some water for his bonded and himself and returned only to see a wet bed and a heaving Eren. 

The entire castle was woken up by one sole man, which was pretty impressive, Levi thought, as he and Erwin made their way down to the hospital in the most dignified way possible, seeing as they were still in their nightclothes. Erwin had graciously allowed Levi to borrow a pair of pants, huge cotton pants that had been part of a set, yet the shirt had been worn and torn, and the pants had been left behind. Taking care not to trip over, as the pants were clearly too long for his small form, Levi walked down the corridor as brusquely as he could, Erwin following closely behind. They hadn't been invited to the birth formally, however, seeing as a similar fate awaited Levi within several short weeks, he had deemed it necessary to witness the process for himself. With Erwin at his elbow, he stood watching Eren's young face get older as it contracted in agony. It took forever. Jean sat by Eren's bedside the entire time, his bonded hand clasping Eren's tightly. Hanji flanked the boy on the other side, a notepad and pen at the ready to describe what she saw. The Corporal and his husband kept their distance, sitting at a doctor's table in the far corner of the room. From time to time, Erwin's eyes would flicker from Eren to Levi, an unmistakeable look of pity fixed in them.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Levi growled at the man. 

“It looks painful.” 

“Well, you’ve had your fucking arm bitten off, you’d know what pain is.”

“Levi–,”

“Look, would you stop being such an Arlert about it and just… if you don’t want to see this, then leave.”

“I would never.” Erwin actually looked affronted at the suggestion. “I need to know what it’s like to be able to–,” 

“Act like Jean when the time comes for me?” Levi cut him off sharply. “So that everyone can report to the brass how loving and wonderful our relationship is?” 

Erwin gave him a weary look. “You don’t think so?” 

Levi scoffed. “Please, old man. We are nothing like those two. Look at them. Look.” 

Erwin turned his head to look at Eren and Jean. The Titan shifter was panting on the bed, his face shining with sweat, small, defeated noises escaping his throat as he tried hard to contain the painful cries that threatened to burst out. Jean’s head was bowed, as if he were praying, his hand clasped tightly around Eren’s. It looked like Eren’s hand, white-knuckled and stiff with pain, was a lifeline, the only thing separating Jean from insanity. Levi regarded the two of them for a moment before turning away, finding it impossible to conceal his jealousy. 

He found Erwin’s blue-eyed gaze, a mockery to him. 

“You see how they cling to each other? How all that matters is Eren’s survival and that of their child? How Jean just…”

"…can not bear the thought of losing Eren?" Erwin asked seriously, his eyes traveling back to the couple. "One would think that sort of expression would be familiar to you."

“How do you mean?”

“I feel that way all the time.” 

"Bullshit. Bull-fucking-shit, Erwin," Levi said, his voice quiet but angry. He didn't want to cause a scene while Eren was giving birth but hell if he was going to allow Erwin to make fun of what Eren and Jean had. "We will never have what they have."

“Perhaps.” Erwin cocked his head to the side. Levi saw the stump of his arm twitch as if he were about to reach out with it. A sad smile passed the Commander’s face. “But even if ours is different, why is it any worse?” 

“Quit talking in poetry, Erwin. It doesn’t suit you,” Levi replied. “We’re not in love with each other.” 

“If this is what you like to think for yourself, then fine.” 

"What the fuck do you think you're saying?" The shorter man seethed, his eyes searching Erwin's, chest tight and pained as if his very lungs were suffocating him.

“I’m saying that you spent the entire time sitting by my bedside when I was…  _sick_. You defended my honor on many occasions, not only as a subordinate but as a spouse, as well. You showed me kindness and gave me chances when I allowed myself to go too far. You subjected yourself to the humiliation of being nothing more than an appendage to my political ambitions. What I feel for that, however, is nothing compared to what I feel for you."

A moment passed before Levi let out a shaky breath, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands.

“What the  _fuck_  do you think you’re saying?” Levi asked, his voice threatening to go off on a high note, fists clenched, and face cast down. “What the fuck are you saying, you bloody idiot?” 

“I am saying that I have not been entirely honest with you.” 

Another moment of silence before–,

“How long?”

“Levi–,”

“How. Long.” Levi looked up to look at his husband, his voice strangled and his vision strangely clouded. “How long have you felt like this?” 

"Since the moment when you joined me in battle instead of killing me," Erwin replied shortly, eyes ablaze. He reached out his left hand tentatively, and Levi recoiled in his seat. His mind was in turmoil. He couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, all he could do was stare at the man he had considered his enemy, his friend, the bane of his existence. It was then that he realized that Erwin really was everything to him. He had taken on every single aspect of Levi's life. He had given him a chance to live, an opportunity to fight, an opportunity to rectify the things he'd done during his time in the underground, he had given him a roof over his head and food on his plate, he had given him a fucking shirt to put on his back, and…

Levi’s hand dropped down to his stomach. 

Erwin had given him a family, whether he’d wanted to or not. 

“I don’t know what to say,” the former Corporal choked out quietly. This time, Erwin succeeded in reaching out and touching Levi’s chin to lift his face and make the shorter man look at him. Levi tried to avert his gaze, but it was hard to act rationally with Erwin’s fucking hand on his skin.  _How long has it been like this for me?_  He wondered to himself. He had admitted from day one that the way he chased after Erwin and listened to his every word was weird. That sitting by Erwin’s sickbed day and night was detrimental, yet he’d still done it. Not because he was forced to. Because he wanted to. The realization scared the shit out of him. 

“You don’t need to say anything, Levi. I know you don’t–,”

“Stop. Don’t presume what I do or do not feel.” 

Erwin's eyes lit up, and the openness the Commander was displaying momentarily shook Levi. Erwin was a very reserved man, austere in showing emotion and overall quite closed when it came to expressing his feelings. Yet there he was, sitting in a dark corner of the hospital wing, his entire body leaning towards Levi as if he were about to jump on top of him and claim what, by law, was his.

“You mean–,”

“Levi! Erwin! A little help!” 

The conversation was abandoned in a split-second as the two ran towards Hanji, who was struggling to keep a pained Eren steady on the bed. 

“What is it?” 

"Levi, I can't… He's bleeding, and it's not healing, damn it! I think he's too weak. I need bandages, antiseptic, and get me the big green bottle with painkillers from the cabinet. Erwin, hold him down!" Hanji told the two urgently. She let go of Eren's arm, and the Titan shifter immediately struggled to surge up. Jean attempted to get on top of him to pin him to the cot but Eren, in his agony, was too strong. Erwin rushed to help, settling his left arm over Eren's and putting his weight on it. The two men glanced at each other and then Erwin looked up to Levi, eyes wide and frightened. Levi took that moment to run for the medicine, his own stomach feeling quite chaotic as the kid inside him seemed to have recognized the stress its bearer was under.

"I'll have to cut it out, Eren, there's no other way," Hanji said softly, almost cooing, as he poured the medicine Levi had found down Eren's struggling throat. "Just relax, it'll be over soon. You can't… Your body is not developed enough for a natural birth. I should have known. I'm sorry."

Eren attempted to say something but the words were lost in another pained groan. 

"I need all of you to help me with this," Hanji said urgently to each one of them. Levi exhaled a shuddering breath as he moved to join her at the apex of Eren's thighs. It looked gruesome. Horrible. Blood. Blood everywhere and Eren couldn't stop it. Eren, with his insane healing powers, couldn't stop bleeding. Levi glanced up at Erwin and saw the absolute horror in his eyes. He knew he looked just as shaken.

What if Eren lost the baby? 

_What if I lost mine? I’m not even a Titan. I can’t heal like this. Erwin will be devastated. Erwin won’t want me. Erwin–,_

“Levi! Concentrate. I need you to stretch out the skin of his stomach so I can make an incision!” 

“Fuck, Hanji!” 

“Yes, you can curse at me later, just focus now, please!” 

It took three attempts to get the incision right. As Levi struggled to keep his hands steady, along with trying to stop the bleeding, he kept looking at Eren's face. He remembered seeing that face emerge from the Titan; he remembered beating that face to a pulp, he recalled yelling at that face to make a choice.

He didn’t remember caring so much for that face to live to see another day. 

An hour later, Eren was knocked out cold, with Jean sitting next to him, his hands folded around a tiny bundle wrapped up hurriedly in blankets and bandages. 

“I can’t… believe this,” he said, looking up to his Commander and former Corporal. His eyes were full of tears, full of joy, and full of fear of responsibility. Jean Kirschtein had a child. He had a real, living creature in his hands, a creature he had helped create and a creature he was responsible for. “What… what do I do?” 

Levi took a moment to steady himself as he wiped the sweat from his brow with bloodied hands. He sat down next to Jean and looked at the baby. It was, indeed, male, just like Eren had thought. Eren had been right. Perhaps there was still a chance for those two.

“Kids don’t come with manuals, Kirschtein. You will fuck up. Both of you. But that’s all right. Because this is much bigger than a couple of hiccups along the way,” he said, glancing down at the baby. It was an ugly little thing, wet and crying, its toothless mouth twisted into a grimace. The kid already hated this world. 

“I guess…” 

“We’ll leave you three alone,” Hanji interrupted, ushering Levi and Erwin towards the door. As they left, Jean called out after them. 

“Thank you, Corporal Ackerman!” 

Levi gave Erwin a pained glance. He knew they would have to work through a lot of bullshit, namely, their own feelings, but he couldn’t help but feel… almost hopeful.

“It’s Smith.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please drop a line at haganenoheichou.tumblr.com or here :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's gonna be fluffy as fuck. Enjoy!

“Oh, he’s so cute!” 

“I know, right? You can tell he’s going to have Eren’s adorable big eyes!” 

“Hey, my eyes are  _not_  adorable–,”

“And Jean’s hair, definitely Jean’s hair–,”

“…probably going to a bit troublesome, just like his parents–,”

“Hey!” 

Levi turned away from the swarm surrounding Eren's hospital bed and heaved a sigh. Hanji had kept visitation restricted for several days, to prevent Eren or the child contracting any sort of disease, and to allow both of them to rest after the difficult birth process.  _Who would give me time to rest?_  Levi thought testily. After their more than revealing conversation, Erwin and he had gone to bed without addressing their issues, and the silent tension between them was so palpable that it seemed even the Titans outside could feel it. Not that Levi was much of a talker, he enjoyed the slow torture of having his feelings repressed most of the time, but Erwin was usually insistent on  _communication_ , so it was indeed surprising that the man fell silent whenever Levi entered the room. The two slept in the same bed and ate at the same table, but the Titan in the room was so obvious that most of their comrades attempted to avoid their company for the sake of easing the awkwardness. It didn't help, of course.

The former Corporal had no idea where to go from where Erwin and he were now. On the one hand, Erwin had confessed his…  _feelings_  for him in the most explicit manner possible. On the other, Erwin had also lied. Levi had entered this arrangement with the sincere belief that neither of them held any sort of emotional attachment to each other that went beyond close friendship; yet, now he thought that it wasn't just Erwin who had lied. Perhaps he had been avoiding such thoughts about his Commander if only because he had thought anything more between them was out of the question. Now, though, he felt as if he had to make a choice. And he sucked at making decisions he wouldn't come to regret.

“Hey, Corporal!” 

Levi looked up from his studious examinations of the scratches on the wooden floor of the ward to see the crowd part and Eren wave at him to come closer. With a sigh, he pushed himself off the table he had been leaning against. 

“What is it, brat?” He asked. “And I’m not your Corporal anymore.” 

"Says who?" Eren teased, and Levi allowed him that since Hanji had been adamant on the new mother avoiding stress. "You'll always be our Corporal."

Levi felt his face heat up as several nods followed Eren’s words.  _Fuck_ ,  _don’t make me think about it more than I have to._  The rush he had felt when he’d gone off on his own to kill the Titans when they had invaded the castle had left a horrible, sucking void in his chest. He  _missed_  it; he  _missed_  being Corporal Levi, Humanity’s Strongest. Now he was Levi Smith, Humanity’s Most Pregnant. 

“What do you want, Kirschtein?” Levi asked, not really knowing which one of the two he was addressing. Eren and Jean had grown impossibly close, which posed a threat as the two were immature teenagers caught in a series of unfortunate events. They managed to navigate the dangers, however, and the entire Survey Corps was surprised by the small number of arguments they had had… At least, in public. 

“Would you like to hold him?” Eren offered, eyes wide and enthusiastic. 

Levi stopped in his tracks. He gulped. He looked around at the expectant faces of his comrades and felt a tiny droplet of sweat make its way down his temple.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Eren," he murmured.

“Nonsense!” Hanji appeared out of nowhere, carrying a tray laden with food, intended for Eren and the child. “Now, how will you know how to handle your own if you haven’t even held a baby in your entire lifetime?” 

That wasn’t true. Levi had once held a small child in his arms. An entire family had been killed by Titans and Levi had found him lying underneath the pillars of his former home. The kid had died as the roof had collapsed above him, and Levi had been the one to spot the small, bloodied body with its skull smashed in just… lying there. He hadn’t known what had made him do it, but he’d picked it up and cradled it in his arms until someone had called him over to continue the mission. He still remembered the one dull blue eye that had looked up at him, unseeing and never to see again. He had almost envied the kid back then. It would never get to see the horrors of their world. 

“I–,” 

"Come on, Levi," Hanji egged him on. His heart fluttering as if it were about to escape his chest, Levi walked up to Eren's cot and sat down on the stool next to it. He felt everyone's eyes on him as Eren carefully handed over the surprisingly heavy bundle. A second later, Levi was holding a living, breathing child in his arms. Mikolas was half-asleep, his drowsy azure eyes widening when he spotted an unfamiliar face looking down at him.

"He's heavy, Hanji, you shouldn't overfeed the kid, or he'll be as fat as Jean," Levi murmured, eliciting a huff of offense from the new father and several chuckles from the crowd. He looked down at the child and studied him intently. He was an ugly little thing, then again, he had been told that all babies looked like this in the beginning. Like a small bean, he thought idly. The skin was streaked with blood vessels that were so close to the surface, he could practically feel the weak pulse underneath his fingers, despite the heavy wrapping Hanji had done around the child. The eyes, unfocused and blue, stared up at him in wonder and he finally gave in.

“Hello, Mikolas,” he whispered. The kid gave him a toothless grin in response. 

"Is he supposed to do that?" Levi asked, not tearing his gaze away from the child's face. "It's too early for him to smile, isn't it? I read–,"

He promptly cut himself off, embarrassed about the admission. 

“Well, he grew in Eren’s belly faster than a normal child would. So I guess he’ll grow faster now, too,” Hanji said. 

“Maybe then he’ll be a genius, as opposed to his parents,” Levi replied with a smirk. He looked up at Eren and Jean, who’d taken no offense to his words. The two looked surprisingly fresh for a couple who’d just had their first baby.  _First and only, I hope,_  Levi thought to himself. “Congratulations, you too. Don’t screw him up.” 

“We’ll try not to,” Jean replied softly, his hand finding Eren’s on top of the covers. Levi’s chest clenched.

“Finally, I get to see the new member of our–,” 

Everyone turned to see Commander Erwin Smith stride into the ward, a genial smile on his face. His expression changed, however, as he froze upon seeing Levi with the baby in his arms. The two stared at each other wordlessly.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck, please don’t say anything, just don’t, I’m not ready for this conversation, I can’t…_  The thoughts were sporadic in Levi's head as he panicked under Erwin's blue gaze. Finally, the Commander seemed to come to life, and walked over to the cot, his eyes fixed on the baby in Levi's arms. A nervous chuckle traveled through the crowd in the ward.  _Wonderful, we’ll be dinner conversation,_  Levi thought to himself. 

“I see everyone’s gotten a chance to congratulate the new parents besides me,” Erwin said, finally looking away. Levi let out an imperceptible sigh of relief. “Excuse my tardiness, there was some paperwork to finish for the reports.” 

“Oh, don’t worry, sir, we understand,” Eren replied boldly. Levi’s eyebrows shot up. Though everyone in the room knew that their marriage had been fake in the beginning, he would have expected Eren to uphold some sort of etiquette when communicating with a senior officer. After all, Eren was Kirschtein’s  _wife_ , and therefore a submissive member of society. To speak for the both of them in front of all these people… was unthinkable. Not in Sina. Eren would have to be careful. The Corporal couldn't help but worry about the kid. He had enough on his plate as it was.

Nobody seemed to have noticed the slip, and Erwin let out a chuckle. “I swear, the reports are getting longer and longer each time. Now, may I have the honor of seeing the new member of the Kirschtein family?” 

“Ask Levi, he seems to be pretty attached to the kid,” Hanji joked. Levi contemplated homicide. 

Erwin’s eyes softened as he looked down at his bonded. 

“May I?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"Get him off my hands, he smells," was all Levi could manage to choke out before Mikolas was taken from him. Erwin seemed to know what he was doing as he cradled the child in the crook of his left elbow. It was fascinating how easily he'd maneuvered his way around his disability as if he never needed a right arm to hold a newborn in the first place. While everyone stared at the Commander in wonder, the women whispering among themselves and cooing at the a _dorable_  picture the two made, Levi clenched his fists in his lap. He had enjoyed holding the damn kid, and he couldn't deny it. He was already missing the warm weight of one Mikolas Kirschtein against his chest, and he felt like a complete girl for feeling this way. His hands went to his stomach, and he felt people's eyes on him.

“So, Levi, I guess you’re up next?” Hanji said, a slight nervous shudder in her voice. Levi looked up at Erwin and caught the blue gaze again, becoming momentarily entranced by it. 

"I guess so," he muttered. "The kid's eager to get out, that much I can feel."

Erwin’s eyes widened. Though Levi allowed him to touch his stomach and talk to it at random times, he’d never been particularly keen to share just how much kicking was going on inside. 

“Any day now,” Hanji said cheerfully. “Now, as bad as I feel about breaking up this cozy little setup, the mother and child need food and rest. So, all of you, get the hell out.” 

Not wanting to argue with Hanji (she was apparently the scariest when angry), the soldiers slowly trudged out of the room to make way towards the canteen for dinner. Erwin handed Mikolas over to Eren again and gave the new family a smile. "You seem happy."

“We are,” Jean replied, not a note of defensiveness in his voice.

 _Fuck, they really are happy,_  Levi thought, and the longing in his chest felt worse and worse with each breath he took. He glanced over at Erwin. 

"We'll leave you alone, then," Erwin whispered, not to disturb Mikolas with too many loud sounds, and gestured for Levi to pass in front of him as they went outside. The two walked down the corridor in silence; both lost in thought. As they stopped in front of the doors to their quarters, Levi realized they had ignored dinner.

“Dinner.” 

“Do you want me to go get something?” Erwin asked quietly. Levi shook his head. 

“I’ll get it. It’s my job,” Levi said firmly. Husband works. Wife gets food. 

“Levi, you should probably lie down, you’ve been on your feet the entire day–,”

“I’m fine.” 

“Let me do this for you.” 

"I said I'm fine, Erwin," Levi said and stormed down the corridor only to be stopped by a large hand on his shoulder.

“What is your problem, Levi?” 

_Where do I begin?_

“I don’t have a problem.” 

“Clearly, you do.” 

“It’s none of your business.” 

“You are my business, Levi, whether you like it or not.” As soon as the words were out of Erwin’s mouth, he realized that it had been the wrong thing to say. 

“That’s just it, isn’t it? Whether I like it or not,” Levi replied. “And then again, if I’m your business, then how come we haven’t spoken three words to each other since Mikolas was born?” 

“I… I was busy–,”

“Bull _shit_ , Erwin. We live together. I know how much work you have. So do me a favor and be honest with me for a change.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“I am saying you lie all the time. You lie to avoid responsibility.” 

“Not by choice,” Erwin said firmly. 

“Oh, so it slipped your mind to tell me that you were fucking  _in love with me_  when we got married?” Levi asked, finally letting go of what had been plaguing him for the entire week. He whipped around to yell some more but stopped short when he saw Erwin’s face. Fuck him and his blue eyes. 

"You wouldn't have agreed otherwise. I couldn't ruin our friendship that way," the Commander said quietly, studying Levi's face intently as if he could read what was going on in the former Corporal's head just by scrutinizing him as thoroughly as he could.

“Well, you said it now. So what are you ruining now?” 

“What is it–,”

“What  _are_  we, Erwin?” Levi asked, his voice shaking. “What the  _hell_  are we doing with ourselves? We were helping each other out, or so I thought, and now what?” 

"Now we are about to have a child together," Erwin said firmly. Levi's eyes widened, and he felt himself sag, his forehead bumping against Erwin's chest in defeat. He felt Erwin's arm encircle his middle lightly, not to put too much pressure on his stomach, and his heart lurched.

“What if we are shitty parents?” He whispered, the words muffled by Erwin’s shirt. 

“Let our child be the judge of that,” Erwin replied quietly, his hand stroking Levi’s back comfortingly. “You’re not the only one who’s scared.” 

There was a pause. 

“Erwin?” 

“Hm?” 

“Remember how I told you that you could have this kid and fuck off together with it when this is over?” 

“Yes.” 

"I… I would really like you not to do that."

“Noted. I won’t, then.” 

“Just because I asked you to?” 

“No.”

“Why, then?” 

"Because this is precisely where we all belong."

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, you are awesome! And here is a chapter - I caved into some requests, can't lie!

“I am never, ever,  _ever_ allowing you to go anywhere near me with that fucking dick of yours, Smith, you hear me!" Levi growled through gritted teeth as he felt his lower stomach spasm and pull apart painfully. His knuckles were white as milk, fingers crooked and digging into the side of the hospital wing cot, eyes wide and wet with pain and exertion. They had been having dinner in the mess hall together with the rest of the Survey Corps when Levi had felt it – fluid rushing down the insides of his thighs. Alarm bells had gone off in his mind, and he had staggered his way out of the hall, followed closely by his husband and an overly-excited Hanji, who looked as the weekend had come early. 

"Oh, don't fuss, Levi, it'll be fine! Let's just get this kid out of you, and you'll be zipping around on Maneuvering Gear in no time," she assured him cheerily, as she bustled around the ward looking for additional bandages and pain medication. They had been at this for a couple of hours now, and Levi had already lost count of how long they'd actually been in there, the only thing separating him from agony was Erwin's hand clasped firmly around his own. The blue-eyed man was looking at him with a concerned expression on his handsome face, feet shuffling against the wooden floor even as he sat. It was clear that Erwin was worried, but he had not said a single word since they'd come in here. It seemed that the good Commander had gone into a state of _daddy shock_ , Hanji had concluded, to which Levi had spat that he had better get out of this  _state_ of his as soon as possible, as Levi had no patience for such pathetic behavior when he was the one doing all the work in the first place. 

“Fuck, Hanji, are you  _fucking_ serious?" Levi gasped out as a particularly sharp contraction hit him, his entire body arching off the cot.

“You best hope that your child takes after Erwin here. Or you’ll have trouble getting rid of that potty mouth, for sure,” Hanji told him sweetly. “Now, open up your legs, let me see–,” 

“No fucking way am I ever going to–,” 

“Do you want to get this child out or not? It sounds like they’re getting closer together, so you might as well pop it out soon. I want to have my beauty sleep tonight,” Hanji told him sternly as she settled down on a stool at the end of Levi’s cot. 

“Beauty sleep? That won’t help, in your case,” Levi bickered back. Hanji pinched his thigh painfully in retaliation. “Hey! Aren’t you supposed to treat me like a fucking china doll?” 

“If you acted like one, I would, but right now you are being a pissy little brat, Levi. Commander, please do something about your spouse, he’s driving me nuts,” Hanji said to the other man, who sat staring at his and Levi’s clasped hands silently. Finally, Erwin looked up at Hanji as if this were the first time he saw her all night. 

“What?” 

"Comfort your bonded, Commander. He needs it. Sitting here like a pile of rocks won't help any," Hanji said mildly yet firmly. It was slightly humorous that Commander Erwin Smith was able to lead entire squads into battled against humanity's greatest enemies, losing an arm in the process, survive death and gore and the horrific sights of having his comrades-in-arms eaten alive; and yet he was in a stupor when it came to the simple process of birth.

“What’s up with you, Erwin?” Levi asked his husband, his eyes half-open as the pain medication finally kicked in. It had taken a while to get it down his throat as his stomach had rebelled against anything that had gone in. “Cold feet?” 

“You have no idea, Levi,” Erwin said, glancing at his partner with an unreadable look on his face. “What if it’s true, what you said the other day? What if–,” 

“Shut the fuck up, Erwin, I don’t want to hear it,” Levi gasped as his stomach seized yet again. “You should have thought of the consequences before you stuck your cock up my ass and given me a stomach the size of a Titan’s head.” 

Erwin regarded him for a moment before sighing. “You’re right. I apologize. It’s just… I worry for your well-being, Levi.” 

The shorter man’s eyes went wide momentarily. “You’re worried about me?” 

“This looks painful,” Erwin replied by way of an explanation. He glanced down at Hanji who gave him a subtle nod of reassurance: keep Levi busy, keep his mind off the pain. Even though Hanji had managed to give him the drugs, they were clearly insufficient to block all of the pain. To give Levi more would mean danger to the child. 

"Sure as hell isn't pleasant," Levi bit out, his entire body seizing up again. He felt Erwin's hand tighten around his for a split second before the Commander apparently made himself relax for Levi's sake. The smaller man appreciated the effort, even though there was little to be done here: both of them were on edge, terrified of the prospect of actually having the child they had come to love and hate equally. "Just… hold on to me, all right, Erwin?"

“Always, always,” Erwin reassured him and Levi huffed out a small, amused laugh, his face screwed up in a new bout of pain. 

“Quit spewing sentimental bullshit, Erwin, it doesn’t suit you.” 

“You know it does.” 

“Sina be willing, the child will take after me,” Levi teased, his voice turning into a groan. “Fuck,  _Hanji!_ I think the kid wants out  _now!_ ” 

“Looks like it, but the dilation–,” 

“Don’t fucking give me the details, I don’t want to hear it!” Levi cut her off with a disgusted look on his face. “Just do something about it, Rose damn it all to fucking hell and beyond–,” 

“Levi!” 

“I am going to spend the next, what?  _two decades_ trying to hold my tongue and not curse in front of the little twit, so I am getting my fill right now!” 

Erwin chuckled. "You can swear all you want. Nobody will judge you–,"

“ _Fuck!_ All right, you know what? That’s it! This thing is getting out  _now,_ or I swear I'll take a set of blades to my own fucking stomach!" Levi groaned, his breathing becoming shallower as he clenched his hand painfully around Erwin's. His husband could do little but merely watch as Levi battled against the torture of his own nature, heaving and seizing and spewing nonsense as he thrashed around on the bed, the only thing holding him out being Erwin's iron grip on his hand and Hanji's attempts to restrain his legs.

The girl arrived several hours later, as Levi was about to give up. With a final, massive push, he allowed his own bearer instincts to take over – together with Hanji’s exponentially growing expertise in helping the birth process. He let out a shuddering breath of relief as he watched his fellow Squad Leader clean up the squirming child and wrap her up in a set of blankets before pressing her into Levi’s chest. The former Corporal looked down at the bundle and frowned. 

“She looks nothing like me,” he panted. “She’s…” 

"Not much to look at now, but she'll grow into Erwin's dashing good looks," Hanji assured him before kneeling between his legs again. Levi was too tired to argue for his virtue at this point, so he just allowed her to do whatever the hell she wanted to.

“Um, this can’t be right,” Hanji said, reaching forward. Levi felt her probe around his nether regions and let out an indignant yelp. He looked towards Erwin, but the Commander didn’t see it, his eyes fixed on the tiny girl lying on Levi’s chest.  _Great_ , Levi thought,  _he’ll spoil this fucking kid rotten_. 

“Eh, Commander? I think you should take Levi’s hand,” Hanji said, her voice shaky. Levi looked down at her. 

“What the fuck is going on?” 

That was when the second set of contractions hit.

* * *

 “Twins?” Levi said, horrified at the prospect, his chest still heaving. Hanji bundled up the second child with a smirk on her face, cradling the mass of blankets. 

“A boy and a girl. Isn’t that fantastic, Commander?” She turned to look at Erwin whose face was as blank as the Walls. “Commander? Don’t you want to–,” 

“Uh, right.” Erwin stared at his spouse, his own face mirroring the horror of Levi’s. What the hell were they going to do with  _two_ children? Them, the most fucked-up couple of humanity, having  _two_ kids was…

“This is a disaster,” Levi sighed as Erwin took the second bundle into the crook of his arms. The girl was squirming against his chest, her tiny, blotchy face scrunched up in a grimace. “Erwin, what the hell are we going to do?” 

“You should name them, first,” Hanji said dryly as she wiped off her hands and gathered her equipment for some thorough disinfection. “And don’t you dare say it’s a catastrophe, Levi Smith, they are  _children_ for Sina’s sake.” 

“You don’t understand–,” 

“Oh, I understand perfectly. You two should work out your own relationship before condemning these two little angels to a life of misery,” Hanji said darkly. She gave the couple a stern look. “I did my part. Now you do yours. I expect to see these children nice and healthy and–,” 

"Fine. Just… Fine," Erwin murmured, looking at the little boy in his arm. Hanji huffed and left the vicinity of Levi's cot to give the couple time alone.

The Commander glanced at his spouse bitterly.

"Seems I can't plan anything right."

 “We didn’t know. I should’ve… I should’ve  _felt_ that there were two, Erwin, I–,” 

“It’s not your fault.” 

“It isn’t yours either.” 

"I know. I know Sina damn it all to hell, but… What if the government wants more? What if they take them–," Levi's hands wrapped around the bundle on his chest tenderly. He had no idea what to do with babies. He just knew that they were fragile as hell. "I won't let them. We'll… we'll raise them. We can do this. I think. Fuck, Erwin, why does it always have to go wrong with the two of us?"

“It’s not wrong,” Erwin assured him as he rocked the boy. It was clear that their second child was far more reserved than the girl, who was constantly moving around in Levi’s hold. The boy didn’t do much, in fact–,

“He’s not breathing.” 

“What?” 

“Levi, he’s not–,”

“ _HANJI_!” 

* * *

 

“He didn’t even have a name.” 

“I know.” 

“This isn’t… I never wanted two.” 

“I know.” 

“But I never thought I would feel like this.” 

“I know.” 

“For Sina’s sake, Levi, can you say something other than  _I know_?” 

Levi looked up at his husband wearily; his arms wrapped tightly around the small bundle that was their little girl. Hanji had come bounding into the ward as soon as he'd called, but it was too late – the boy was clearly the weaker twin, so weak, in fact, that he had turned out to be underdeveloped. The outside world had proved to be too much for him, Hanji had told the two of them, and Levi had shuddered. The outside world was too much for anybody, he thought to himself. Now they were sitting in their room, having been dismissed. Erwin had taken the body of their son to be buried, in an unmarked grave underneath a nondescript tree on the castle grounds. Levi hadn't been able to go, as he was still recovering from the sleepless night.

It looked like yet another one for the both of them. 

“You’re crying.” 

“I know.” 

“Levi, we… we’ll get through this.” 

“He didn’t even have a  _chance_ at life, you fucking clod.” Levi touched the cheek of their daughter gently. “She’ll… she won’t know. We won’t tell her. Got it?” 

“Fine. Whatever you want.” 

“I can’t believe this.” Levi turned to look out the window from his bed. “I never thought we were having two. I never wanted two.  _You_ never wanted two. And now it feels incomplete. As if I failed something.” 

“It wasn’t your fault.” 

“He was too weak, damn you! What if that was because I neglected to take care of myself? Because I ran off on a suicide mission to protect the castle? Or maybe I was defective since the beginning? How can you know for sure?” Levi asked Erwin quietly. Every sentence fell hard, like a blow, to the Commander’s ears. He leaned forward and clasped Levi’s hand, now familiar with every scar and callous on it, as he had been holding it for hours on end just the previous night. 

“It’s not your fault.”

“Then whose is it?” Levi asked, his eyes wet. “I need to blame something, some _one_. Whose fault is it?” 

“Nobody’s. Nothing made this happen.” Erwin bowed his head and then placed the open palm of his only hand onto their daughter’s forehead. 

“We live in a cruel world.” 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are amazing and I love you and here is a new chapter for all of you to enjoy! Un-betaed.

“Kara Smith, you settle down  _right_ now,” Levi demanded, his voice trembling with frustration as he attempted to put the child to sleep yet again for the seventh time in three hours.  _This is impossible,_ he thought, as the kid proceeded to scream her lungs out at him. It seemed that she had inherited Levi's explosive nature, and was taking full advantage of the fact that she was an infant to grate on everyone's nerves. The soldiers were becoming increasingly more sleep deprived, and Erwin had even been forced to relocate some of them to new barracks – those who were sensitive sleepers were unable to get even a wink in with the newborn girl's screaming. Every night, Levi would go through the same ritual: hear a scream, get up, rock baby, demand that baby shuts up, rock baby more, replace seemingly sleeping baby in the crib and go back to bed, only to be up half an hour later and do the same.

“She won’t sleep if you keep tossing her around like a salad.” 

Levi turned to look at his husband, unimpressed. “You’re a lot of help.” 

Erwin slowly got himself out of bed and padded towards him, his eyes still narrowed from the sleep that had been interrupted. As he approached Levi, the latter fought an instinct to step back: a strive for self-preservation that told him to take cover as the elephant in the room made its appearance. It had been three weeks since Kara's birth, and over a month since they had talked in the hospital wing over Eren's maternal throes. The silence between them hung like an ax, and Levi was beginning to suspect that it would not take long for it to come down, chopping their necks and offering their heads up for judgment to the rest of humanity. Everyone in the Survey Corps knew what was going on: Hanji kept whispering little pieces of useless advice into Levi's ear as he fed his daughter, Mike merely sniffed at the air knowingly whenever the Smith family made an appearance. The rest, including the recruits, were simply hesitant whenever they mentioned the Commander to him and vice-versa. Overall, it was awkward as hell. More so, considering that Levi was still technically on maternity leave and forced to stay in their quarters most of the time, with only the little monster for company, and that Erwin made it a point to establish "the familiar connection that they lacked" to show to the baby that she had a whole family. The whole point was ridiculous, from this point of view, Levi had stated numerous times, because at this stage, Kara Smith could not distinguish love from her own shit.

But love was a big theme for Erwin now, Levi considered, taking into account that Kara’s very name, carefully chosen and offered up for him to approve, meant ‘loved one’ in an obscure language from a book Hanji had almost finished deciphering. Initially, the former Corporal had protested: what if the translation had been inaccurate? He’s be stuck with a child name Little Sack of Feces for the rest of his life. But Erwin had given him a  _look_ , and he conceded without much of a fight. Why would he care what this little monster would be called? 

Oh, but he did care. He certainly cared whenever Hanji praised how  _adorable and curious_ his daughter was. He certainly cared whenever Kara directed her large blue eyes to look at his face. And he certainly cared when Erwin tried to take her from him with his one arm. 

“What are you doing?” He asked sharply. The Commander gave him a confused look in the semi-darkness. 

“I was going to try doing it. Maybe she’ll listen to me.” 

"Why would she listen to you?" Levi said as he rocked the wailing child slower, hoping that she would cooperate finally. No such luck. He groaned inwardly as the screams intensified. "I think she has colics; you can't help here. It's the bloody _food_ , or whatever the fuck that stuff that Hanji came up with, it’s doing this to her.” 

“Maybe she just needs a man’s hold–,” Erwin’s eyes widened for a moment as he realized what he’d said. Levi cast him a glare. 

“As opposed to what, exactly?” 

“I meant that maybe she needs her father–,”

“How are my  _manly_ hands different from yours?” 

“Levi, you know I didn't mean it–,” 

“Yeah, well,  _fuck you_. And this, I meant with all my heart.” Levi turned away, striding to the window with Kara in his hold. He stood there, looking out at the star-strewn sky. How long would it be before he could go out again with the rest of his squad? A year? Two? Until Kara was an independent human being, whenever that was? “I’m sorry I was unable to provide you with a second child to hold.” 

“Don’t you dare,” Erwin said sharply. “We’ve been over this. There was nothing we could do. It was out of our control. He was just too weak–,” 

“Yeah, that’s bloody fantastic, isn’t it?” Levi cut his husband off, his voice hushed as Kara seemed to have screamed herself hoarse, allowing for a moment of quiet before she would inevitably go off like a sound grenade again. “What the hell is  _under_ our control, then, husband of mine? Because as far as I can see, all we do it fuck our lives up and then die. Some don't even get a chance to fuck up, like our… never mind. Forget it.” 

He turned away so that Erwin wouldn’t see his eyes fill up. It was strange, this feeling of mourning that washed over him whenever someone mentioned his  _other_ child, the one that had never made it. For some bizarre reason, Levi felt more attached to the little boy than the live baby he had in his hold. Hanji had written it all off as a bit of a low, something apparently common in females after they'd given birth, but it was unsettling. Levi found himself visiting his son's grave on a daily basis, a small unmarked tombstone beneath a tree sequestered in the castle's garden. He brought flowers and read to his son every day, even though the boy didn't even have a name. It felt almost blasphemous to name him after his death, so both Erwin and Levi had agreed on keeping him nameless. That was, perhaps, one of the few things that Erwin and Levi had agreed on since the twins had been born. More often than not, they argued over petty little things, and though the former Corporal was grateful that his husband granted him enough respect to stand his ground, the fact that he could possibly be in love with the man put a damper on the feeling of success whenever he won an argument.

“I miss him too, you know.” 

Levi let out a bitter laugh. “You  _miss_ him? How can you stand there and tell me that? You weren't the one carrying him for nine months, nurturing him, protecting him. You weren't the one who had to go through hell and back giving birth to him only to have him die minutes later."

“He died in my arms, Levi. Never forget that.” 

“Boo-hoo.” 

“I was his father, damn it.” It sounded like Erwin had reached his limit as he banged his fist on the desk. Levi turned to look at him, shooting him a look full of contempt. 

“You will never understand what it feels like to lose a child.” 

A moment of silence hung between them before Erwin approached his spouse rapidly. As he was about to grab onto him, the former Corporal leaned back, eyes wide. The second after, Erwin was two steps away from him, his own face reflecting the shock of having his bonded look at him as if he were…

“You are still afraid of me, Levi.” 

The younger man shuffled uncomfortably, seeking respite in a thankfully silent Kara. He glanced down at her face in wonder. “How can I not be?” 

“You know I will never do anything to hurt you.” 

“I know that.” 

"So what are you afraid of?" Levi looked up at him helplessly, and the truth struck Erwin as if a Titan had swung its massive fist at him and thrown him off his feet. "You're scared that I will hurt her. Levi, I would never–,"

“I don’t understand it myself,” the former Corporal said, his voice bitter again. “But I keep seeing him dead in your arms over and over again and all I can think of–,”

“You think  _I_ killed our child?” 

“It’s irrational, I know, I know, Erwin, damn it, I’m trying  _so hard_ , but I can’t bear thinking of what… what would happen if Kara died too.” 

Erwin stood motionlessly, watching his partner’s figure contort into a perfect bow,  hunched over their daughter’s sleeping form. Slowly, tentatively, the Commander made a step. Then another one. Then another. Softly, so as not to spook his wife further, he reached out and touched Kara’s small face with one single finger. The baby did nothing but yawn in her sleep, shifting slightly in Levi’s hold before going serenely still. Levi glanced down at her and then up at Erwin. 

“Why did you do that?” 

“To show to your irrational mind that it wasn’t I who killed our son.” 

“Who was it then?” Levi asked. “I need someone to blame, Erwin. And so does my  _irrational mind_.” 

“Mother nature?” Erwin ventured. Levi shook his head.

“No. It was  _them_. It’s always them who kill and maim and destroy us.”

“The Titans?” 

“The Royals.” Levi drew a shuddering breath. “Promise me something, Erwin.” 

“Levi, anything. Anything at all.” 

“When Kara is old enough to lose her parents… we’ll go after them.”

"Kara won't lose her parents, Levi," Erwin murmured, placing his hand on his spouse's shoulder. This time, Levi didn't flinch, and the Commander seemed to relax as well. He looked out of the window at the stars, one for each of the people that had died serving Humanity. Serving the Crown. "Because you and I will succeed. I promise you that."

“You never break a promise.” 

“I never do,” Erwin confirmed solemnly. He looked down at their daughter. “She’s asleep now.” 

"Don't hold your breath, the little monster has a set of pipes and a sleeping disorder; it would seem. What kind of baby doesn't like sleep anyway?" Levi complained frustratedly. Erwin gave him a small smirk, barely discernible in the darkness. "What?"

“Our baby. Our baby does these kinds of things.” 

They stood in silence, looking at the night together. 

“Erwin?” 

“Hm?” 

“Do you think… do you think the  _other_ baby would have been weird, too?” 

“Most definitely.” 

* * *

 

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Easy, easy,” Commander Nile Dok hopped off his horse, his eyes fixed on the bundle in Levi’s arms. The Corporal had been enjoying some time outside of his quarters, while Erwin had run checks on the Squads’ preparation level for yet another mission, when the gate had swung open, revealing a very smug-looking Commander of the Military Police. In an instant, Levi had pressed Kara to his chest protectively, shielding her form the man’s prying eyes. Kara was too good for Dok to lay his sleazy eyes on her. 

“Relax, sweetheart, I’m just here to congratulate the happy couple with their newborn child,” Dok said, his voice mockingly kind. Levi refused to cower, even though every instinct in him screamed to run and protect the baby. 

“You came, you saw, you showed your pathetic face, now leave,” he said firmly. “Since when are you even authorized on Survey Corps premises?” 

“Since I have official permission as the King’s messenger,” Nile said smoothly, his eyes wondering over Levi’s smaller form. 

“A messenger now, are we? Is the Military Police so damn redundant that they have you as an errand boy?” 

“You keep your mouth shut, you little guttersnipe–,”

“Commander Dok, what a pleasant surprise,” Erwin’s booming voice joined the conversation as the man himself appeared at Levi’s side. 

"Ah, Erwin, nice to see that fatherhood is not interfering with your duties like it does for some," Nile said, his smirk only growing wider.

“How do you mean?” 

“Well, seems like your wife here has his hands full with the baby and all. Not even wearing the uniform anymore. Post-pregnancy bodies are notoriously difficult to combat, about as pesky as the Titans.” 

“And how would you know?” Levi said cooly. “Seeing as you’ve never even been near one before.” 

“Still the same old attitude.” 

Levi noticed that the rest of the Survey Corps were starting to gather in the courtyard to see what the commotion was about. Great, just what he needed: a bloody show. 

“I assure you, Nile, my spouse will be back in the Survey Corps before you know it,” Erwin said, his voice not betraying a single emotion, though Levi could sense the tension thrumming through him. “His status as Corporal was never revoked, and his uniform is waiting for him to be put on as soon as he deems himself ready.” 

“What about your daughter, then?” 

“What about her?” Levi asked, his face challenging. 

“Grooming her to join the ranks of the Walking Dead?” Nile mocked. “Is she going to be a career girl, like her mother?” 

“That’s it.” Erwin’s face went from neutrally welcoming to Titans-are-fleeing in a split second. “You dare come here and insult my partner and my newborn child, Dok? Whatever business you have here is done.” 

"I suppose it is," the policeman said with a curled lip. "I'm only here to deliver a message, actually. The King wants to see that spawn of yours. And Jägers. Kirschteins. Whatever. You fucking inbreeds, all of you, mixing together. It's fucking disgusting."

As Eren and Jean struggled to get through the crowd to challenge the man, the Commander of the Military Police simply gave the soldiers a glare before mounting his horse and setting off through the gate the way he'd come. A heavy silence fell upon the ranks.

“Levi?”

"Yes?" The younger man turned to look at his husband, feeling the eyes of the entire Survey Corps burning through the back of his skull. The exchange had not been missed, and Levi was thankful for the silent support, a wall of men and women standing behind him and his husband, all seeking to tear Nile Dok to pieces.

“That promise I gave you last night?” 

“What about it?” 

“I will definitely keep it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://haganenoheichou.tumblr.com


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, you have to stop drowning me with so much love, or I'm going to get spoiled haha. Sorry this chapter's a little late, I'm stuck doing college work (how dare university interfere with my smut), but here it is. I promised drama, and drama there is.

Days went by very quickly as little Kara grew, her genetic makeup becoming more apparent as she developed a personality: a mix between Erwin’s unyielding stubbornness and Levi’s knack for defying authority. Levi and Erwin started taking turns babysitting her, as the Corporal had slowly went back to training, at least part-time, in between trying to mold his daughter into a well-rounded human being (oh, the irony of  _him_ being the one to do that) and yelling at the new recruits. As winter dragged into springtime and then into summer, things within the castle grounds returned languidly to the order they had been in before: training, planning, occasional get-togethers. The only thing that was different was that there were two borderline ubiquitous infants who seemed to have conquered the hearts of the entire regiment. By the time the two were nine months old, the soldiers of the Survey Corps have taken to spending their free time playing with the children, much to the relief of their reasonably happy but exhausted parents.

Mikolas Kirschtein was surprisingly well mannered, a quiet child with a thoughtful gaze, who had inherited Eren’s natural curiosity for how the world functioned. He spent most of his time giving people scanning looks and struggling in his mother’s hold whenever he caught wind of anything remotely interesting. Kara was the more energetic of the two, and whenever they were placed in a playpen together, she would attempt to grab onto Mikolas’ rapidly growing hair and pull him towards her with her grabby little fingers.

It came as a major surprise to her parents when she uttered her first word at nine months.

“No.”

“ _What?_ " Levi turned around to look at his daughter; dropping the dish he had been holding and stalking over to her cot. He leaned over it as he stared at the baby who turned her earnest blue-eyed gaze to him and said, clear as day:

“No.”

"Figures that your first word would be that," Levi said with a sigh as he picked the baby up. "Well, I suppose we'll tell your father when he's back. You'll have to make a repeat performance, you know? But keep it quiet, or he'll attempt to make you say his name or something, or recite the fucking oath to humanity."

When Levi informed his husband what had occurred after the Commander had come back from training that afternoon, Erwin was, naturally, overjoyed, but his face fell when he saw Levi’s concerned expression.

"What is it?" He asked, looking down at the baby in Levi's arms. The Corporal was still slightly reluctant to let anyone else other than himself hold her, and Erwin respected the distance.  _Distance_ was another theme in their relationship nowadays, besides love, as depressingly ironic as it was. Levi could almost feel the physical miles that separated them. Erwin was kind, thoughtful, and responsive, as a husband and as a father. But ever since that talk of theirs all those many months ago, when the Commander had suddenly made a confession of his feelings for his spouse, there had been no  _intimacy_ between them. Not in the physical sense, except for the occasional comforting hug that one would give their third-degree relative, nor in the sense of just… being a couple. Levi supposed it was both of their faults. He refused to initiate anything, afraid of getting rejected or worse, hurting Erwin in the long run. Erwin, on the other hand, was too respectful for his own good as he kept his hands to himself, his words boxed up in that vast mind of his, and his eyebrows furrowed. On the outside, they were the perfect family: mother, father, child, all united in the goal of having Kara grow into a decent human being without the stress of Titan hazards. On the inside, there was nothing. Their relationship was an empty shell. Sometimes, Levi found peace in this kind of hollowness, and sometimes he felt like tearing his own hair out. He couldn't help but silently accuse Erwin of being aware of his predicament, how could he  _not_ be aware? Neither of them did anything, though, so it plundered on without any real progress. The Corporal was scared to think that one day it would just go stale and Erwin would turn elsewhere for comfort.

“Is she supposed to be able to do this so early on?” Levi asked quietly. His husband’s gaze softened.

“Well, she  _is_ a bearer child.”

“Oh,” Levi scoffed, rolling his eyes as he rocked Kara slowly in his arms. “Don’t tell me you buy into this crap about how miraculous male conception is. Give me a break.”

“The evidence is right here.”

“Our  _daughter_ , who is not a piece of meat for experimentation,  _Erwin_ , is just… smart. That's it. There is absolutely nothing special about being the child of a bearer," Levi dismissed. "I have seen them, bearer babies, back in… before I joined the Survey Corps. And they were absolutely the same as normal children. They cried the same, shat the same, and they died the fucking same."

“Levi–,”

“Sorry. Morbid. I know. I’ll try to be more cheerful. It’s just that both you and I are well-aware of the fact that  _any_ sort of deviation from the norm could get her landed in the King’s hands and I would rather die than allow him to lay a finger on our daughter,” Levi said firmly. Erwin’s eyes widened as he approached his small family softly, gaze fixed on the Corporal’s face. “What?”

“You really feel so strongly for her, don’t you?” Erwin questioned, searching Levi’s face for an answer. His partner let out a huff of indignation.  

“What did you expect? I’m not a monster. I love this child, even though it’s a fucking pain in the ass – quite literally, too.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining. “

Levi stopped short at the comment. They were entering very dangerous territory. They had not talked about anything even remotely sexual since Levi had carelessly accused his husband of having taken advantage of him, and honestly, this topic seemed to be even more taboo than that of their underdeveloped relationship. While Eren and Jean Kirschtein apparently made use of every flat surface in the castle, both horizontal  _and_ vertical, the Smiths were as celibate as they had been the day there were born – at least, since that unfortunate night when Kara had been conceived.

“I’m not. You were… very kind to me.”

“What I did to you was not kind in any way,” Erwin remarked quietly. “I know I should have handled it differently.”

“Well, be as it may, one good thing came out of it,” Levi said, lifting Kara up a little in his arms for emphasis. “We got ourselves a little fucking genius to take care of.”

“You’re aware that you’ll probably have to watch your mouth around her from now on. If she catches on quickly, we’ll have to work very hard to reduce her… vocabulary in some terms,” Erwin said lightly. Levi gave him a small glare.

“I wasn’t aware that I would have to change the way I speak. Let the kid be. If she’s so smart, I’m sure she’ll figure out that it’s not all right to say some things in polite company.”

“She’s the daughter of a military Commander. She should behave appropriately.”

"She's also the daughter of a former criminal. It will show, Erwin; you know it will. Genetics."

“Nurture.”

“If our daughter wants to curse like a fucking Garrison drunk, let her. If only to piss the higher-ups off,” Levi said, imagining the King’s face if the toddler Kara would grow into told him everything she thought of him. He could almost picture the man’s face. The thought didn’t bring much joy, but it was entertaining in its own strange way.

“Well, it’s too early to speak of this yet,” Erwin conceded, giving up on the argument, only to bring it back later, Levi was sure. “Just… try not to be as…”

“As  _me_ when I’m around her?” His partner asked sharply.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Eh, I understand,” Levi admitted quietly, looking down at the child’s face. “She really is a fu– a miracle, isn’t she?”

“She is.”

_“No!”_

The two of them looked down at their daughter's laughing face and chuckled. She was really going to be a handful. Levi couldn't help but marvel at how much she had captured both of them and twisted them around her little finger. As much as he had resisted, or, honestly,  _attempted_  to resist her charms, Kara Smith was a challenge, and he never backed down from those.

As Erwin stroked his fingers lightly over their daughter’s face, Levi looked up at him. The man was so close. Too close. Too close for Levi’s comfort, but at the same time it was the kind of closeness he had been aching for for ages now. He knew that he wasn’t being fair on either of them: it was because of his lack of indication that he wanted more that Erwin had kept his distance, but he couldn’t muster up the nerve to allow things to advance. He had never been in love, and he had never been this integrated into the life of another human being. It was reciprocal for sure: Erwin permeated every single moment of his day, and even at night, he could no longer fall asleep without his husband lying next to him.

“Erwin?”

“Yes?”

Levi let out a shaky breath. The warmth of Erwin’s body scalded him. If he angled his face a little differently, he could be able to–,

“Commander! Corporal!”

The two looked up to see a flustered Jean Kirschtein run into their quarters without knocking, the door banging against the wall as he had thrown it open. Erwin did not move away from his partner, who felt increasingly uncomfortable being seen so close next to the other man.

"Kirschtein!" Erwin said with irritation, apparently displeased at having been interrupted at such a vital moment. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Commander! It's Eren! The Military Police, they came and grabbed him, they say the King ordered his arrest, I don't understand, I think they want Mikolas! I managed to grab him before they could get him, please hide him…" Jean opened his uniform jacket to reveal a small bundle pressed against his chest. His eyes wild, he looked between the two men. Levi's heart clenched. This meant that they were probably going to come for Kara, as well. Dok had said all those months ago that the King had wanted to  _see_ the children, and this; this was obviously his way of  _seeing_.

“What did they say, Jean?” Erwin asked, his voice grave. The young man was panting, possibly entering a full-blown panic attack as his arms trembled around his child.

"I was just back from training when they came… They… they burst into our rooms, said that Eren was under arrest, when I asked them why, they didn't answer, just demanded to see Mikolas. So I grabbed him and grappled out of the window, but I couldn't save Eren, he was too far away, they have him tied up, Commander,  _please_ –,”

“Calm down, Jean!” Levi said evenly, even as his own heart seemed to travel somewhere deep down into the pit of his belly. He looked towards Erwin, who seemed lost in thought.

“They’ll come after us next, won’t they?” He asked, stricken. His husband wasted no sentiment on calming him down as he nodded, finally ripping himself away from Levi’s side and stalking over to his desk to rifle through the drawers.

“Take Kara, take Mikolas and run,” he said as he fished out a small sack of coins, placing it on the desk with a bang. “This should be enough to get you by, when it’s safe, we’ll come find you.”

“Erwin–,”

“You know this is the only way. They’ll arrest you too and come up with an excuse to take away both Mikolas and Kara, so you  _have to go_ , Levi.”

The Corporal shook his head, eyes wide. “I can’t–,”

“You  _will_. They won't take Jean or me if the kids aren't here. We're not the target; we'll be safe, don't worry."

“But they might try to find out–,”

“They can’t afford to lose us, not me, and I will vouch for Jean, I promise–,”

“Erwin, I can’t just… Where would I go?” Levi looked between the two men, his heart pumping at several hundred miles a second. His head spun as he considered what Erwin was telling him to do. His husband ran to him, placing his hands on the sides of Levi’s face gently and forcing him to look up.

“Get supplies and get the hell out.”

“Out  _where_ , Erwin? They’re everywhere.”

“Not outside the Walls, they aren’t,” came Jean’s frighteningly monotonous voice from the doorway. Levi turned towards him.

“Are you insane?”

“Jean is right. Get your gear, take the money, take the children and make a run for it. You should be able to hide away in the forest of giant trees, maybe somewhere up in the branches, where the Titans can’t reach you–,”

“But what would we do for  _food_ , Erwin? For water?”

“Would you rather get taken to the capital? Separated from Kara? Levi, be reasonable.”

“I  _am_ being reasonable. In fact, I am the only reasonable person in this room!” Levi burst out. The fight went out of him when he realized that nobody was laughing. He looked up at his husband’s face and sighed.

“Fine. I’ll run.”

“Good.” Erwin sprung into action. He got out a sack from the wardrobe, throwing in some blankets and clothes, as well as an extra gas canister that he kept there for emergencies – may it never be said that the Commander was anything but paranoid. Levi returned Kara to her cot momentarily to get into his straps. Thank Sina he had taken his gear back to the room for cleaning and maintenance. He hadn’t done it yet, and it looked like it would have to wait, but the gear would serve its purpose for a while. As the last of his spare blades slid into its slot, Erwin offered him the supply bag and the money.

“Here. Take it. You can get out through the window and follow the eastern tower to the stables, then–,”

“I know, Erwin, I have a brain!” Levi cut him off impatiently, grabbing the bags from him and stalking over to Kara’s cradle. He took the child into his arms and then twisted her blanket into a sling of sorts to tie it around his neck. Jean approached him slowly, his eyes fixed on his son as he handed Mikolas over to be placed into the sling as well. It wasn’t particularly comfortable  _or_ safe for the children, but they would have to make do.

Suddenly, there was a loud noise of military boots stomping on the floor that came from the corridor.

“Fuck, they’re here!” Levi whispered urgently. Jean leaned over to place a kiss on his son’s forehead and then looked up at his Corporal.

“Take care of him, all right, Corporal Levi?”

“I’ll try, Jean,” Levi replied, touching the man’s shoulder briefly before running towards the open window.

“Levi!”

"Yes?" He turned only to have Erwin's lips cover his own. Shock froze him for a moment before he kissed back with all his might. He couldn't exactly embrace Erwin with all the bulk he was carrying; namely, the two children sequestered against his chest, so he just allowed himself to feel his husband's kiss – the first they'd shared since their wedding.

“I should have done this sooner,” Erwin breathed, touching Levi’s face while the stomping outside got louder.

“You’ll do it again. I promise,” Levi said as he climbed onto the ledge. “Come find me.”

The two men nodded to him as he grappled off the window and towards the stables just as the door burst open. He heard the commotion in Erwin’s room fade away, the wind rushing in his ears. Levi glanced down at his precious burden with a sigh.

“Hold tight, kids. This one’s going to be a bitch.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and be sure to drop a line :) 
> 
> Also, my tumblr is lonely: http://haganenoheichou.tumblr.com


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for this one. This is what midterms do to my stress levels.

Levi knew that living outside the Walls would be akin to suicide. After all, besides the Titans, there was real danger out there: the lack of food and potable water, the cold, the animals that were particularly hungry for human flesh. If he had been on his own, he would have probably survived; but with the two tiny lives depending on him keeping his for everything, he just couldn’t risk it. After spending a couple of nights cooped up in the tall trees of the Forest, hungry and alone, with only two screaming, ravenous infants for company, he stealthily made his way back to the Walls, knowing that he was probably condemning the children and himself to a terrible fate given that the only way out of the MP’s field of vision was the one place he had vowed never to return to. 

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.” 

He snapped out of his hunger-induced delirium and instinctively cradled the children to his chest, hiding them from view underneath his uniform jacket. 

“Levi, as I live and breathe.” 

The man's breath smelled of alcohol and stomach acid as he leaned in, attempting to get a better look at the Corporal. The latter sought to keep himself still as he held the man's gaze evenly in a display of what he hoped looked like complete control.

"What, did they finally see you for the piece of shit you are and kick you out of the army? News travels slowly around here, you know. So I haven't heard the latest from aboveground."

“Fuck. You. Get out of my way.” 

“What? Are you gonna fight me? You can barely stand, you’re so fucking weak. Remember when you were the life of the party around here? Those were the fucking days. Levi, the famous whore–,” 

"Shut the fuck up," Levi said through gritted teeth, attempting to get past the man. He remembered this one, an unfortunate fellow, one of his more-or-less frequent customers back in the day when the young man's only means of survival had been selling himself to disgusting characters akin to this one.

“Hey, what’s that you’re holding there, Levi?” 

The man leaned in to get a closer look at the bulge beneath Levi’s jacket, and the younger man felt his muscles jam into action as he ran, pushing past his former customer and ducking into a dark alley.  _Is there any other kind of alley down here?_ He thought with a bitter chuckle. 

This was the underground, the very place he had struggled to escape so many years ago, and yet there he was, back again, with an armful of hungry, whimpering babies. He wondered whether Erwin was looking for him, and his chest contracted at the memory of the kiss they had shared. He didn't know whether it had been Erwin all along, if it had always been Erwin, from day one, and he had been reluctant to admit it. Either way, it was not going to happen for the two of them. Erwin would probably not come down here looking for Levi and the children. He knew how much the Corporal despised the place, and he was aware that this would be the last resort…

 _No_. Now was not the time to think about these things, he had to find shelter and food, and fast, as the children’s uncharacteristic silence could only mean that they were too weak to put up a fight now. 

He found a small inn that he remembered visiting as a younger man, one of the places where he would offer his services for a coin and drink; and judging from the innkeeper's apparent flash of recognition upon seeing his face, he was well-remembered. Levi had spent all his money on getting down the stairs – the guards at the bottom recognized him and didn't want to let him in because of his newly-found reputation as an officer. He managed to convince the man to put them up for the night and give them some grub in exchange for his Corporal's pin, the only valuable thing he had on him besides the uniform.

Getting the kids to agree to food was not a chore – they were too bloody hungry to complain, so soon both Mikolas and Kara were asleep in the small, gritty bed, soft and vulnerable. He wolfed down the remainder of the children's milk and half a bun of bread before stripping down to his dirty pants and shirt and heading for the door. Money was not going to make itself.

It wasn't hard to find a man willing to fuck him for money: Levi knew that his youthful appearance was a turn on for most perverts down here, and when he spotted someone who looked more or less sober, he went for it. The seductive glances and words came easily, as if they had been stored away in his memory, just in case, for future reference. He supposed his brain subconsciously knew that he would return to be the trash he had been born to be. 

While the customer groaned, fucking him hard against the wall of some decrepit-looking building, all Levi could do was shut his eyes and think about his husband. He knew that Erwin would not forgive him for doing this, but prostituting himself was easier than stealing: he couldn’t afford to get caught and killed, not with the children depending on him. Jobs in the Underground were scarce, and this was… he knew the risks of what  _this_  was.

“You’re too quiet.” Levi felt the slap land on his cheek, and he allowed his face to snap to the side, numb to the pain. 

“Sorry,” he said, voice hoarse. “I’ll do better.” 

He moaned exaggeratedly while the man continued his repetitive motions, and his mind traveled to what his first – and only – time had been with Erwin. He remembered being numb, too, but this was different. He hadn't realized back then just how different Erwin had been, with his comforting words and guilty glances. He hadn't realized just how much Erwin had taken care of him and considered his feelings even as he had defiled his body. This was an entirely different form of defilement. This was dirty. He struggled through the rest of the time the customer had paid for before pocketing the money with a disgusted look on his face.

* * *

 

Every day, he would go out scouting for someone to take him in for a couple of hours and give him enough to pay for the room and some basic staple foods. Every day, he felt a little less like a Corporal and more like Levi, the whore. Every day, he thought about that kiss Erwin had given him as a goodbye. His first good kiss, and it had been wasted on a sad thing like this. It was shameful.

He had lost count of the days by the time Mikolas said his first word. Unsurprisingly, it was also _no_ , an assertive statement he gave one day while Levi attempted to feed him. With each passing day, the baby was beginning to resemble his parents more: both Jean and Eren's stubbornness was a dominant gene, for sure. Kara became quite contemplative lately, mimicking her father's serious face whenever Levi attempted to teach her new words. Spending time with the children was the only repose he got, in between working and searching for food. The innkeeper no longer minded his presence, and even warmed up to the children, offering to watch them while Levi was gone. The old man had no delusions, he knew what Levi did for a living, but such was the nature of the Underground: if you couldn't get a job, you did whatever you could. 

Such were the thoughts of one Levi Smith (now  _just Levi_ ) as he was returning to the inn after a hard day's labor – the last man had been very demanding of him, asking for additional services for extra pay. The former Corporal was no fool; he would not turn down extra money just because of a couple of new bruises, so he had agreed, now suffering the consequences as he nursed his sprained wrist.

"Levi?" 

He stopped abruptly at the sound of the voice, his spine going rigid.  _No, no, no, not this, you're dead, you're supposed to be dead,_ he thought to himself, the panicky voice in his head a chant. He slowly turned to look at the tall, wiry man standing before him, his unkempt hair and beard failing to hide the malice in his eyes. 

"I heard you were in town, but I said I wouldn't believe it until I saw it with my own eyes." The man took a step towards him, and Levi backed away, skin crawling.

"Don't come any closer." 

"Or what? Will that Commander husband of yours come after me? Maybe get me framed again like he did last time? Do you know how many favors I owe to the MP's now?"

"Kenny–," 

"Don't you fucking  _Kenny_ me, you dirty piece of shit!" With split second's notice, Levi's bruised wrist was encased in the man's firm hold. The former Corporal attempted to conceal a whimper of pain, but it broke off his lips like a curse, and the older man's satisfaction, shining like a beacon on his face, was worse than any agony Levi had endured before. "Say, Levi, who got you this battered?"

"None of your business," Levi replied quietly, receiving a punch in the eye for his effort. 

"Do you remember,  _sweetheart_ , when you used to be my business? The clientele didn't treat you this way." 

"They treated me way worse, depending on the amount of money they gave you, you son of a bitch." 

"Feisty. That's why they like you, Levi, darling. You're feisty. Got a lot of fight in you even though you're _nothing_. Hear me?  _Nothing._ " 

"I am not nothing." 

"What was that?" Kenny leaned forward, feigning deafness. "What did you say, sweetums?" 

"I said, I am  _not_ nothing, you fucking bastard!" Levi ripped his wrist out of Kenny's hold, making a run for it. He didn't get far when the man caught up with his tired legs, knocking him down into the mud. Levi knew that struggling would only make it worse, but he did it anyway. He was agreeable to any form of prostitution, thievery,  _murder_ , anything but being in this man's grabby hands again. The fear he had felt in the King's Palace back when Kenny had walked in on him in the bathroom trickled back down his spine. Kenny Ackerman was the one Titan Levi couldn't not fight. Because he was a man, a cunning, ruthless man, the worst kind of person that Levi had ever had the misfortune to encounter. He had trusted this bastard, having handed over his entire life to him at one point, and having been repaid with a miscarriage and a fucking beating.

"Don't touch me." 

"I will touch you if I want to," Kenny said, dripping saliva down onto Levi's face as he pinned the young man to the ground, eyes ablaze. Levi knew that Kenny didn't  _want_ him, not in the usual sense that men wanted him because Kenny was more than just a pervert. He was a bloody businessman. He was savvy, and he knew that his success as a pimp was largely because Levi had once been a first-class whore. "Say, Levi, where's that tummy of yours? Don't tell me the good Commander threw you out and kept the kid? Or maybe you're just as bad at being pregnant as you are at everything. Perhaps you fucking lost it like you did with the previous one."

Levi stared up at the man. "You knew?" 

"Of course I fucking knew. I was the one who put it there." 

"What the hell are you talking about, you weren't–," 

"I wasn't the father, Levi, but I was the one who put you in that bed, wasn't I? Which makes me your  _daddy_ ," Kenny hissed and licked a strip of skin up the Corporal's neck. He sunk his teeth into Levi's earlobe, and the younger man wanted to scream at how fucking helpless he was underneath this man. Levi was Humanity's Strongest, had been for a long time, but he had always known that there was someone stronger than him – the man who had taught him everything he knew about combat and survival. Training in the Survey Corps had been a complete joke. It had been with Kenny that he had learned lessons of how to live in society as fucked up as the Walls.

"Let go of me," he said, his voice wavering. 

"So what, you lost the kid, and he disposed of you?" Kenny taunted. Levi closed his eyes, praying, for the first time in his life, that the man would never find out about the children. "Did the Commander not want you because you're a fucking murderer?"

"I am not a murderer." 

"You murdered your first child by being unfit to carry it," Kenny said, emphasizing each word with a hit to Levi's ribs, one hand holding on to the Corporal's wrists, hitched up above his head. A blow landed on his stomach, and Levi would have doubled over if not for the horrible, dead weight that Kenny exerted onto his middle. "You are a fucking failure, you whore."

"I am not a whore. My name is Levi Smith." 

"You fucking wish. Once a piece of shit, always a piece of shit," Kenny spat in his face. "You may not be with your husband anymore, but you will fucking pay for every single second I was forced to endure in prison. I will make you feel every fucking moment of the boredom I felt back there, you disgusting little worm. And then I will throw you back into the business and have you bring me what you owe me. You got it, you fucking–,"

"Stop it!" Levi shouted, unable to struggle anymore as his strength left him, the only thing on his mind being the children, who had probably already woken up in anticipation of food. "Stop it! You don't have any idea–," 

"I think I do, Levi. And I believe _you_ have an idea of what I will do to you."  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, http://haganenoheichou.tumblr.com awaits :) Or just leave a comment here, it would be much appreciated!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All righty, here's the new one!

Hell began anew for Levi Smith. After having been dragged off the street kicking and screaming by one very satisfied Kenny Ackerman, the man had begged his captor to at least let him go and get the children. Levi would have been a fool to think that the criminal had any regard for young lives, but he had been well aware of the fact that without him there to cater to their needs, the two would just die of starvation. Surprisingly enough, Kenny had been overjoyed at the prospect of sharing his quarters with the kids, something about having additional leverage to use against Commander Erwin. Thus, the two had picked up Mikolas and Kara from the inn, gathered Levi's scarce belongings, and gone to a new home: the home of  _Kenny the Ripper_. Levi hated the fact that his children – and he had come to think of Mikolas as his own, at least, in part – would bear witness to the atrocities Kenny committed on a daily basis.

The man's apartment sequestered away in the attic of a small arms shop, was clean, at least, and devoid of the presence of multiple whores Levi recalled from his first stay with Kenny. The man noticed Levi's surprise and mumbled:

“They have their own place. The basement. This way they won’t bring in the disease.”

“Will we have to stay in the basement as well?” Levi asked, clutching the children to his chest protectively. Kenny eyed him for a moment before giving him a sick smirk.

“You will. But the kids will stay up here with me. Well, I’ll tend to your injuries first, and then you can go and join the rest of the filth downstairs. Can’t display damaged merchandise.”

Levi sneered but said nothing. Now that Kenny had the children to blackmail him with, he would keep quiet. For the sake of Kara and Mikolas, he would bear any sort of humiliation Kenny was prone to inflict on his victims – his so-called moneymakers. While the man bandaged up his busted knee, Levi looked around the Spartan room.

“What? The décor not to your liking?” Kenny asked, fingering the wound on Levi’s leg and making him hiss in pain.

“Not my place to like it,” Levi replied, keeping his eyes down.

“Good boy. I see you remember the ways of the place. What did I tell you? Once a whore, always a whore.”

“Kenny–,”

The man eyed him warningly.

“ _Boss_. Just… don’t hurt the kids? All right?” Levi chewed his bottom lip. “I’ll do anything, just… don’t hurt them.”

“What kind of animal do you take me for, Levi?” The man said as he stood to put away the medical supplies. He turned towards the Corporal, eyes dark. “I wouldn’t hurt a child.”

“I don’t want them to grow up like us.”

"There is no us, Levi. I'm a businessman, and you're a whore," Kenny told him as if he were explaining basic concepts of the universe to a small child. "These kids live here now. They will have to learn to survive in the Underground. And you know that there are few ways to survive down here."

Levi sighed. “I know.”

“Kara’s daddy won’t come for her.”

“I know.”

“It’s you who landed them here.”

“I know.”

“You know. You’re a fucking piece of shit parent, Levi.”

“What the fuck was I supposed to do? Stay out of the Walls? Have them die out there? I had nowhere to go. I had no choice.” Levi shot Kenny a look. “You had a choice.”

“That being?”

“You could have let me go.”

“Not my style, darling. You owe me.”

“I don’t owe you  _shit_ ,” Levi spat. “You took everything from me.”

“No, I  _gave_ you everything. Think about it; you would have never met the good Commander if it wasn't for me. "

"So I should be grateful that you sold me and then left me out to die above ground like an animal?"

“Hey, don’t you fucking argue about my matchmaking skills,” Kenny said warningly. “You get what you deserve. You’re trash.”

“I know that.”

“So what’s the fucking problem?”

"These kids aren't trash. They weren't meant to end up here." Levi paused, contemplating what he was about to say. "Take them back to Erwin and Jean when the time is right. Please. I'll stay here; I'll earn you money, just… don't keep them here. They don't deserve this. Not because I made some bad choices. Not because you did, either."

Kenny seemed to think about it. “Fine. I assume the Military Police is still looking for them? And you? I heard they took that Titan brat of yours into custody.”

“Yes. So we need to wait–,”

“ _We_ don’t need to do anything. I’ll take care of it. You have my word. Now go downstairs, the day’s about to start.”       

“I suppose I can’t ask more of you.”

"I guess not." Kenny took the children from Levi's arms decisively, and the former Corporal's heart clenched. He detested the sight of the small kids in this scum's hands. He would find a way to send a message to Erwin when he deemed it safe. That was the least he could do. "Now go."

As Levi descended into the basement, he felt like he was going straight to hell. And he was right – the mundanity of eternal hellfire was just the way he perceived his being here, in the Underground. Every night, the customers would come to the house, with whores like him lined up in the back alley, waiting for money to come in and offer itself for a quick fuck. From time to time, Levi would catch a glimpse of the children, whenever Kenny thought it right to remind him of his position in the house. Though he was decent to Mikolas and Kara, the older man had not shown any kindness to the former Corporal since that very first day. Levi was treated equally – just like the rest of the walking sex products that Kenny Ackerman offered to his sleazy clients. Every day was the same, catering to the needs of the wanton men that crowded Kenny's doorway for a piece of ass. Soon, Levi regained his footing in this world, working hard and reminding himself that this was the only way for him to get back on top of the food chain. The other boys sensed the competition, and they regarded Levi with a steely caution that left him friendless. It paid, off, though, at the end, when one day, Kenny Ackerman strolled into the whores' headquarters, eyes shining with mirth.

“The Military Police is hosting another  _party_. They want your company. They only asked for the best of the flock, so I'm taking Screamer, Johnson, and Levi with me. The rest of you watch and learn how it's done, you filthy animals."

Whispers of outrage broke out among the more experienced of the lot:  _Levi, he’s only been here for a short time, why the hell is he allowed to go and not me? Fucking Levi–,_

“Silence!”

While the other two seemed relieved at the prospect of servicing someone  _higher_ that the disgusting men that flooded the Underground, Levi couldn’t help but feel apprehension. The last time he’d been at one of those parties, he had ended up discarded in a dirty alleyway, bleeding and freezing to death. Until Erwin Smith had come along and offered him something he’d never seen before in his entire worthless life: kindness. This time, Levi knew, there would be no such thing. The MP’s were bound to recognize him, and then their entire plan would be–

“Here, put this on.” Kenny thrust something into Levi’s hands, immediately retracting his hands as if he were scared of catching a disease Levi bore. “They don’t want to see your fucking faces. They just want your  _skills_ , if you catch my drift.”

A mask. Of course. Kenny wouldn't just expose him. Kenny wanted money. And Levi equaled money; the older man knew that much from their long experience of  _working_ together.

"Now, Levi." Kenny threaded his fingers in Levi's hair, tugging on it painfully. "You be a good little boy and just do as the real protectors of  _justice_ say. No need to get all touchy about the fact that you’re the Commander’s  _wife_ , is there?”

Levi nodded in spite of the pain.

“Good. Now get yourself cleaned up and be ready to go out in an hour.”

 _So soon?_ Levi wanted to ask; yet he said nothing as he trudged back to the back room, where a barrel of cold, relatively clean water awaited him. He took a brush and scrubbed his nails violently, but not hard enough for them to bleed. He couldn’t injure himself, or Kenny would have his head. Or worse yet, that of his children. He wondered what Kara and Mikolas were like now, and his chest seized up at the thought of the two growing into the hardened criminals such as himself and his master.  _Keep quiet and work hard enough, maybe he will let you go,_ he told himself silently. He could feel the other boys’ eyes on him as he washed, and though they knew nothing of the arrangement between Kenny and him, he still felt uneasy. The whores were a vengeful breed, and if he were to threaten their standing again, there would be hell to pay. And his children wouldn’t be the ones paying.

As soon as he was ready, Levi put on the mask, feeling the cold anonymity slide into place comfortably. Kenny tied their hands behind their backs in case they tried anything  _funny_ – which was hilarious in itself, because the man practically  _ran_ the Underground, and there was no getting away from him, not really. Slowly, they made their way to the nearest staircase, which, Levi had found out, was also run by his master through a third party. They walked up until their leg muscles hurt, and were greeted by the harsh light of the setting sun. The other boys squinted uncomfortably at the unusual brightness, yet Levi welcomed it. He felt his eyes tear up, refusing to obey his will, but he stared on at the crimson streaks that painted the blue sky with rivulets of blood. Even when he finally looked away, he could still feel the pain of being on the surface engrained onto the back of his eyelids.

A nondescript wooden carriage awaited them, and Kenny herded them inside like cattle. The ride to whatever venue they were going to was silent, each of the men seemingly lost in thought. The boys were, no doubt, plotting how to get the most attention from their new clients – if they were liked, the possibility of the MP's asking for them again would rise exponentially. Levi knew better than that: the prospects of becoming courtesans for the military policemen were slim to none. After all, if they wanted real escorts, they would have easily hired someone from the surface. No, this was meant to be a party unlike the ones Levi had attended as Erwin Smith's wife, this was intended to be a feast of carnal pleasures and inequity that were impermissible yet tolerated within the upper echelons of the Military Police.

They arrived at a mansion Levi had seen before when he had visited the capital, and his stomach seized up at the thought of the person who owned it. Of course, Nile Dok would be one to hire Underground whores as an exotic form of entertainment for his guests. Of course, Levi just had to have been  _cordially invited_ to the event. Of course, he would have to prostitute himself to those Nile Dok considered allies – because the man didn’t have friends. Levi’s thoughts went out to Dok’s wife, and he felt pity for the woman. It was without doubt that she knew of her husband’s proclivities, yet she was forced to stay silent, just like the multitude of officers’ wives within the Walls. That had been one of the things that Levi had treasured about his relationship with Erwin: they had been honest with each other. Faithful, even. The entire time that they had been married, Levi had never even considered straying. Yes, he had hated Erwin for what he had done to him, resented the Commander for essentially making him a  _pet_ , but he had not had a single thought of infidelity. Whether it was because he had been in love with Erwin since the very start, unconsciously, at least, or whether he simply respected the man too much to lend him such questionable favors, he didn’t know.

Kenny led them to the front door and then down the long, lavishly decorated corridor until they stopped in front of what Levi knew to be the salon.

“Now, you boys behave yourselves, why don’t you?”

The three nodded quietly. Work, get paid, leave. The tips would go to Kenny, no questions asked. That was the way the Ackerman establishment worked.

The door swung open, and Levi's nostrils were assailed with the smell of smoking herbs and alcohol and sweat. He saw the men lounging around the room lazily, their eyes unfocused. The host swam into view past the veil of steam and odor and looked them over.

“Good enough,” he told Kenny without giving Levi a second glance.  _Thank Sina_ , Levi exhaled, knowing that the man would probably be too drunk to pay close attention to him soon. As he looked past Kenny’s elbow at the rest of the guests, his eyes landed on the tall figure in the corner, halfway concealed in the shadows of the curtains, a glass of something, untouched, positioned strategically in his hand. The man turned, and Levi saw that the glass was, in fact, seated within the hold of the man’s  _only_ hand.

  _Erwin._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop me a line :) Here or at haganenoheichou.tumblr.com, a comment to either one is welcome and venerated!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The party continues! Here you go, my loves, another chapter of our story :)

“ _Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance!”_

The beat of the men’s voices reverberated in Levi’s bones as his  _colleagues_ and he took the floor. The night had been peaceful, as peaceful as a night full of sex, drugs and alcohol could be, with most of the higher echelon of the Military Police in attendance. Then, the host had drunkenly offered a vote on what the guests wanted the whores to do next. Apparently, they took pleasure in watching young men move to the rhythm of the music that was rarely played aboveground, the music of the lowlife people whom they had abandoned underneath their feet. As Levi moved to the beat of the tambourine one of the boys wielded, his calm eyes surveyed the audience, and he was glad that the mask hid the expression of disgust his face took on. To these men, they were exotic animals,  _things_ that were used for visual pleasure and sex, something  _different_ , something that would take them away from their boring lives with their spouses within the comfortable confines of the Inner Wall. Most of these men were married, a lot of them even had children, and yet here they were, partaking in the drinks and sight of Kenny’s  _merchandise_.

His gaze turned to the one quiet figure that stood separate from the rest of the men who had flocked together to get a closer look at the dancers. Erwin was resolute, with only his drink for company, his expression somber and unreadable, as it would be during a formal meeting. It was clear that he was not here of his own will. Perhaps the capital had put pressure on him to make an appearance at these kinds of functions. Maybe he had come to drown his failed marriage in the atmosphere of inequity that reigned here. Either way, the man was not enjoying himself, and Levi felt a tingle of pride at the thought.  _This_ was the man he’d married.

Suddenly, their eyes met, and Levi nearly stumbled over his steps. He tore his gaze away with difficulty, thinking hard. He had not anticipated seeing Erwin, not here, not now.  _Should I try to make contact? Would he even want me back after this? Would he be able to?_ Thoughts were rampant in his head as he lost himself in the dance, allowing the motions to take him away. He would think about it later.

The dance turned into another one, and then another – and soon the Military Police joined them on the dance-floor as well, their grubby hands reaching out to touch the whores. Levi ignored them without protesting their actions; he did his job with no particular enthusiasm, his mind racing. Erwin did not dance; instead, he just stood where he had been since the moment of Levi's arrival, drink in hand. The former Corporal felt Erwin's eyes on him even as he turned away. Finally, the music died down, and the men of the Military Police cheered loudly, their whooping voices almost deafening.

The room dissolved into small groups, and the boys went off to join them, giggling and sipping at the men's drinks flirtatiously, all teasing glances and cutely lewd comments. With a shuddering breath, Levi made his way towards the end of the room to take a breather. As he flexed his tired knees, he looked sideways at the Commander of the Survey Corps. A sigh and an inner struggle later, he was taking a glass of wine with him to the man. The blond barely spared him a glance as he sat down on the windowsill next to him.

“Not your kind of party?” Levi whispered to conceal his voice. Erwin seemed to startle when the former Corporal addressed him. He gave the whore a resigned look.

“Not really.”

"You're not one of them," Levi said, deciding to play dumb for a while. Maybe he'd be able to approach the topic from an angle that would not leave both of them incredibly vulnerable. Erwin gave him a questioning look, and Levi pointed at his uniform jacket. "You don't have that weird horse thing on your emblem."

"I don't," Erwin muttered, eyes fixed on Levi's mask. "I have the Wings of Freedom. I'm in the Survey Corps if that means anything to you."

“It does. I’m not completely ignorant of what happens aboveground,” Levi replied quietly with a scoff. Erwin only nodded, looking away, and the former Corporal’s heart clenched.  _He doesn’t see who I am._

“So you’re one of those suicidal bastards who actually go beyond the Walls?”

“I am  _the_ suicidal bastard,” Erwin said with a hint of authority in his voice, almost as if he were challenging Levi to say something against the Scouting Legion. “I’m in charge.”

“Don’t tell me,” Levi said, as he shifted, laying it on thick. He reached out to pat Erwin’s chest. The man’s muscles tensed up underneath his touch. “I’ve caught myself a Commander.”

“I’m afraid I am taken,” Erwin said gently yet firmly as he grasped Levi’s hand and pushed it away from him. He raised the cuff of his shirt and displayed the silver bonding bracelet. “Married.”

Levi felt his own bracelet’s weight beneath his leather wristband. Kenny had been unable to come up with a way to take it off without severely injuring him, so he just made the former Corporal cover it up. “Happily, I assume?”

“Mostly,” Erwin said, his mouth twitching at the corners. “We have our moments.”

“Kids?”

“One.”

 _He’s talking about me as if I’m still here,_ Levi thought, and his lungs constricted.  _As if we are still together._

“He’s a lucky guy, then.”

Erwin gave him a strange look. “How did you know my spouse is a man?”

 _Shit,_ Levi thought, his breath hitching. Gay marriage was prohibited unless one of the partners was a bearer.

"Please, you're gay as blazes. It's the eyebrows. Too groomed," he said, trying to sound casual. "Plus, it's kind of my job to know who's a potential client. And you told me you had a kid. So I did the math."

“Right,” Erwin said slowly. “Er, well, I told you I’m not interested, so what are you still doing with me?”

“Maybe this is the only intelligent conversation I’ve found in this room,” Levi said, leaning back against the window.

“Oh? You’re kind of…  _atypical_ for a whore.” Erwin’s eyes widened. “I didn’t mean any disrespect, forgive me. I’ve only met one of your kind once.”

_Yes, and it was me._

“You’re kind of atypical for a military commander, baby,” the former Corporal shot back, eyes glinting. Being back with Erwin, engaging in this banter, it was almost as if he were home again, back at the castle, together again with his Squad, with his husband, and their child. It was almost as if Eren Jäger were not–  _oh._

"So tell me, how's that Titan shifter of yours doing?" He asked casually, trying not to sound too anxious to hear news of Eren's arrest. "Heard you got an impressive specimen."

“I wasn’t aware that the underground engaged in gossip.”

“Oh, we do,” Levi assured him. “When the old wives heard about that nugget, they couldn’t let it go for weeks. Drug-dealers even started selling fake Titan serums to naïve bastards who were stupid enough to believe them. It was a fucking mess. So how is this pet Titan of yours?”

"You're awfully pushy," Erwin said. "Eren's doing… Ah, he's doing fine. A short tenure in the Military Police cell some months ago made him lose some weight, but he's back on missions. Working through some personal issues at the moment."

“Typical hero behavior. Humanity’s last hope, huh?”

“I guess you could say that.” Erwin looked towards the whore. “You remind me of someone.”

_I knew you would say that, you cliché bastard._

“Hm? And who would that be?”

“My spouse, actually. You’re short like he is.”

_Fuck you too._

“Us Underground kids are like that. But I assume you’re married to some pampered little boy from the capital,” Levi said, almost having slipped up. He wasn’t supposed to know much about Erwin’s personal life.

“Actually, my Levi… he was… he  _is_ from the Underground, too. I got him out of there when I realized that he was the best damn flyer I’ve ever seen,” Erwin said fondly. He sighed and took a sip of his drink. “A free spirit in every sense of the word.”

"Well, that's definitely not something we have in common." Erwin raised an eyebrow. Levi pointed to his mask. "I'm a whore, remember? I don't exactly call the shots in my life. Kenny owns me."

"Ah, that's right," Erwin said, his face almost… sad? "How did you get yourself into this, if you don't mind me asking? I had Kenny jailed, but it seems he can't be kept behind bars... Not surprising that the MP's would exchange his freedom for his services. He's a despicable human being."

“I made some stupid decisions when I was young, grew desperate for money, and then my current master decided I have been free for far too long. I let him blackmail me.”

“You don’t seem like the type of person who’d do that.”

“I would do anything for my children,” Levi replied shortly. Erwin hummed, nodding, his back stiff. It was obvious that the topic of children was a touchy one.  _I wonder why,_ Levi mused to himself. He leaned forward to place a hand on Erwin’s arm. “You’re a good father, I’m sure.”

“What?” Erwin stared at him. “Why would you say that?”

“Because you have that look on your face. As if you don’t… as if something is wrong back home and you don’t know how to fix it.”

“You’re insightful.” The Commander sighed. “Truth is… my bonded and I are… separated.”

“Oh, trouble in paradise?”

"I don't… no, that's not the reason. We… he was forced to leave me, and now he's missing," Erwin confessed, apparently conflicted as to why he was getting so personal with a rent boy. "He took our child and ran. And I haven't seen him since. I don't even know if he's alive."

His hand clenched around the glass so hard that Levi was afraid he would break it. With a moment’s hesitation, the younger man reached for his mask, intent on removing it, his eyes fixed on Erwin’s blue irises.

“You! Get the fuck over here!” Levi felt a strong hand close around his forearm and turned to see Kenny glare down at him. “That’s enough flirting with the Commander, he’s  _married_ , you wench.”

Levi looked back towards Erwin, eyes blown wide with fear before he dropped his gaze. He bowed his head, a perfect picture of submission, though on the inside he was seething. He was so close. He was sure Erwin would do something about this situation of his, that Erwin would try to rescue him, maybe come up with a plan to get the children away from Kenny, but now…

“Don’t think I don’t know what you were doing,” Kenny told Levi firmly. Levi knew he couldn’t run the risk of exposing the former Corporal in front of his husband and losing a good means of profit. So the older man simply tugged on his arm and led him away, leaving Erwin staring after the two of them. The criminal led Levi into a small alcove and slammed his back against the wall soundly, making Levi wince.

“I will not let you ruin my business, boy. You’re a fucking whore now, just like you were meant to be, so don’t you even think of running to that husband of yours, or I swear to Sina, I will go back down to the Underground and slit your brats’ throats, you got it?”

Levi could only nod. Kenny let go of him, seemingly satisfied. “Now go ahead, Dok wants to get a taste of the merchandise before the party ends. And don’t you go near the good Commander, or that fucking kid of yours will pay.”

Levi gave the man a scathing glance but relented. He spent the rest of the evening sitting in Dok’s lap and silently wishing him a painful death, his entire body aching to get his disgusting hands off his skin. He felt Erwin watch his every move, and he was surprised that the man had not gone home sooner. His eyes would slip to the Commander once in a while, and he wanted to scream, to shout, to pound his fists against the walls and tell him that he was  _here_. But Kenny hovered over him, disturbed by how quickly Levi had charmed the Commander, not allowing them to make any contact throughout the rest of the night.

Soon, it was time to leave, and Levi was growing more and more desperate by the second. Terrified that he would miss his opportunity, he glanced back at Erwin just as Kenny was rounding the other two up, leading them away from their customers. The boys went reluctantly, putting on virginal airs even as the men patted their behinds and made crude jokes.  _I don’t belong here,_ Levi thought, and as Kenny gestured for him to get away from Nile and move towards the exit, his breath hitched, mind reeling. Desperately, he climbed off Nile’s lap to the man’s protest and his eyes met Erwin’s again. Making sure that Kenny had turned away for a moment, he unclasped the leather cuff around his wrist and exposed his bracelet. As his master led the way towards the exit, his hands clasped around a hefty bag full of coins, Levi gave Erwin a wave goodbye, the silver on his wrist glinting in the candlelight. The last thing he saw before the doors closed behind them were Erwin’s wide blue eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hesitate to drop a line here or visit my tumblr @ haganenoheichou.tumblr.com


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you, my lovelies, in honor of a long-awaited Eruri reunion in the new chapter :)

Levi was having a difficult time adjusting back to Underground life after seeing Erwin at that damned party. Though caution had been necessary at the time, he regretted his decision not to have exposed his identity to Erwin sooner. He was back in the recesses of the Underground city, plundering through each day of work as if he were stepping through a particularly cumbersome swamp. Before, when he had been a whore in his younger days, he had almost enjoyed having so much control over other men's pleasure. The richer ones would shower him with gifts, some of which he had been allowed to keep. The poorer people simply rewarded them with their lust-filled glances and labored breathing every time he did something that would make them reach the edge. Now, however, even though he still did his job to the best of his abilities, there was nothing in it for him. Not a single tingle of self-satisfaction; in fact, he felt dirty thinking about the things he was doing with faceless customers. He should have done those things with his husband when he'd had the chance, but he had been too frightened and too blinded by his own ego to see what was apparently obvious to everyone: he was in love with Erwin Smith.

It wasn't that he went to sleep and woke up with the thought of Erwin every day, though that was the partial cause for his frustration. It was the fact that he was talented. He was  _good_ in bed, as many of the customers had told him and continued to tell him every other hour or so. It was the fact that he had never shown Erwin the delicious, dirty things he was capable of, instead of opting to play the resolute, proud trophy wife. He wondered many times whether Erwin had ever considered just taking what he was entitled to, forcing him to do his marital duties; yet he couldn't imagine Erwin Smith as being that kind of person. The Commander of the Survey Corps was renowned for his noble beliefs, his gentle disposition ­– at least, when it didn't come down to politics. Levi questioned himself at night when everyone else had already gone to bed, whether he had simply been scared of committing so much to the only person in the world that made him feel like he was worth something.

A week after the party had taken place, as Levi washing off the residue his latest customer had left on him, Kenny walked into the bathing chamber unceremoniously and tossed a towel at the former Corporal’s naked form.

"Get ready; we've got another rich bastard for you."

“Great,” Levi whispered under his breath as he quickly finished scrubbing the evidence of sex from his skin. He took the towel and wiped himself dry. He reached for the bottle of perfume he kept to smell fresh. As he sprayed some of it onto the side of his neck, he glanced at his master expectantly. “So, who is it this time?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. Paid me enough to have you rest comfortably for a week,” Kenny replied with a shrug. Upon seeing Levi’s raised eyebrow, the man chuckled. “Not that it’s going to happen. You’re apparently quite the whore. Always knew I could rely on your taking it up the ass to get good money.”

The man stepped forward and placed his fingers on Levi’s bare hips. The former Corporal fought an urge to shrink away from the touch, wanting nothing more but to slit the throat of the man who had ensnared him in this world once more.

“Do you enjoy it?” Kenny breathed into his ear, the stench of his words making Levi turn his head away. “Do you like the way they worship your ass? The way they are willing to pay more than for any of the boys combined just to get an hour of your time? You have to admit it’s flattering.”

“I do what I have to do,” Levi responded tonelessly. “A job is a job. You taught me that. The hard way.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t feel proud of yourself? I remember how a younger Levi would strut the streets of the Underground in nothing but a fucking unbuttoned shirt and seduce men to leave their wives and come here.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“You’re like a good bottle of wine, Levi,” Kenny said, stepping away from him and allowing him to throw on the thin robe he wore to greet his customers. The man glanced up and down him appreciatively in a way that made the former Corporal want to run and hide. Kenny Ackerman was no rapist: he never partook in any of his merchandise, yet the way he would eat them up with his eyes, staring at them as one would at an expensive horse, made Levi feel dirty on a wholly different level. “You only get better with age.”

"One day I won't be as young and cute as I am now," Levi replied, feeling the weight of the life he'd led on his shoulders. "Then what will you do?"

“I suppose then you’ll be free to go die in a fucking ditch.”

“I assumed that would be the case.” Levi nodded thoughtfully. He didn’t care much for his own life; it was the issue of the children that concerned him the most. He had not seen them for days now, and it was quite taxing to think that Kenny was alone with the two kids. “Chances are, you’ll grow older faster. Maybe then we’ll revisit this conversation.”

"Perhaps. But until then, you have a job to do, and I have money to count. Go show him what he's paying a hefty sum of money for. So far we've had no complaints, and you better keep it that way." Kenny slapped Levi on the ass, and the Corporal granted him a death-glare before walking upstairs to one of the  _visitation rooms_ , as Kenny affectionately called them. He sighed as he opened the door, pulling on what he hoped looked like a charming smile.

On the bed, sat a tall man in a cloak, his face hidden by a hood that hung loosely over his features, exposing absolutely nothing. Levi had to suppress a groan: it was another one of those freaks that thought they could stay anonymous while they fucked him: people of high standing, those who had wives and children. Nevertheless, a job is a job, Levi reminded himself as he stepped into the room and locked the door behind him. The customer said nothing and Levi decided to take the lead, slinking over to the man's side with catlike grace and settling onto the floor in front of the hooded figure. His knees hit the hardwood, and he placed his hand on the man's knee. The fabric beneath his fingers was soft, very unlike the coarse material commoners and underground men used for their clothing. It was a nice earthy color too, not a dull gray or dark brown that was the cheapest and most common to buy.

"You asked for me," Levi murmured, keeping his face down. If the man wanted to stay unidentified, then he would grant him that privilege. The customer got what he wanted at Kenny's whorehouse; otherwise, the service provider would get starved and flogged. "I need you to show me what you like. What you want. I am willing to do anything Kenny has discussed with you."

Though his master was a brute, he was very cautious about damaging the goods, so he enforced strict rules on the extent of violence the customers could use on the workers. Levi heard the man sigh heavily and kept his head down, examining the minuscule pattern on the client's pants.

“I don’t think Kenny and I discussed what I really want.”

 _That voice._ Levi's eyes widened, and before he could react, he felt a big warm hand on the side of his face, pulling him upwards to face the man.

“I don’t think Kenny would take kindly to what I want to get from here. You.”

Levi found himself on the verge of a nervous breakdown as he stared into the clear blue eyes of Commander Erwin Smith. His breath stilling in his chest, he simply stared at his husband, unable to form a single sentence. Erwin seemed to understand and reached forward to grab the hair at the nape of Levi's neck and pull him closer to press his lips against Levi's. The former Corporal gasped into the kiss, his mouth tingling. Kenny did not allow them to kiss their customers – not that they would ever want to do it, considering the fact that they were mostly scoundrels and criminals.

This kiss was different from their last one: deep, slow, passionate but in a way that left Levi hanging. The former Corporal sighed gently against his husband’s lips before pulling away.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” he whispered, unable to get enough of Erwin. Even though they had interacted – sort of – just the week before, it was as if he hadn’t seen the Commander for years, decades even. He traced his fingers over the blond man’s cheekbones, his nose, his brows, mapping out every single thing he’d dreamt of seeing throughout the months he’d spent here, in the Underground, alone and surrounded by people who… were not Erwin. “I thought I was–,”

“I’m here now,” Erwin told him firmly, his hand locked around the back of Levi’s neck gently. “You look…”

“Terrible, I know,” Levi sighed. “Can’t blame you if you want to leave me here. I’m already half-rotten.”

“Never,” the Commander said, eyes troubled. “Where are the children?”

"With Kenny. He took them away from me the second I got here. Threatened to kill them if I didn't do my job properly," Levi said, realizing after a moment what had just come out of his mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the stinging at the corners to go away. He wanted to turn his head; to not allow Erwin to see this display, but the man kept a steady hold on him, so all he could do was not look his husband in the eye. "I am so sorry, Erwin. I was unfaithful to you. So many times. I just… There was no other way out for me."

“You did what you had to do.”

“I should have escaped–,”

"And risked Kara and Mikolas getting killed? No, Levi, you did what you had to do. Just what you had to do," Erwin repeated over and over, like a prayer, and the former Corporal let out a broken, choked sound before losing his composure completely. Months' worth of unshed tears and repressed feelings crashed the floodgate, and he grasped onto Erwin's waist as if it were a lifeline as he sobbed into the man's knees, babbling nonsense about the things he'd done, the things he had been expected to do. He felt Erwin's hand relax in his hair and start carding through it, bringing about a fresh onslaught of tears. "I don't deserve your understanding."

“You saved our child from being killed, Levi. The capital would have murdered Kara in cold blood. We just managed to free Eren not a couple of months ago, and now the King has been found dead in his bedchamber–,”

“The King is dead?” Levi looked up, wide-eyed.

“You didn’t know?” Erwin asked. His wife shook his head miserably. Had he known that the King was dead, he would have probably attempted to make a run for it. As it was, the only news the boys at the whorehouse got were the news that Kenny thought they needed to know. Apparently, the murder of the ruler of the land was not a big deal, at least, not in Kenny’s opinion.

"Who's the King now?" Levi asked, afraid of the answer he could receive. Erwin gave him a small smile, and Levi's heart clenched in his chest. How he'd missed that smile.

"There is no King. Zackley's taken over control. It was a military coup, staged in conjunction with the Garrison," the Commander told him, and Levi felt his stomach drop as if he had fallen off a particularly high Wall. "We are in charge now, my love."

"How can you call me that, after everything?" Levi whispered. "Sina, I did… I cheated on you so many times. I endangered your child, I almost got Kara and Mikolas killed and–,"

"And nothing. I love you, Levi. I am only sorry for one thing. That I didn't find you sooner. We were planning on staging the coup for months, but Eren was released, and we had to make sure that nobody knew of our plans… all the while, I had our people scout the forest for any sign of you and the children… and then finally, on the night of the King's murder, I was building my alibi and attending a party with the Military Police. Imagine my surprise when I saw you dance."

“I couldn’t run then.”

“I know that,” Erwin whispered, pulling Levi close and enveloping him in a one-armed embrace. “I know that, Levi. But you did well. So, so well.”

"We need to get out of here," Levi whispered. "I can't… We need to get Kara and Mikolas and run."

“We don’t have to run anymore. The government is on our side. Our soldiers are arresting Kenny as we speak.”

“The Military Police?”

“The Survey Corps.”

_Our soldiers. My soldiers._

“Let’s go get our daughter.” Erwin stood and stretched out his hand, offering Levi a way up.

“And after that?” Levi asked as he righted himself, wiping his face.

“We go home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop me a line? 
> 
> I'm at haganenoheichou.tumblr.com if you want to talk OTP's.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter. Un-betaed, as always :)

Levi struggled to open his eyes. There was a heaviness in the air as if oxygen had suddenly become a matter of luxury. He turned to look sideways, his face feeling the distinct pattern of the pillow imprint on his cheek. Strange.

“You’re up.”

 _Was I ever down?_ He wanted to ask, his mind blanking for a moment as he attempted to recollect what had happened to him the day before. There was almost nothing to hinge on. He remembered living in the Underground; having been taken back under Kenny’s wing – at least that was what the man had called indentured servitude that he had forced Levi to undergo for the sake of his children.

His children! Levi stirred, attempting to sit up but a firm hand on his chest prevented him from doing so. His eyes focused on the face of his husband, Commander Erwin Smith, who was looking down at him with a concerned expression on his face. Slowly, memories wafted back into his head, gradually falling together into a puzzle that Levi wasn’t sure he wanted to solve.

"What happened?" He asked. His voice sounded hoarse, and his chest hurt. Almost as if–,

"You were shot," Erwin murmured. Levi saw the bags under his eyes and exhaled. It was clear that the older man hadn't slept for a while, which was a surprise to him. Erwin, as self-destructive as he was psychologically, had never been one to neglect his own body. Levi raised an eyebrow to urge his husband to go on talking, eager to hear the details of how he had ended up in this bed. "We came for you to the Underground, remember? I… I _hired_ you. And then we went to get the children from Kenny.”

* * *

 

Levi and Erwin ran through the open door, stopping at the sight of Kenny pressing a gun to Kara’s forehead, holding her tightly to his chest. The infant was crying, weeping loudly, hysterically, scared and cold. Levi had to hold himself back as he noted the condition that she was in: dirty, wrapped in a soiled sheet that looked like it had seen much better days.

“Don’t come near me!” Kenny yelled to the Survey Corps soldiers who all stood at the opposite wall, shocked into a frozen stupor. Their guns were all piled on the floor, and their hands were posed at the backs of their necks. They knew that Kenny was not above killing the children; Erwin had made that much clear during the briefing. Levi’s eyes slid to Kenny’s left, where Mikolas sat in a makeshift pram, eyes wide and wet with tears. Kenny saw the look on his face and grinned, a sick grimace twisting his face.

“Don’t you dare come near me, Levi, or I will blow your brat’s head off!”

Both Erwin and Levi stopped, eyes fixed on the horrible sight before them. There was no way they could stop a bullet from piercing their daughter’s skull. There was no way that Erwin could tie the man up unless he was able to disarm him first.

"Calm down, Kenny. You're surrounded, you have nowhere to go," came the Commander's deep voice from behind Levi. The dark-haired man turned to look at him, and what he saw shocked him. Erwin's face was a mask of helpless rage, a scared, agonized expression that his husband had never seen him wear before. The skin around the Commander's eyes was taught, white with fear. His jaw was set, locked into a position of incredible nervousness. His lips were shaking, a wobbling line that made him look older than he was. This was not the expression that Erwin had whenever he went into battle. Titans were easy. Titans were a familiar enemy, they were almost comfortable, as they knew what they did and how they did it. Even the Abnormal ones were predictable to an extent. This was a human being. A sick, demented human being who was threatening the life of Erwin's only child. It was at that moment Levi knew that this could not be solved by rationality, at least not on the Commander's part.

The shorter man took a slow step towards Kenny and the man cocked the gun with a menacing click that spurred Erwin to movement, only to make him freeze yet again as his blue eyes found Kenny’s.

“Stop, princess. You know that I’ll do it. You  _know_ it,” Kenny said with a disgusting smile on his face that made Levi feel physically ill. He glanced sideways at the small group of soldiers Erwin had brought with him, none of them their friends, but all bearing familiar faces that Levi had longed to see for months now. This was his chance to go home. His chance to make his screw-ups right again. His chance to make it up to Erwin for all they had lost together. He took a shaky breath in and leaned back on his heel, indicating that he was not going to advance any further.

"I know you will. You're just that kind of sick bastard," he murmured, eyes fixed on Kenny's. "Give us the children, and we will leave. You will never have to see us again."

"You don't have the authority to make such decisions. You're the good Commander's lapdog," Kenny told him and Levi pursed his lips nervously. This was how Kenny Ackerman saw him. This was how he had seen Levi from the very start, ever since they had met at the King's ball over a year ago. Before, he had been Kenny's lapdog, after all, and the man didn't particularly enjoy having his toys taken away.

"The Commander will do anything you say, as long as you don't harm the children," Levi said quietly. He felt Erwin shift behind him, but he didn't spare a glance at the blond. There was no time for negotiations. Kenny could decide that he had grown weary of dancing around, and then he would shoot Kara without a single thought. Sure, he'd get murdered then, without any leverage to protect himself, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't go for it. The man was pathologically bored. And bored psychopaths had no moral reservations about dying for the sake of a fix.

“See, I don’t really know what I want,” Kenny replied, cocking his head to the side. “I was perfectly fine living in my underground hell with you as my bitch and your kids as my trading token for your services. And then your husband here just had to swoop in to save the day and ruin all my fun.”

“How about this then?” Levi asked, his voice shaking. There had to be another way of doing this, there just  _had_ to be, but they had their hands tied and their time was limited. He put up his hands in defeat. "You give Erwin the children, and I will stay here with you. No leverage needed. Just like old times."

“Levi, this is–,”

"Shut up, Erwin. It's not your call," Levi said sharply. He didn't look back at his husband, as he couldn't bear to see the disappointment in his eyes. "The children were my responsibility. I fucked up. I have to pay the price for it. They are too young to die, and you fucking know it."

“Oh, kitty’s got claws,” Kenny chuckled. Levi could see him tighten his grip on the gun as he seemed to ponder the offer. “Don’t tell me you’d rather stay here with me than go back to living as the Commander’s little  _wife_?”

“I’d rather see your face every single day for the rest of my life than see my children get killed because you’re a piece of shit,” Levi replied without veiling what he really thought of Kenny. The man knew, after all, what Levi’s opinion of him was, he’d made it quite clear the first time they had met in the Underground after the dark-haired man had returned here. “Kenny–,”

“How’s about a deal, sweetheart?” Kenny asked. Levi perked up but the criminal did not look at him, he looked past his shoulder at Erwin who was still frozen on the spot. “You take your fucking brats and get the hell out of here. I get to keep the wifey.”

“There is no way–,”

“It’s not your fucking call, Erwin,” Levi growled. He heard Erwin inhale sharply behind him and waited for the other shoe to drop. “Take the kids and run, that’s what you told me. Well, that’s what I’m telling you now. Cut the noble husband act. Take Kara, take Mikolas and leave.”

"You'll never see him again, of course," Kenny supplied smugly. "I will be very careful not to have the princess attend any parties with you in attendance. I've had enough trouble with my whores getting sentimental; I don't need another fucking family reunion."

“Kenny–,”

"That's Mister Ackerman to you, Erwin," the man said warningly, his gun still fixed on Kara's head. The child had calmed down a little, or maybe just tired herself out, as what escaped her now were tiny little whimpers. Mikolas watched the entire exchange with wide eyes, apparently confused. Levi's heart clenched when he considered these kids' innocence. They had no idea what was going on in front of their eyes. They had no idea what was about to happen.

“Erwin, say yes.”

Levi felt the Commander’s hands on his shoulders as Erwin spun him around to face him. He stubbornly kept his gaze on Erwin’s chest, too ashamed to look up at his husband. He realized just how much trust Erwin placed in him: he had come to seek out Levi even despite the fact that he had come to see what Levi did for Kenny. He had come to get them even though he knew that Levi had committed the crime of taking their children down to this hellhole. He had come to find Levi even though he could have easily taken another wife and had much fewer problems. But Erwin Smith was not that kind of man. Erwin Smith was bloody noble, honorable to a fault.

“I love you, Levi.”

Levi felt a finger rest underneath his chin, and he finally made himself look up to see Erwin's face. The blue eyes were swimming with moisture, and the former Corporal almost felt his heart break physically. He had done this to them. He had made Erwin into this helpless person, this… this husband, this father, this bloody hostage.

“I love you, too,” he replied, voice trembling as the words deserted him. It sounded hollow to his ears: there were no words in this universe to express it more truthfully. What he felt for Erwin at that moment, with all the chess pieces collapsing under the weight of the overturned board, what he felt upon seeing Erwin’s tears and hearing the older man say those three words, it was more than love. It was  _being_.

“Very touching. Now, how’s about that deal?”

Kenny’s voice made them startle out of their reverie. Levi turned back around only to feel Erwin’s hand on his shoulder. It tightened its hold for a second before slackening almost entirely, a small weight that kept him anchored in the face of the deadly threat that was Kenny Ackerman.

“Fine.”

Levi closed his eyes. Even though he’d wanted Erwin to say it, it still hurt. Because that meant that Erwin was resigned. That meant that there was nothing else the two of them could do but to part ways right here and now. He thought of the things they hadn’t done up to this point, and his chest tightened painfully even more. They had wasted so much time arguing, feeling sorry for themselves, that they had been entirely blind to what they were actually dealing with. They were meant to be. Meant to have met. Meant to be together. Meant to have Kara. Meant to have parted their ways in such a manner. Meant to have seen each other for a brief five minutes, a small comfort that would be taken away forever. They were meant not to survive this. Not as a couple.

"Then I will have Levi, and then you'll have your babies," Kenny said, his voice gravely. He kept one hand on the gun and motioned for Levi to come forth with the other.

"Do I get a goodbye, at least?" The short man asked, not trusting himself just to scream fuck all and attack the criminal. Kenny regarded him for a moment before nodding.

“I pity you suckers. Make it quick before I change my mind. Or you’ll have two pretty little corpses on your hands.”

Levi turned back to Erwin and embraced him with all he could, standing on his toes to wind his arms around his husband’s neck. He felt Erwin’s arm twist around his waist. The Commander leaned down slightly so that Levi could place his chin on Erwin’s shoulder, his cheek brushing against the blond man’s own. He closed his eyes, just inhaling Erwin’s comforting scent for a moment before opening his eyes and whispering into his ear.

“I am so sorry, Erwin.”

He felt Erwin’s shuddery breath. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I forgive you too.”

With that, he was out of Erwin's arms, walking slowly towards Kenny with his arms up. He didn't want to take any risks. As soon as he was within reach, Kenny tugged him flush against his side. Levi felt his skin crawl as the man's hand wound itself around his waist, just over the same patch of skin that had been touched by Erwin moments before. Kenny passed Kara to one of the soldiers and nodded for another to take Mikolas from the cot. Both were at Erwin's side within seconds.

“Be on your way now. And leave the guns.”

Erwin nodded, looking numb. Levi’s eyes met his for a brief moment before the blond nodded for his soldiers to file out of the room. The former Corporal watched as Kara and Mikolas were taken away from him, and though it hurt like nothing else had hurt before, he knew that it was for the best.

“Erwin!” He called before he could stop himself.

The blond stopped in the doorway, back rigid.

“I love you,” Levi breathed almost silently.

“Fuck, Levi, you wanna play this game with me? Told ya, no more blond Commanders for you,” Kenny said sharply. Levi turned to him and took the man’s hand into his own.

“Maybe you’re right,” he said, almost enjoying the way Kenny’s eyes widened at the statement. “I was never meant to live aboveground.”

“My, I do like you when you’re singing a different song.”

“But you, Kenny… you were never meant to live.”

He snapped the man’s wrist with a sickening crunch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please drop me a line or see me at haganenoheichou.tumblr.com , it would make my day!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, my lovelies. Well, this has been a long road with quite a few bumps, but I have genuinely enjoyed writing this fic for all of your reading pleasure. Thank you for sticking with me until the end like this. I love you all to bits!

“What’s your name?”

“I don’t have one.”

“What did they call you… wherever you’re from?”

“Does it matter? I’m not going to stick around.”

“I would like to call you something.”

“Why?”

“To remember you.”

Gray eyes met blue. It was at that moment that Squad Leader Erwin Smith realized that there was something inherently different about this dirty, blood stained whore from the Underground. It was at that moment that Erwin realized that his life would be inextricably tied to this young man.

“They called me Levi.”

"Levi," the blond man repeated softly. "It's a lovely name."

"Lovely? What kind of jerk are you? There's no such thing as a lovely name," the dark-haired man scoffed. The harrumph turned into a bout of coughing, and Erwin leaned in, placing his hand on the younger man's back, running it back and forth in soothing circles. He knew that it wouldn't help, not really, but he could not bear just to watch Levi suffer. That was his biggest problem, or so he had been told: he couldn't just stand by and watch.

“I don’t care what you say. I like your name. And I will call you by that name when you come and join the Survey Corps.”

“Fuck off.”

* * *

 

“Erwin?”

The blond looked up from his paperwork to see Hanji Zoë standing in the doorway, eyes wide.

"What is it?" He asked although he felt in his bones that he already knew the answer to that question.

“He’s gone. Levi’s gone.”

* * *

 

"It's been a while," Erwin told the crouching figure. Mike had his hands tangled in the dark, matted hair, ready to slam Levi's face back into the mud. The blond gestured for him to stop and instead sank to his knees to level his gaze with Levi's. The gray eyes met his once more, just like they had that first time. Erwin could see that the younger man was healthier now, better fed, at least. Judging from the fact that he now had sidekicks, and actual clothing that looked nothing like the rags Erwin had found him in the first time, Levi was making a name for himself. But what a name it was.

“You’re a criminal now.”

“I was always a criminal.” Levi spat mud, his face twisted into a grimace of disgust. “You thought I was something else. I never dissuaded you.”

“You can dissuade me now. It’s time to make use of that promise you gave me back then.”

“I promised you nothing.”

“I gave you a roof over your head on one condition. That you would join the Survey Corps.”

“I never agreed to that.”

“I could hand you over to the Military Police right now.”

“You wouldn’t,” Levi said venomously. He heard Isabel protest loudly behind him as she struggled against her restraints. He sighed. “You’re too fucking noble.”

“Perhaps. But this is a second chance for you.”

“You offer too many second chances.”

“Will you take this one?”

Levi regarded him for a moment, his wrists aching from having been bound for such a long time. The old scars felt new again, and he disliked the feeling as much as he had hated it the first time, with Kenny and his constant stream of customers. Of course, Isabel and Farlan knew nothing of that. They were too naïve to be burdened with his story. Only Erwin ever knew.

“Fine. I’ll join the Survey Corps.”

* * *

 

"I don't expect you to stay by my side all the time, you know," Erwin muttered to his new husband as they circulated the room, accepting insincere congratulations from the rest of the capital dwellers. He spotted the Survey Corps at the sidelines, their attention was drawn to the buffet table, and smiled softly. He really did sometimes think of them as his children, as wrong and twisted as that assumption was. After all, what kind of parent would send their kids to die for the sake of Humanity like he did?

“I am supposed to be by your side now. From now until forever,” Levi countered quietly. The new bracelet on his wrist felt like it was made of lead. His other hand was trapped between Erwin’s big fingers, and that hand, for some unfathomable reason, felt  _lighter_ , giving him the illusion of freedom. He knew that he was just kidding himself into thinking that life would go on as normal. Everything was about to change. “You, me, and the child.”

“Don’t think about the child. It’s too early. We’ll find a way out of this. I refuse to take responsibility for ruining your life,” Erwin told him gravely.

“You take responsibility for doing that with everyone else, why not me?”

* * *

 

“Don’t touch me.”

“Levi, you know that I didn’t want this to happen.”

“You let this happen, whether you wanted it or not.”

“Don’t blame me for this.”

“Then whom should I blame, huh? You  _promised_ me that nobody would ever touch me like this  _ever_ again. And then you went ahead and did it yourself. So much for promises, Erwin.”

“Levi, I never wanted you to get hurt–,”

"Apparently the world doesn't work the way you want it to. Now go away. I need to hurt someone right now, and it might as well be you."

Erwin hesitated in the doorway, his eyes falling to the sweat-soaked sheets, the only evidence of what had happened the night before. That, and Levi's naked form curled up on the left side, so _small_  and shivering.

“I will be in my office if you need me.”

“Don’t hold your fucking breath.”

* * *

 

“I never thought she’d look like this.”

“What did you think she’d look like?”

“More like you, I think.”

“She doesn’t look like either of us right now. She looks red and gross.”

“She’s a baby. Don’t expect her to win any beauty awards in the near future.”

“You’re enjoying this.”

“Aren’t you?”

“…yes.”

* * *

 

“Commander Smith?”

Erwin looked up from the map of the Underground he had been studying for the past several hours. He felt like there were mounds of sand in his eyes, and his head was on fire, but he refused to let it go. He had  _seen_ Levi at the party. He had  _spoken_ to the younger man. And he had failed to recognize his husband until the very last moment. This was on him. He had been the one to do this, and he had to fix it.

“Yes, Jean?”

“Everything is ready. The men are prepared to set out in the morning.”

“Thank you, Private Kirschtein.” Jean nodded, turning to go. He paused at the door.

“Sir?”

“Yes, Jean?”

“May I… go with you?”

Erwin smiled softly, even his face tired from the strain of not having Levi by his side.

“Eren’s just come back from the capital. He needs you. I will get both our children back safely.”

Jean looked at him for a long moment before nodding and leaving the room without a backward glance.

“I have to,” Erwin whispered. “I have to.”

* * *

 

“He’s bleeding out!”

“Put him on the bed, quick! Get me bandages and antiseptic, right now!”

“Oh Sina, Corporal Levi!”

“He’ll be fine, he’ll be all right, it’s just a gunshot wound, there’s– damn, he’s bleeding out faster than I thought!”

_“Levi!”_

“Erwin, I need you to move right now.”

“But, I–,”

“You being here won’t help. There. Sit there. In that chair. Don’t mess with the surgery.”

“Surgery?”

"Just… he'll be okay. I promise."

“I rely a lot on promises.”

* * *

 

“Kara, this really isn’t a good idea. I mean I’ve already  _met_ them, we practically  _live_ together, we actually do, just one corridor away from each other, so I don’t think-,”

“You don’t think, precisely. This sort of thing is important to father.”

“Bullshit, you know he hates ceremony-,”

“This is different. We have to make a formal presentation-,”

"He changed my damn nappies when I was a kid, I'm pretty sure that he's _intimately_ familiar with me.”

“You’re just scared of what Mom will say, admit it.”

“Your mother is the scariest person in the world. And I’ve seen Titans.”

“Well,  _my_ mother happens to  _be_ one, so why don’t you just give it a rest and come with me and we do this properly?”

“I have a better idea. There was a very deserted looking broom closet that I saw on the way-,”

“Mikolas Kirschtein, you better  _not_ be thinking what I think you’re thinking. That’s disgusting. Mom will have you clean it all top to bottom if he ever finds out.”

“Let’s just assume he never will.”

“Let’s just assume that you’re a pig and call it a day.”

“You love me.”

“For some pathetic, stupid reason, I do. Which is why we should tell them-,”

“Tell us what?”

The two trainees turned on the spot to see Commanders Erwin and Levi Smith coming towards them down the corridor. Kara gulped: her mother didn’t look like he was having a particularly good day, and judging by the tone of his voice, they had better proceed with explaining the matter cautiously.

"N-nothing, Commander Smith, Commander… Smith," Mikolas stuttered nervously, hastily letting go of the girl's hand. Though they had always been as close as family, once Mikolas had entered the trainee corps, the relationships he had had with the Commanders had changed somewhat. Suddenly, the two men were not Uncle Levi and Uncle Erwin, they were his superior officers, and as such, they were on the opposite sides of the food chain. Even without the ranking hanging over their relationship like this, Levi and Erwin Smith still made an impressive picture. The blond commander, now with streaks of silver in his hair and a prosthetic arm, provided to him by Hanji Zoë, a genius invention that involved combining natural materials with the Titan serum, was the calmer of the two. He had been a Commander longer, and Mikolas had a vague idea of how he had apparently dragged Levi into the Survey Corps by the hair. The dark-haired man was the spitting image of Kara: short, dark-haired, and possessing a wicked tongue that could cripple even the most potent of egos. "We were just talking about how–,"

“How you were pawing at my daughter in the middle of a deserted hallway,” Levi said sharply. Mikolas felt his knees sag. Even though he was as tall as both of his parents, the presence that the dark-haired commander had seemed to dwarf him. It was funny how Levi had gone from a complete stranger to, as Mikolas had been told by Mom, a caregiver of sorts, who had apparently saved his life as an infant, to a family friend and a trusted  _uncle_ , to this impermeable wall of bad attitude and orders. Mikolas understood that rank was important in the military, but sometimes he wondered how things would have been had they not been part of the Survey Corps.

“I apologize, Commander Smith–,”

“Now, Levi, you do remember how well-suited these corridors are for the occasional grope?” Erwin said with a smile. Levi let out an indignant huff, looking down at the two teenagers. “We should have seen this coming.”

"Eren and his adopted sister lived in the same quarters, and nothing of the sort happened," he said moodily.

“Well,  _Eren_ happened also not to be interested in females, so that could be why."

“Sorry, sir,” Mikolas interrupted nervously. “What does this have to do with my mother and Senior Squad Leader Mikasa?”

“Nothing at all. Ask your father; he had a massive crush on her in the trainee days before he realized that he was as gay as a picnic basket. That’s beside the point,” Levi said with a smirk. “Do you have anything to say, young lady?”

"We were about to come see you and report the fact that Miko and I are in a relationship, sir," the girls replied with an entirely straight face, giving his mother a mocking salute. Levi's eyes narrowed before he let out an exasperated scoff.

"Sina save me from having to deal with hormonal teenagers." He glanced at Erwin. "I suppose we should have seen this coming. Listen up, numbnuts, I trust my daughter to be much smarter about this than you are–,"

“-which she is,” Kara muttered darkly.

“So I am fine with this unless you get her pregnant. Then I’m coming after you. Me and the entire Survey Corps, including your parents. I don’t think either of them would be too happy to see their thick-skulled son a father this early on. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Dismissed.”

* * *

 

"You were a bit harsh, don't you think?" Erwin asked as he shrugged out of his shirt. He placed the garment on the chair by the window and turned to look at his wife who was standing at the door, his arms crossed over his chest. "You knew this would happen. We talked about it."

"The brat is still an inferior in the military. Which means that it is our job to teach him discipline," Levi muttered. He sighed, leaning against the doorframe. "I can't believe that they're so grown up already. Seems only yesterday that I was fleeing for my life with those two pressed to my chest."

“When we had our proper first kiss.”

“Yes. That.” Levi pushed himself off the wall and strode over to his husband, his hands immediately going to link around Erwin’s neck. He looked up at his husband and felt like he was at a loss for words, just like he did every single time he looked at Erwin,  _really_   _looked_ at him. “I cannot forgive myself for making our first year so…”

“Memorable?” Erwin offered with a smile. Levi chuckled.

“In a way.”

“Would you want to do it again if you had the chance? Do it differently?”

Levi considered it for a moment.

“No.”

“Good.”

“Even though you’re a perverted old man, I don’t hate you.”

“I don’t hate you either.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thank you to my inspiration and great helper in terms of fleshing out the story, gay-theprayaway. You're a gem!
> 
> As always, drop me a line or find me on Tumblr at http://haganenoheichou.tumblr.com 
> 
> Love you all!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting (hint hint)! If you want more AoT fanfiction written by me, check out my Bucket List series (Ereri). Peace!


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